to want to meet some fellow scruffs?

[IntergalacticHussy]

Maybe I'm just having a bad day, but lately i've started to feel like i'm the only person in the world who doesn't look like they've just stepped out of a catalogue

I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that, if it's what you want, but didn't there used to be other ways of looking?

I was going to this meetup, (i'm new round here) organised by the Other Place, and i'm afraid I just bottled it. Probably says more about my judgypants than anything else, but my heart sank when I saw everyone else turning up, perfectly groomed in brand-new looking clothes, immaculate and pushing buggies that looked like they'd been purchased yesterday. I just suddenly felt like i'd spend the whole time feeling apologetic and uncomfortable so i sort of skulked away feeling crap.

It's not that i look terrible (i hope), i just don't mind if my jeans are a bit faded, or i'm wearing a top I bought two years ago, or if dd's going around in a pushchair that's seen better days. I quite like having things with a bit of history to them; second hand stuff/ the odd vintage thing. I avoid ironing if i possibly can and think dd2 looks perfectly ok in dd1's slightly worn hand-me-downs, unless we're off to a wedding or something.

And please dont' think i'm just having a go at other mothers, it's bloody everyone; all dads under 45 seem to dress the same way, all teenagers have the same floppy, assymetric haircut... when i were a lass we had actual subcultures; grungers, skater-punks, indie-kids, goths, trendies...

i know it's ironic to be a non-conformist wishing she knew some other non-conformists, but i can't help wondering if anyone else feels the same?

[TheRealMBJ]

Sorry 'social occasions' should read 'special occasions'

[projectbabyweight]

Really interesting thread. I expect there are as many reasons for scruffiness as there are scruffs.

For me, it's a combination of grunge/feminism/finances/self-esteem(not so bad now)/looking a bit like a scarecrow so never going to manage "polished".

[projectbabyweight]

(not an unattractive scarecrow, in the right light)

[rhetorician]

definitely a scruff (although I do scrub up quite well about twice a year!). I'm gay and I think this manifested itself when I was a teenager as an absolute horror of the make-over session my mother wanted me to have (presumably to guarantee heterosexuality :o) - I am always clean though. I am strictly a jeans/T-shirt/shirt/jumper kind of gal, although I do have some strangely misplaced vanity about shoes and bags. Fortunately I work in a profession where dressing badly is a mark of pride...

DD, on the other hand, is usually well dressed and I take great pleasure in choosing her outfits (perhaps the most surprising aspect of being a parent - to me, at any rate) - people often comment on it - possibly because I am such a patent scruff in my mouldy hoodie and ancient jeans

I am glad that I haven't spent hours of my life and tons of my money on grooming though. I do insist on a good haircut though, so perhaps I don't really qualify!

[Anna1976]

Sleepyspaniel (and others who think it's about effort): many of us try. Many of us would like not to be scruffy when we try, though I'll definitely agree with those who would far prefer not to have to go beyond being clean, functional and comfortable.

I for one look like a messy grot in ill-fitting suits and shirts that look unironed in the first 10 minutes of the day, shoes that somehow always sag and gape, necklaces that magically turn themselves backwards so the catch is always at the front, wonky glasses, thin chewed looking hair.... whereas in an old fleece and jeans, sunnies and walking boots: I look fit, happy and enthusiastic with clean skin and shiny hair.

[bangcrash]

I inspected the other mothers on the school run today, we are a somewhat socially deprived area and I noted that actually I wasn't that bad. There was quite a lot of bas fitting bra and strappy tops going on with tan marks, tattoos, and a mainly naked man. My clean jeans, walking boots and shirt would score higher surely?

The ones that did look groomed all had the trademark skin; a veritable suit of well fitted wrinkle free, single tone upholstery in soft shades of nude. I think this helps, me in a t shirt and you have gardner's hands, weathered forearms, pasty freckled upper arms, face and torso share the same issues and it just isn't neat, suppose it's an old thing too. I do look better in fleece than floaty. I would quite like to be reupholstered but not much point, would just nak it gardening and dog walking.

[Chipsycheese]

I usually try and look tidy and reasonable. I never spend much on my clothes, but I like to have nice hair and nails and I am not beautiful in anyway so I need make up, but I must say that when I have been doing lots of work on the house, like painting and plastering I love wearing old clothes with paint all over and rips.
I go all the way and don't brush my hair or make any effort to look nice. A kind of 'its not me being scruffy its my house renovations fault' attitude.
I feel very liberated then.
There's lots of very glamorous mums at school but they probably look crap not made up and with hair done.
As long as you are happy don't worry!

