AIBU to object to 3.5yr old having a bottle of yazoo milkshake?

[gemma4d]

OK, I shall abide by the decision of mumsnet:

Background> 3.5yr old DD1 is a nightmare eater. She likes hotdog sausages, chicken nuggets and jam on toast - I don't offer these often so most meals involve screaming and crying (and thats just me!).

So MIL and SIL bought her a bottle of Yazoo strawberry milkshake and served up the entire thing for her (500ml). She drank the lot as she was thirsty and it was tasty, one minute later she was crying as her stomach hurt, and of course she didn't eat any lunch as she was full. This is the most milkshake DD has had in one hit, but she is always being given large amounts of milkshake, and other unhealthy food, at MILs.

I have been considering banning ALL snacks and drinks (except water) between meals to see if it improves her eating at mealtimes, but am worried this might be the wrong thing to do - DD is a bit of a natural grazer and has healthy snacks (healthier than meals sometimes!) with me and my mum. Just not at MILs.

Would I be being unreasonable to object and tell MIL and SIL to stop giving her milkshake, or at least limit it to one SMALL cup a day? Am I being PFB? They are doing me a favour looking after DD, and OH pointed out this is how he was raised, but it drives me mad and really is not helping my never ending battles over food.

BTW MIL has her 2 mornings a week while I am at work, plus MIL and SIL have her all Sunday.

Don't forget, your DD is right in the middle of the period in her life when lots of things taste more bitter than how we, as adults, find them. So broc, cauli, sprouts, etc don't taste nice but evolution isn't trying to stop toddlers eating their veggies, it's a development to hopefully prevent poisonings from when toddlers spent a bit more time in the wilderness.

I was told this in the early days of doing A level Biology in 1994, and have seen enough evidence to make me believe it to be true.

It's no wonder little ones prefer sweet foods.

But I think 500ml of milkshake was WAY TOO MUCH for such a little kid.

I have to be honest and say that it wouldn't bother me as an occasional thing. But if it became a regular occurence, and prevented her from eating her meals, I would simply explain to your MIL. You could alwyas do it under the guise of asking her advice if you think she might be offended.

I think the milk shake is okay, and I would rather that than diet coke or fizzy.

What I would do is impose a no snack for 2 hours before a meal rule.

Do you think MIL would follow that?

Yes you are BU- Yazoo is minging- Frijj is MUCH better!!

If she likes milkshakes can you do her smoothies? Nice fresh fruit and far more nutritious!!
Will she eat gravy? When my son was little he refused to eat anything on his plate except carrots and meat. I used to blend the veg in with gravy and drown his dinner in it- he lapped it up!!

halcyondays, I'd say we eat normal food but that doesn't help much eh! Recently I have cooked: oven-fish fillet and chips, chicken-breast burgers with sweet potato oven chips, oven roast balsamic vegetables sausages and butterbeans (bbc good food), and hm fish pie. Annie was happy with a bit of fish fillet and breaded chicken, but turned her nose up at the sweet potato, sausages with veg and beans (too much stuff with the sausages) and the fish pie (even though SHE made hers!)

The only veg she will eat is cherry tomatoes (unless tomato sauce also counts?!). On the carb side she will eat wholemeal bread (yey!) and other bread products (pitta, wraps etc) and plain spagetti. I wonder if she would be just as happy with a slice of plain bread as with pudding? I could try it. I am sure you are right that she won't eat as she knows she will get other food sooner or later, but I don't know how strict to be (how much later is later, if you see what I mean!)

I do accept I need to be stricter - I've known that for a while. Its figuring out what exactly to do!

ooh, took me ages to post that!

mumnotmachine, I promise to leave MIL with supply of Frijj :-) but she wouldn't eat even just the gravy, let alone with veg :-(

I don't think the milkshake is the problem, but the amount of it that they gave her.

Please no not go down the fake "intolerances" route. chances are they won't believe you anyway and will most likely come back on you and bite you on the bum. Milk = dairy = cheese, custard, yoghurt, dairylea, etc. They could take it to the other extreme and not give her anything healthy.

