To count the refusals for my wedding rather than acceptances.

[oohlaalaa]

I'm getting married this summer. I'm very fortunate in that my parents are self-made millionaires. They are rather showy, unlike me and DP, and are insisting on paying for the day and having a big knees-up. Think five course meal and free bar all day for 200 guests.

If it was up to me we'd have a very small do, with a bbq in the garden for about 40 guests. However my parents will not let me have any alternative hippy wedding (their words), I have three brothers, and so as the only daughter, they want a big flash wedding for me. Also DP is quite traditional, and is now looking forward to the wedding. I have basically been bulldozed into this wedding. At the end of the day, I get to marry my wonderful DP, and the wedding is only one day.

DP and I are much more introverted than our parents, our friends total 34 of the guests, with the rest being parents and in-law friends and family. We do both come from big families.

I am rather nervous by the numbers, and count the refusals that come in, rather than acceptances.

I was reading another tread about children at wedding, and Bride and Groom being disappointed when guests could not come. My feelings are that as long as they are not my best friends or closest family, I just look at it that we have been polite in inviting them, and now they are not coming, we get a slightly more intimate wedding, and my parents do not have to pay for them.

Am I mean? Was anyone else pleased when they got a refusal?

[excellentadventure]

I'm on your wavelength, oohlaalaa. I think you're being incredibly tactful with your replies to other posters. It was inevitable that your situation would stir up jealousy in some quarters, so take no notice of the stirrers

[oohlaalaa]

Thank you excellentadventure - I'm glad I make sense to you! I'm probably being a bit too much of a moaner on this thread.

[kickassangel]

actually, it can be easier to be less the centre of attention if you're at a big do. know who you want to speak to, and spend some time with them. people you don't know - smile & nod, say 'i hope you're having a lovely time, it's so nice to see you' then spot Great Aunt Beatrice or whoever & excuse yourself to go & sit with them for a while.
if there's plenty of free booze & your dad's the sociable type then everyone will think it's been a wonderful time.

if you had a smaller do, everyone would be expecting to talk to you all the time & you wouldn't be able to hide in a big crowd.

in fact - could you hire a body double to waft around, smiling serenely, while you lurk in the background?

[FabbyChic]

What no disco? How can you dance to oops up side your head with a swing band?

[IslaValargeone]

I will confess from the outset that I can't offer any unbiased advice, as I'm soo envious. My now dh's parents were so meh about us getting married it wounded him to the core. We ended up going away just the two of us and getting two witnesses off the street. Whilst elements of that scenario were very romantic, and arguably very 'us'; ultimately I don't think he's ever got over their lack of interest. And I know if someone was offering me a day with bells and whistles I'd bite their hand off I think.
Whatever you decide though, have a lovely day.