to protect your property from other people's kids?

[crummymummee]

I moved my buggy on the bus today so that another lady could put hers on the bus too. No thanks for that... hey ho. Her son got on as well (3ish?) and started to remove dd's favourite book from the back of buggy. Well, this is London and he was a little kid - I didn't know whether he might walk off with it - he might not even realise you don't do that. I didn't react but I did look a little alarmed, I admit - however, he saw me and just put it back (phew I thought, argument averted).
WELL! The comments between this mum and her friend! My daughter was WAY worse than her son - in fact she was touching their buggy, shock horror. AND she was probably 'diseased'. (Does anyone actually use the word 'diseased' anymore???) So eventually I asked if there was a problem - mostly because my daughter is starting to understand things and I didn't want her to think the kind of behaviour this mum was exhibiting was acceptable. We had a real corker of a row, ending with her telling me in very pious tones that I should never think my child was any better than anyone else's. (I certainly hadn't suggested any such thing).
Now, AIBU but I think I would have been well within my rights not just to have looked a little alarmed at her son's behaviour but actually to ask him to put the book back. In fact I think it would have been ok to add that you don't take other people's stuff without asking. And btw, that would in no way have suggested anything about where I ranked him next to my daughter in terms of who was 'better' (whatever that means?) Geeezzzz... is this the kind of rubbish I have to look forward to from other parents when she starts school?

[larks35]

From the start your post made me feel that yprobabu -
"I moved my buggy on the bus today so that another lady could put hers on the bus too. No thanks for that... hey ho."
This is what you should do and you certainly don't deserve thanks for it.
Then you go on to say
"Well, this is London and he was a little kid - I didn't know whether he might walk off with it - he might not even realise you don't do that." WTF do you mean by that?

You had clearly started judging this family as soon as they got on the bus and the woman picked up on your judgey vibes and reacted in an annoyingly passive/agressive way by slagging you off to her mate. YANBU to be pissed off at being slagged off in that way, I would've felt annoyed too. However, none of this relates to starting school so the last question in your OP leaves me a little confused!

[Busyoldfool]

Unfortunately there are always one or two. Happily most are fine. Poor you - these things are so upsetting. ( I had a "situation" in a shop on Saturday and it ruined the afternoon). "Diseased"???? FFS!! And to say that in front of your DC.

[Busyoldfool]

larks35 I might have misunderstood but I thought the OP wasn't saying that she deserved thanks but that it is slightly unusual when people don't say thanks. I say Thx when I get change in a shop, get off a bus, get let out of a side turning etc - and so do the majority of people which is why it's noticable when someone doesn't say it - that's all.

[tricksybaby200]

i would have said something to the little boy. you did well just to look. the normal responce is parent backs you up and apologises as not noticed. ignore her. Probably embarrassed and handled it badley.

[minimisschief]

to be fair if your child was pissing about with her buggy then yes she has a very valid point.

[GrahamTribe]

You didn't want your daughter to think that the woman's behaviour was acceptable yet you got into a public slanging-match with her?

Sure, the little kid shouldn't have touched your belongings but either you should have politely asked him not to or just kept an eye out and asked for it back if it was apparent that you were about to get off the bus without it being returned. It's a book for goodness sakes, not a gold bar!

[crummymummee]

hmmm.... I wasn't judging her or her kids. You just have to take my word for that. Otherwise you've just done exactly what she did, and assumed I thought her kid would 'steal'. He was 3. I don't think 3 years olds deliberately steal things, but he might think it was ok to take it and his mum might not notice (not, I hasten to add, because she's a bad person, just because she's a human being). I was alarmed because that's never actually happened before and yes a book might not mean a lot to you, but we don't have that much money and it's her favourite at the mo.
I didn't 'judge' anyone but boy was I judged!
And I'm not too sure that it's good to just let other people call your child diseased and not defend them? Anyone else????

[GrahamTribe]

Lots of people don't have much money but that still doesn't justify a stand up row on a bus IMHO.