They (mil and sil) don't look after your dd everyday, so to blame them for your dd being a fussy eater is a bit U.
That said if you don't like what they are feeding her, then don't have them look after her.

Actually @sidge, it is. I have four children, including a set of twins. I can tell you now, they have tried to be fussy eaters, and all failed. There are things they don't like, and that's fine, but they must try the food, or eat some of it. What you did with yours sounds eminently sensible. To be honest, we sound very similar.

And btw - 500ml of milkshake is a bit much, but I still feel mealtimes should not be a battleground. LucyLasstic has it right.

I don't know if you need to be stricter. I still remember my parents doing the "don't like it, don't eat" thing and remember being so hungry at night I found it hard to sleep and remember not understanding why mummy and daddy wouldn't let me eat. Of course I didn't die and it won't physically harm a child to miss a meal occasionally but I suspect its more likely to lead to food issues later on if you make food an issue like that. It certainly feels like being "punished" for not eating something that genuinely at that time seems like poison.

As adults we know to eat a bit of something if we are out to eat, and our tastes are less extreme (bitter tastes a lot less bitter as we get older etc) and we also know we can just whip something up if we want it.

Anyway - I agree with the couple of posters who have mentioned the healthy grazing - much healthier throughout the day to have smaller "meals" more often anyway. It sounds like she likes healthy things at these snacks and if you could add some egg or protein she would be eating healthily and still experiencing family mealtimes and all that that teaches without you having to worry if she has eaten enough.

Kytti sorry just reread my post and realised it sounds snippy about you - no offence intended as I think we're on the same wavelength! Typing too quickly...

I think it's not black and white for gemma as her MIL and SIL are part of the problem which complicates it as it's hard to be tough, matter of fact and consistent when someone else is partly responsible for feeding and maybe indulging your child.

no snacks an hour and a half b4 a meal and mayb milkshake after lunch/tea only as a reward for eating well?

sorry just reread post

Try dropping the snacks or give them half a snack much earlier (9.00 and 1.30?). I had to with mine as they had stopped eating lunch/tea. They would then be hungry and more willing to eat at meal times. I'd often split up the main course so that veg/salad part was served first as a starter - 10 mins later I'd add the rest of the meal to the plate. They ate well and without nagging.

Yes and keep milkshake as a pudding/treat for after a meal

That's far too much for a small child. If I drink that much milkshake it hurts my stomache (and I'm an overweight adult).

Frankly - in your situation (and using rather a lot of hindsight here ) I would let her snack on healthy things and not focus too much on 'meals'. Children have an amazing ability to listen to their bodies, eat when hungry, stop when full etc and generally we fuck that up for them :(

Once she goes to school she will have to 'conform' to meal times a bit more, but she will adjust. For now, just make healthy food available.

I've had various food battles with children over the years and regret all of them now.

If you aren't happy with the food your MIL gives her - then you need to send her with her 'snak box' tell her she can eat whatever she wants from it whenever she wants and tell your MIL that you need her to drastically cut back on the 'treats' as DD isn't eating much, so what she does eat needs to be 'good' for her (on the whole) - but that a little of x y or z is OK (being specific about the types of things you'd be happy with and the quantity).

Let her eat the cherry tomatoes! Let her eat the fish fillet etc, but tbh, my ds (who would eat a chair if you seasoned it) wouldn't eat the sweet potato thing NOR the sausage bean combo. Sweet potatoes, imho, are rank, give her normal potato oven cooked wedges, skip the beans, just offer her sausages. She doesn't sound that fussy, your menu leaves me a little cold too. The very idea of Fish pie fills me with horror! (Sorry) Have you tried mince, cottage pie, lasagne etc?

Simplify, don't make a song and dance and take a wider view. One light meal won't harm. Otherwise she'll realise she can push YOUR buttons by refusing to eat.

YANBU - My kids have these but there is a smaller version than the 500ml ones and they have them for pudding or as a special treat (even though I think they are cack they seem to like them) . I think a small bottle or a small cup is enough for a 3/4 yr old, even i think the large ones are too big and im 30!!!