to want to meet some fellow scruffs?

[IntergalacticHussy]

Maybe I'm just having a bad day, but lately i've started to feel like i'm the only person in the world who doesn't look like they've just stepped out of a catalogue

I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that, if it's what you want, but didn't there used to be other ways of looking?

I was going to this meetup, (i'm new round here) organised by the Other Place, and i'm afraid I just bottled it. Probably says more about my judgypants than anything else, but my heart sank when I saw everyone else turning up, perfectly groomed in brand-new looking clothes, immaculate and pushing buggies that looked like they'd been purchased yesterday. I just suddenly felt like i'd spend the whole time feeling apologetic and uncomfortable so i sort of skulked away feeling crap.

It's not that i look terrible (i hope), i just don't mind if my jeans are a bit faded, or i'm wearing a top I bought two years ago, or if dd's going around in a pushchair that's seen better days. I quite like having things with a bit of history to them; second hand stuff/ the odd vintage thing. I avoid ironing if i possibly can and think dd2 looks perfectly ok in dd1's slightly worn hand-me-downs, unless we're off to a wedding or something.

And please dont' think i'm just having a go at other mothers, it's bloody everyone; all dads under 45 seem to dress the same way, all teenagers have the same floppy, assymetric haircut... when i were a lass we had actual subcultures; grungers, skater-punks, indie-kids, goths, trendies...

i know it's ironic to be a non-conformist wishing she knew some other non-conformists, but i can't help wondering if anyone else feels the same?

[KKKaty]

Another scruff here - yup, always amazed at number of immaculate Mums out there - including those wearing heels looking after toddler....how???!  I like to look ok, but figure if my boy and I are looking scruffy we've probably had a great day mucking about and playing!

[MissPenteuth]

That's an interesting point WoT, some of us look scruffy because that's how we like to look and some look scruffy because they don't care how they look. I think I'm the former; I just prefer casual clothes. I scrub up fairly well when I want to (was bridesmaid at DSis' wedding the other week for example) but I prefer a more relaxed look the rest of the time.

[WoTmania]

Indeed MissP. I also scrub up well but as I said earlier I don't feel entirely comfortable as if I'm somehow pretending

[jaggythistle]

oh can I join? My MIL once commenter that i "like to dress casually" or something. I think she just meant I am scruffy. MIL and FIL like designer stuff and always look immaculate.

Jeans and t-shirts are the only thing i feel comfy in.

[dreamingbohemian]

Ninky I've been working in English academia, you should see some of the outfits the men get on with!

In fact, I have a feeling I would not be taken very seriously (in my male-dominated field) if I showed up extremely polished, with lots of makeup and straightened hair. Not saying that's right either btw.

In our scruff taxonomy, I'm more the kind who can scrub up well but it doesn't 'stick' so often I don't bother. Is there a layer of shellacking we're all missing out on? what is it???

and like CheerfulYank I will never, ever willingly wear a belt. I thought I was the only one!

[jespilly]

Hey ladies, I am new to Mumsnet so am unfamiliar with some of the abbreviations used, DD? DS1? DH? I love being a scruffy mum but am looking forward to Gok Wan's new clothing range for Sainsbury's TU, then I can be stylish and scruffy with my sticky hair and crumbs and milk splodges - they're the latest accessories don't ya know!!!

[MissPenteuth]

Welcome jespilly, list of common acronyms is here (link at bottom of page) :)

[TheRealMBJ]

dreamingbohemian I have often wondered whether I lack some sort of vital 'grooming gene'. 

Perhaps it is a disorder?

[dreamingbohemian]

RealMBJ in that case maybe someday they will have a cure for it!
Like so many things, I am torn between 'I was born this way' and 'I'm just hopeless at buying products'

What do you say ladies, if you could take a pill and be instantly transformed into a non-scruff, would you take it?

[TipOfTheSlung]

i am neithe lazy nor think it's a statement
It just happens
I can start the day trying though I have never been able to dry my hair, I can do makeup though. But half an hour later I will look a mess.
I can't wear heels either so never start looking glam but i do try

Also struggle to find clothes that fit. It's all just depressing

[bigbadbarry]

I'm not lazy! That suggests there is some moral imperative to "groom" - that it is better. I disagree :) I have some friends who won't go out when it is wet because their hair goes frizzy - I just think that when concern for your appearance gets in the way of doing stuff, something is a bit wrong. (Everybody else thinks they are normal though ;) )

[dotty2]

I think it's genetic. Am a scruff, even when I try not to be - there's just something about my skin/hair etc, and so are my DDs, even when I try to tidy them up for special occasions. And I have feminist objections to too much grooming anyway. But I put my DD's hair in a pony tail for school this morning. Why is it that by the time we get there, she has loose strands everywhere, cardigan hanging off her shoulders etc and her best friend's hair is still immaculately all sitting inside its bobble, clothes where they're meant to be, etc. Does her hair sense my feminist objections to grooming and pop out to conform to my inner prejudices. Or is it just that I don't care enough so don't spend long enough on it? Agree with bigbadbarry though - madness not to do something, or to stop your DDs doing it - because it might mess your hair up. Like all those women swimming with their kids trying to keep their hair/makeup immaculate and not having any splashy fun...

[Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast]

Scruff reporting for duty!!

Most day's i'm a scruff, jogging pants, t-shrt, vest top, and plimsolls, or today navy linen trousers, vest top, plimsolls, and hair tied up!! Bugger all that faffing!!

I do however maybe slop on some make-up and jeans with a trendy top or cardi and some nice flats, if i'm going for a lunch or meeting someone, or at the weekend, but otherwise bugger that!!!

I have a posh dinner tonight, and i spent all of 3 mins throwing together an outfit for it this complied off sparkly sandals, black trousers and a pink linen type top.

All my clothes are bought from either tesco, asda or occasionally next.

Went to asda last week, and bought all of DS's requirements for winter, jeans, coat, jumpers etc grand total of £70!

[bananabump]

I am a scruff whether I like it or not, and generally don't like it. It's fine if it's a choice you've made or if you have the confidence to carry it off and not care what anybody thinks, but for me it's my default setting, and it's an uphill battle all the way to be anything more.

I could embrace scruffdom a bit more if there were ANYONE like me round here but I live in quite a smart middle class village, everyone seems to have money to shop at next and boden and john lewis, they wear lovely leather boots and leggings on their taut legs, perfectly matching clothes and accessories, clean styled hair every day, face full of makeup - even the ones with newborns - their cars are clean, their houses are immaculate, catalogue perfect with matching expensive furniture, their daughters wear beautiful wool coats and don't get them instantly filthy like my children would. They have perfect french braids and sail out of their houses happy and relaxed in the morning with no-one looking harassed or spitting on tissues to wipe grubby faces, or hunting for missing PE kits.

How can someone like me possibly hope to keep up with that? I have three coldsores at the moment (on top of my usual scruffiness) and I just can't bring myself to speak to any of them. I really envy your confidence!

[Sleepyspaniel]

The main difference between scruffs and non scruffs is not money, it's effort. It's having cheap but smart jeans instead of cheap but saggy jeans. I'ts about having white tops that are kept white and ironed (this involves more laundry). Its about brushing your hair properly, and, if you haven't time to wash it in the morning, doing it before you go to bed. Its about making the time to care, not spending a fortune on Boden. I know quite a few skint women who always look immaculate and have they got designer clothes, haircuts or makeup? No. They just make sure that they iron, launder, brush & wash in between all the usual chores. Probaby they do this instead of being on Mumsnet Facebook.

[Ormirian]

Blimey! Why are some of the response so chippy?

Who gives as toss whether it's about laziness, lack of money, lack of time or 'making a statement'.

Some women choose not to put a great deal of effort into grooming. So what? Why does it make some of you so cross? I didn't realise it was some sort of crime against womanhood.

[TipOfTheSlung]

Because being called lazy when you have tried is insulting is it not?

[zozzle]

frizzy hair makes me look a scruff half the time - I do the whole frizzease thing which works for a while.

I have better things to do with my time than get up at 6am to groom myself to perfection - how boring!

[OhdearNigel]

I would love to be perfectly groomed and swishy but frankly I usually have something more interesting to do than spend hours primping and preening. The thought of spending 2 hours every day on dolling myself up gives me the willies; these young women that look like barbie dolls could be achieving something so much more worthwhile with that time !

[Meteorite]

I can't see the point in searching for the perfect pair of jeans, considering accessories or ironing everything to perfection. I'd rather just wear something ordinary and then do the gardening or get some work done. I'm not lazy, I just don't feel the need to be "groomed". I'm happy with clean and dressed, and then I can choose something else to get on with :)

[Ormirian]

Sorry tip, I was referring to some of the 'groomed' posters who seem to be outraged by women daring not to care about it all. Yes, I do think being called lazy for is insulting.

[dreamingbohemian]

Maybe Sleepey, but money helps a lot.

It's a lot easier to put effort into appearance when you have help with cleaning the house, childcare, etc.

More expensive clothes usually last longer and look better throughout the day (don't sag or wrinkle as much).

Hair and skin often look better or maintain better if you can afford facials, professional cuts and products, etc.

Of course you don't need money to be a non-scruff but well, I know for myself anyway it would help a lot.

[CheerfulYank]

Bohemian I have also often wondered about shellacking! Is there some sort of spray I can just douse myself in, head to toe, before stepping out the door? :)

[dreamingbohemian]

Yank do you think it could be Aqua Net?

[TheRealMBJ]

sleepyspaniel I think you'll find that all of the self confessed scruffs on this thread (including myself) are clean and brushed. It's quite insulting that you are assuming that we coulddn't be bothered to bathe. In fact,I often think I am cleaner than a lot of the more groomed women I meet as I wash my hair every, single day. And I brush it. But I only dry and style it fir social occasions.

I simply choose to put my energy into doing other things.

There is nothing wrong with choosing to put effort into being groomed, but there is also nothing wrong with not doing so. And I agree with dotty2, over-grooming goes against my feminist principles.