[larks35]

I'm sorry but your whole tone from start to finish in your OP really gave off a vibe of judginess. The fact she didn't properly thank you for moving your pushchair was the first thing you noticed about her and I imagine that without you realising it you were giving off judgey vibes from there on.
Of course it isn't right that someone starts ranting off about your DC being "diseased" etc, what a load of nonsense, but you didn't have to react. Your DD would never have realised she was talking about her if you hadn't.
You had a bad experience with a bit of a defensive tw*t on a bus but I have to repeat that if what you wrote in your original post was what was running through your head at the time, then she may have read those judgements from your expression and felt the need to defend herself.

[WorraLiberty]

It all sounds very 'yeah but no but yeah but no but' really

She was out of order with her comments but you are out of order with your judging.

Maybe you need to work on your 'look of alarm' though as it sounds as though that's what sparked the row.

The only 2 people I feel sorry for in all this is the kids.

[TroublesomeEx]

I too got an air of judginess from your tone, OP. There is an air of snootiness whether you intend it or not.

Which makes me wonder in what way this other woman was different to you?

[PushyDad]

OP - Delicate question. Are you a different colour from the the ladies on the bus?

I have been in situations where I don't doubt that I would have got a different reaction from my fellow commuters if I was White. I remember once being at a science for kids exhibition and when the door opened for the next show all the kids excitedly rushed in. A white mum took issue with Mrs PD coz our kids pushed past hers. The fact that a bunch of white kids plus my non white kids pushed past hers was irrelevant to her. Mrs PD was the one that got singled out. When the wife accused the mum of being racist, it was a case of Who? Moi?

If race had nothing to do with it then I'll quietly excuse myself from this thread :)

[aldiwhore]

Pushydad I was wondering the same. Different classes/ages also?

On face value, I think its always better to simply ignore ignore and not get involved with too much conversation with people you suspect may be arseholes.

[PushyDad]

The 'diseased' bit just reminded me of a 20 year old story. 8 yr old neice came home from school and asked her mom (my sister) what 'diseased' meant? That is not a proper word. Where did you hear it? At school. We were told to partner up for our walk to the swimming baths and my (white) partner said that she wan't going to hold my hand because her mom had told her that she (my niece) was 'diseased'.

I wonder whether the lady on the bus was this child grown up :)

[bejeezus]

Pushydad

thats what I was thinking as I read the OP. Hve had the same experience with dd singled out (and picked upon by myfriend a number of times, so notme being 'over sensitive'!)

Also have heard the 'diseased' thing aimed at MR children a number of times

[bejeezus]

[PushyDad]

"I moved my buggy on the bus today so that another lady could put hers on the bus too. No thanks for that... hey ho."
"This is what you should do and you certainly don't deserve thanks for it."

The other day I held open the swinging doors at Selfridges for a couple of ladies and they just walked through. Forget about a thank you, eye contact, a nod or a smile would have been nice. Anything to acknowledge my existence.

I so wanted to overtake them and smash the next set of doors into their well made up faces. Am I being unreasonable? No, I'm not expecting a serious answer :)

[nailak]

Where was he going to wander to? He was 3, and in a bus, he could hardly just walk off?

I would have probably just talked to him and been friendly when he took the book. Asking him if he like books etc.

[IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll]

It sounds like you should have told your dd to stop touching their buggy too. You can't give a child a type look while allowing your own to do practically the same thing.

It probably doesn't seem like the same thing to you, but it is really. Ok so your dd couldn't have walked off with their buggy, but you still need to tell her not to touch other people's property. You probably did do some judging because you said you didn't know if the child would walk off with the book. Why would you jump to thinking that you might not get your book back instead of jumping to thinking that the Mum would make her ds give the book back as soon as she realised he had something that wasn't his?

[BackforGood]

I can't understand why you didn't just distract your dd if you didn't want her to overhear what other people were saying ? Ho on earth this turned into a stand up row is beyond me - not a great example for any of the children on the bus

[MeltedChocolate]

You let your DD touch their buggy? After having gave a small child a 'look' for doing the same thing?

You sound exactly like the person you are so obviously judging (the judgy vibe from your OP was revolting)

YABU

[MeltedChocolate]

*having given