[BoulevardOfBrokenSleep]

The scruff thing is always going to be controversial for some people, because it is a complete rejection and negation of their own values/lives. If you do spend a couple of hours each morning getting your hair/makeup/outfit just so, it must be pretty irritating to hear others say they just make sure their boobs aren't hanging out, and most of their hair is pointing in the same direction, before they leave the house. And they seem to survive. And have regular sex.

A bit like those housework threads where the Stepford Wives get really pissed off when you say you didn't vacuum yesterday, and you might not today either... you lazy bitch!

[rhetorician]

boulevard indeed, but do you think for most of us it's a conscious rejection or is that a spurious convenient justification for the fact that we are not interested or talented at these things (like me and ironing, or stain removal...but I can grow veg and fix most things). Seriously, spending more than about 5 minutes doing anything with my hair would bore me to tears (hence the good, but short, haircuts: wash 'n' go)?

[bigbadbarry]

boulevard I love this "just make sure their boobs aren't hanging out, and most of their hair is pointing in the same direction, before they leave the house". That is me!

[mycatsaysach]

i don't want to look like i've tried too hard

[goodname]

Anna1976 my feelings precisely. I would like to look groomed but efforts fall so far short. I on occasion blow dry/straighten my hair and 10 minutes later you would never know. However if my wee sis did it for me it would look good all day. I just dont get it. Always need my sisters help to look good in make up etc. What I really really hate though more than anything is when you are told to dress smart casual! What is that? Can do really dressed up for a wedding (with help) or really dressed down for normal but nothing in between.
I do try though, buy new clothes, buy make up etc, just never look quite right. I blame it on my dreadfully thin hair and enjoy winter as I can wear a hat all the time.
Also have to agree with real MBJ that most of the time I would rather have the sleep. Also have a 16month old clinging to my legs most of the time so struggle to get a shower every day (I do manage though)
Really liking this thread

[BoulevardOfBrokenSleep]

rhetorician - well, I think it was said upthread somewhere; some of us are born scruffy, some of us choose scruffy, some of us have it thrust upon us. Me, I looked in the mirror aged about 16, realised I was never going to be Sam Fox (showing my age there ) and should probably divert my efforts elsewhere...! And so I chose the path of scruffy.

bigbadbarry - there was an unfortunate incident with the postman ringing the bell, when I'd been sitting at home breastfeeding ... let's just say I am now very keen on the checking of boobage before facing the world!

[BakeliteBelle]

H&M online...thank you thank you thank you for that recommendation!!! Suddenly, I feel that for the first time in my life, clothes shopping won't do my head in.

[RalphGnu]

Hello there fellow scruffbags, I'm going out tonight for the first time in yonks and have made An Effort. I have dyed, dried and straightened my hair. My legs are smooth and gently bronzed. I no longer have a unibrow and my upper lip is fuzz free. It took me no less than 4 hrs (in between hanging up washing and making lunch) to create this miracle. I will be wearing a dress and heels no less. I feel like an actual grown up woman for the first time in about 5 years. Feeling very nervous.

[diddl]

Hope you have a nice time!

Although I consider myself a scruff, I would draw the line at an evening out in jeans.

[Selks]

Just about to go out for the evening.....in jeans. cough

disclaimer....not going out on a dressy evening. Grungy band with equally relaxed friends, so jeans totally acceptable.

[Selks]

Interesting post somewhere above re reasons for being a scruff.

For me it's a bit to do with feminism and a lot to do with a rejection of the pressure to consume, and also to do with the more 'natural' and relaxed in life. And because I am just not good at the whole hairstyling and grooming bit.

I'm happy with messy hair, frayed jeans, practical outdoors shoes and a casual top. But I do get a decent haircut and colour my hair, and wear light make-up......and I trim my nasal hair

[staylucky]

Also complete scruff. When working I always owned nice clothes, shoes, bags, had my hair & nails done. Since I became sahm just haven't had the money to buy anything at all. Think last thing I bought myself was some socks from George, I was pretty chuffed with my fresh socks. I get pretty jealous now and again of singletons/ yoofs/ even working mums with their jushy gear but tbh if you me 3 grand and said go buy some clothes I wouldn't know where to start. I think if you have a good range of basics and replace often it's easy to look good on the cheap but going years without buying anything at all makes looking tidy impossible.

[projectbabyweight]

Selks I tried plucking my nasal hair - agony's not the word

[Fecklessdizzy]

projectbabyweight Sometimes you get a really long and irritating one that feels like something has sneaked up your nose - they have to go - talk about eyewatering! ( mind melting pain emoticon )

I scrub up if I'm going out but most of the time wear my lovely manky jeans and a tasteful selection of other people's reject t-shirts ( tonight I'm sporting Cowboy Bebop with added pasta sauce crusts and a selection of vintage paint stains )

I do spend a bloody fortune on highlights, though ...