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AIBU?

DH just came home and...

60 replies

SpareRoomSleeper · 30/06/2011 15:50

I had opened the blinds fully (as I do when its nice and sunny), and we had a conversation which followed thus:
Him:
what have you guys been upto (me and DD who is 2)
Me: "the usual",
Him: "whats the usual"
Me: "the usual cleaning, bathing, feeding, more cleaning up, playing etc".

Him: "these windows are abit dirty arnt they.
Me: Yes they are.
Him: Why dont you clean them?

Cue me feeling immediately mad and irritated, and said some stuff along the lines of : I dont need instructions from YOU, I can bloody well arrange my own chores for my own self thanks very much.

I still feel really pissed off now though.

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SpareRoomSleeper · 30/06/2011 16:56

I hate to sound like one of those women who write saying their DH/DP is a twat, and then we he gets stick from mnetters, is quick to defend him, but...I spent two weeks with my mum after my Dad went, and DH was supportive in coming and going to visit us, bringing clothes etc from home, picking us up, then I went again for another four days after a couple of weeks, and DH stayed one night and came back home on sunday for work. When I got back, hes been trying in his own way to help, by getting me out of the house to go shopping, eat out etc.

Somebody asked if hes really recovering, and he is. But like I said, he just cant help himself from making comments about things, like windows. Its almost like this habit is engrained into the fibres of his being

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nickelbabe · 30/06/2011 16:57

but it's like he thinks that you've had your period of grieving and should be over it now.

That's not supportive - that's being a twat - he is supportive when it suits HIM

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CrapolaDeVille · 30/06/2011 17:00

He can help himself....he wouldn't say it about his boss's windows....he doesn't want to stop himself from saying it to you.

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SpareRoomSleeper · 30/06/2011 17:02

Yes, I thought that too nickelbabe, and thats how I feel too.

And yes, he CAN help himself.

And those were excuses.

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HerHissyness · 30/06/2011 18:13

In future say Nothing, but hand him the windowlene and a cloth.

The cheeky git.

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Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 30/06/2011 18:31

Get some windowlene and write TWAT across the window in large letters.

Thus killing two birds with one stone - he'll get the message, and most likely he'll clean the window.

Finally, critique his job without looking up from your Grazia...."hmmm, you've missed a bit in the corner...and it's a bit smeary..."

Finish by stuffing the corner of a kilo slab of dairy milk in your mouth and sucking it noisily...mmmmmmm "can you turn the telly over while you're up luv?"

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SpareRoomSleeper · 30/06/2011 18:41

I dont think I could behave like that if I tried, binfull....

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Adagoo · 30/06/2011 19:29

spareroom if he's recovering, then he knows he has a problem re the cleaning, and he is trying to stop it. I haven't read your other threads so i'm sorry if I've missed the point.

It's a throwaway comment about the windows. He probably knows he was out of order, but it is hard to justify how he has made you feel by referring to windows. It seems such a small thing.

If you can, you need to avoid talking about windows at all costs, as that will make it seem like you are fixated on a tiny non-issue.

Tell him that you could probably get a lot done if you were to prioritise cleaning over bringing her up. You could leave her in front of the telly all day and clean. I'm sure he wouldn't want that.

looking after children is a job. The housework fits in round the children, it shouldn't be the other way round.

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tethersend · 30/06/2011 19:37

Arf at it being his house when he wants to make a comment, but not when the windows need cleaning. Then it appears to be your house.

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Inertia · 30/06/2011 19:44

SpareRoom- when he says "Why don't you clean them", your response should be "because I have prioritised meeting the needs of my child. I am not willing to let her go hungry, unchanged or ignored because of your issues. If you are that bothered you clean them".

Or, " It would not be safe to climb up on stepladders with DD around, as she might well climb up after me and I wouldn't be able to get down or get her down. I am not willing to put your issues above our DD's safety".

Two-year-old children need pretty much constant supervision. Have you ever left him in charge of DD for a day? How would he balance the cleaning /caring ratio?