Jo Frost should be compulsory watching.

[Poshbaggirl]

I love this woman. She is to parenting what Jamie is to school dinners. No, shes better than that! So straightforward, everyone should watch and learn.

[Claw3]

Itisnearlysummer, thanks i dont often watch, but i have seen a few of her shows, but not the ADHD one, i wondered how she got on.

Agree 100%, if you want the child to change their behaviour (ADHD or not) the parent has to change theirs. This seems to be what her show is all about (from what ive seen) the parent changing.

[Roo83]

I really like her, true a lot of it's common sense, but sometimes when you're the one in the situation it's hard to see the wood for the trees. Her straight forward approach is just what some people need in order to have some consistency. Changeforthebetter-I've seen episodes where she's given older children a diary to write their feelings in and show to parents so sometimes does look at their emotions. I do think she's a bit hard on the mums sometimes though, especially if they're in tears!

[pleasekeepcalmandcarryon]

I watched the ADHD programme she did as I have 2 children with ADHD, one quite severe, simliar but worse than the boy on the programme.

I think it is unfair to say they were crap parents, I thought they were good considering the strain a SN child puts on a family. Too shouty and confrontational yes and I recognised that we can be like this sometimes which doesn't help the situation.

I find that dealing with ADHD is difficult because of the judgement of others. As Jo Frost pointed out and as my CAMHS nurse tells me regularly it is about picking your battles and not sweating the small stuff.

You could see on the programme that it was better all round to let the boy wander about a bit at the cafe when they were out. I find this better for my DS too as it avoids escalation behaviour.

The problem is there is always someone ready to judge or start a thread on MN about how their DC can sit still at the table at 2yrs old and anyone whose DC don't are just lazy parents.

SN children often look on the face of it like any other child so people don't hold back with their judgyness. You can't do right for doing wrong as a parent of SN children.

[AtYourCervix]

Where's the webchat gone? Has it been hidden for some reason?

And OP are you being ironic?

[CareyHunt]

I can't bear her, or her methods.

Of course she gets results, the families she goes to help are having serious problems and the parenting is often very poor. Anyone with a scrap of common sense and a bit of objective distance could work wonders in that situation. There are times when all of us look at somebody elses parenting problems and think 'You could easily sort that out if you just.......' The thing that makes it more difficult in real life is the fact that feelings and emotions get thrown into the mix; we are not all detached and clinically objective in our parenting, and nor should we be. What kind of example would that set to our children?

Children need to know that it's ok to have strong feelings, and they need to be taught gently how to express them appropriately.

I hate the idea of 'training' children. It seems patronising and disrespectful. It is perfectly possible to have 'well-behaved' happy children by encouraging dialogue and respecting their views.

[spudulika]

She has no qualifications in child psychology, childcare or parenting techniques.

She does have a very media friendly persona and a very good team surrounding her I presume that help her appear knowledgeable and authoritative.

It'd be helpful though if her programmes made it clear that she's giving advice without any formal qualifications or training.

[Bonsoir]

Jo Frost's methods work with children of fairly average intelligence. Clever children find such methods insulting and play up to them...

[Claw3]

How on earth do you know the IQ of the children Bonsoir?

[HoneyPablo]

I am known at work (day nursery) as the toddler tamer. I have not met a child that I couldn't help to learn how to behave appropriately while at nursery. It's not that hard. What Jo Frost does is to change the parents' behaviour, which is much harder to do.

[Claw3]

Honey and how do you do it?

Personally i think there is a difference from stopping a behaviour in the short term and teaching a new behaviour to replace the old one with. Jo Frost seems to work on stopping the behaviour in the short term.

[BakeliteBelle]

Compared to the patronising, middle-class, fully-qualified psychologists working in CAMHS, Jo Frost offers practical, hands-on help that achieves results for families whose parenting has become inadequate. She also supports the parents and talks to them in a down-to-earth way that the professionals could never hope to.

It probably really helps that she sounds working class and gets over the parent-expert divide by being on their level.

However, I'm not sure she could be involved in more complex cases, for instance families where there is a child protection issue, or - like others have said - severe challenging behaviour due to SN. I imagine she only picks achievable projects

[KaySirah]

what a fucking loads of shit

[HoneyPablo]

I work very hard to build up a good relationship with the child, built on respect and knowing the child inside out. Being consistent is also key. If a child knows what to expect, how somebody will react, then they will feel valued and the behaviour changes as the child feels happier.
Sounds a bit wishy-washy but it works. It's about acceptance and respect.

[Claw3]

Oh good, the 'toddler tamer' sounded like you have a chair and a whip

[Grumpygils]

It depends whether you think good patenting is about controlling the children.

