Group counselling - one person dominating group

[Hammy02]

I've been going to group counselling for a few weeks but there is a bloke that takes over. In the last session, each of us had to give a brief history of our lives, only an hour and 12 people in group so knew we had to keep it short. He talked for 20 minutes and as the counsillors don't want to stifle anyone, they let him carry on and on. Eventually one of them stepped in and asked him to hurry it up as time was running out. He looked miffed and said, 'OK, 2 more minutes' and proceeded to waffle on for another 5. He used up so much time that 3 people didn't have a chance to speak at all. I don't know what to do but he is putting me off going back as all I can remember is him from the session.

Hammy02 - sorry, Othehugemanatee said it better than me. I've done group therapy and it is sometimes about thinking either individually or as a group - should I challenge someone? why is this irritating me so much? what's this doing to me is all part of the therapeutic process.

I personally don't think it works if the leaders allocate say, 5 minutes each to each person. Because life isn't like that either.

That said - sometimes the leaders do have to step in if this one guy is skewing the session especially if you are still new.

It is worthing asking - not necessarily in private but in the group - what the approach is to 'arbitration', both of time hogging and issues such as not listening or conflict between participants.

It is not necessarily the role of the leader to act fairly (in the sense of letting the group work things out themselves) in the way that say a teacher might.That's quite hard thing to cope with. Especially if your are vulnerable.

it's also useful to know if the whole group is starting together at once. Or if it is a kind of rolling leaving and starting? Is everyone new?

OTheHuge. I didn't feel personally dominated by him. I just thought it was very unfair that he took up 20 minutes of an hour resulting in 3 people having no time at all. I didn't challenge him as I think a counsellor should have done this. I don't want to have any bad feeling between myself & him. I just think if he is so unaware of other people, maybe a group session is inappropriate for him.

thats bad practise on the counsellors they are there to facilitate the group environment. however if you said this out loud i strongly suspct the cousnellor might try and encourage you to discuss why you feel put out by this bloke and what it says about you in relation to the group dynamics and where all this stems from.

just hope you dont have a psychodynamic therapist "facilitating" lol

Hammy In my group, the question for you would be exactly that: what's making you think that challenging him would produce bad feeling? And why would the expectation/prospect of bad feeling be a source of concern for you? And furthermore where does the assumption come from, for you, that a third party/authority figure should manage conflict or difficult situations?

Obviously I wasn't there and don't know the dynamics, and I'm certainly not making this all about you or suggesting that you're somehow at fault. But your choice to act or not act is based on a set of assumptions and expections. And these expectations we have of how others are going to react is the bread and butter of group therapy: the whole point is to create a safe space where a group can explore the assumptions that inform group members' interactions, and possible change or do things differently.

OTheHugeManatee (and Sunshinenow).
Point really well put - was trying to say same thing, but less skilfully... (which shows how these group dynamic things can work, I reckon...)
I really hope you don't give up on the group thing, OP. I think it can be really useful and interesting, even though sometimes (often) it can be amazingly frustrating.

hi again,

But in my group we have had this situation quite a few times. Without going into too many details, in two instances the leader should have intervened (I am must admit I was seething), and leader reflected on her own thought processes on whether she should have intervened, when a few weeks space had passed.

However, in other cases, the conflicts that have arisen out of one person dominating and the feelings that arouses have been some of the most powerful and changing sessions we've had. Not least because unfairness, irritation and anger are really authentic emotions - it's hard to put up a 'front'.

It also brought in different ways how hard it is to challenge other people's behaviour and how scary that is. For others, how the deep down thought things should be 'fair' and therefore wanted the leader to sort things out - which if they did wouldn't have brought these things out so vividly.

It might be of course the leaders are just not very good ;-).

I sorry you are having a such a hard time, and you will see your own way through, I've responded because all the initial responses focussed on how the leaders must not be very good, it was clearly badly run and everyone should get their equal share (and they should - but maybe over time).

I just wanted to present a different view that the interpersonal conflicts are part and parcel of group therapy - and you can learn a lot from them.

Good luck with it all though.

If it were any other circumstance, I wouldn't hesitate to say something. For example, if it were a work meeting and someone wouldn't shut up, I would (and have) intervene and suggest that we allow someone else to speak. This is such a unique environment that I didn't say anything. I wouldn't want to make other people feel paranoid about taking up a bit of extra time. That would be fine. This guy took the mick though, taking a third of the allocated time as opposed to a twelth.

is he new as well? or been going a while?