Of course children need to learn to behave appropriately, but there are ways of teaching that are less dismissive of the child's feelings and less about the parent exerting control. Do we want adults who behave because they are told to and push difficult feelings inside, or do we want self-motivated adults who understand their emotions and control their own behaviour?

I too wonder if she likes children.

[Grumpygils]

*parenting

[sunshinenanny]

I'm very much in the camp of FutureNannyOgg and Changeforthebetter. I find her a bit of a control freak and she sometimes comes across as a bit of a bully. I remember the programe with the older very badly behaved girl and I thought she totally humilliated the child whiich was unneccesary and bear in mind; This is all going on in the presence of a camera crew and probably stage managers. interestingly the nannies on nanny 911 delt with a simillar child in a much more proffessional and caring way. They seem much more loving to the children and families they help.

I have been a nanny for over 30 years and hate the modern one size fits all appoach. I am quite laid back and believe that (within reason) childhood is meant to be enjoyed. I must be doing something right because I've often been complimented on the lovely manners and good behaviour of my charges. I don't personally believe in the naughty step, there are other ways. and lets face it if most nannies in normal employment came in to work and started laying down the law you mums would not like it. you need a bit of tact when handling mum and dad.

A lovely lady I once knew who ran a viilage playschool once said "There are no problem children just problem parent's" It was said very tongue in cheek so don't get your knicker's in a twist mums'

[exoticfruits]

None of her tactics that I saw (stopped watching a couple of years ago) involved finding out what kids were feeling and how that affected their behaviour.

I think she does-it is generally the parents who are affecting the behaviour. I think that her main strength is working with the parent.They all want to do the best for their DC, they either haven't a clue or have home circumstances or person crisis that have caused the difficulties.

She doesn't so much work with the DC, as work with the parent to work with the DC. I have my doubts as to whether it works long term and don't like the short fix to give entertainment.

It can be detrimental when people try and copy. Not long ago there was a poster who had tried the 'naughty step', without understanding it and left her poor DS for hours. She got slated and never came back, such a shame because she needed help, not everyone telling her what a terrible mother she was.

[FreudianSlipper]

i loath i do not like her tactics (naughty step, naught map constant use of reward charts i feel are not necessary and we get by fine without them) and what i especially dislike is her humiliating and belittling parents in front of their children what message does this give and on national tv too

still that is entertainment for some not for me there are better ways of dealing with families that are struggling than humiliating them

and she has seems to have very little understanding of emotional development, when i heard her interviewed i was shocked at her lack of knowledge and she is called a child care expert parenting is not always about using your common sense

[pleasekeepcalmandcarryon]

I remember the naughty step thread. I felt sorry for the OP as my eldest DS is hugely oppositional and stubborn and is the kind of child that would allow himself to starve to death in an empty room rather than say sorry. You have to find different ways of dealing with stuff.

I have found all 4 of my DC have responded to different methods of parenting.

DD- bribery/reward
DS1- bribery/reward
DS2- rules/consistancy/time out, he doesn't care about getting 'stuff' the way the others do.
DS3- reward/timeout, likes praise and will always say sorry.

[FreudianSlipper]

naughty mat

[MorelliOrRanger]

I think YABU. It should be a choice and not compulsory and I chose not to watch her as I can't stand her shows or 'some' of a parenting styles.

Surely most of what she says is common sense anyway?

[exoticfruits]

A lovely lady I once knew who ran a viilage playschool once said "There are no problem children just problem parent's" It was said very tongue in cheek so don't get your knicker's in a twist mums'

A lot of truth in it.
There are many DCs who are monsters at home and angels with other people!

I think that you are so right,sunshinenanny, with one size never fits all-this is why I am always so against something being best for all babies and DCs. e.g. attachment parenting being better for all babies-it will be for lots ,but not for those who want to be put down in their own space.

I am firmly of the opinion that you need to wait and see the personality of the DC you get and respond tothe DC you have-not expect them to fit you ideologies when they haven't read the same books!

A lot of Jo Frost's strength is just giving the parents chance to talk things over and to see themselves. Most parents, if filmed and played back, would be fairly shocked at some of it. It is easy to be a wonderful parent with rest,not so easy when you have been 5 nights, or longer without sleep!

My DS once taped me when I was all uptight ,because I was trying to get us out of the house for a day ,and they were not being in the least helpful-I am so glad that it got lost! We all have moments like that.

Jo Frost would find it so much more difficult with her own DCs. I think that I could sort out a lot of other people's DCs eating problems and I'm sure that I could-but then I am not emotionally involved. It is far more difficult with my own.

[joric]

Oh god I had forgotten about her 'one-to-one chat scene'