AIBU?
Worried about swinging neighbours kids
taylor74 · 20/05/2011 11:20
My next door neighbours who I have know for 2 yrs are swingers.It does not bother me what they do,its their life,what concerns me as a parent is the fact they have 2 kids a 9 and a 11 yr old. The other night she popped round to see if I could look after them as she had "friends" over. I said no as my DD was at her nans so me and DH was going to have a meal out.
The next day I asked if she found a sitter,she said no,I said well you can always rearrange another night to play,she said "Oh I played,just put the kids upstairs while I entertained" I was in shock,these men are strangers that come to her home,they could be anyone. I know we all need time out and a sex life but she was putting her needs before her kids.
AIBU
LaurieFairyCake · 20/05/2011 11:24
Providing they were in a locked room I don't see the problem. There would be a problem if they were viewed having multiple sex by the children.
It's bad enough children walking in when you're having sex without them viewing different partners with their parents.
taylor74 · 20/05/2011 11:32
I know they are swingers as shes very open about it,not that it bothers me,if it works for them then great. I am unsure if she locked them in their room,but we all know what kids are like,mine won't stay in her room for very long,so I sort of thought what if her kids came down and saw them? That was my ultimate concern and I feel bad wishing I had babysat now. But as my DH says we have a life too and its not very often we get free time.
LaurieFairyCake · 20/05/2011 11:33
No, I meant I hope the living room was locked not that she'd locked the poor kids in.
And I hope they didn't hear anything - can't think of anything much worse than hearing squelchy stranger sex. And while I think consenting adults can mostly do what they like I don't think children should be subjected to orgies/multiple partners.
It does seem more difficult to understand from a childs point of view than just catching your parents at it.
ObiWan · 20/05/2011 11:41
Do you think that she has sex with her husband in front of the children? No?
Do you think they are any more likely to have sex with a stranger in front of them?
Families are funny. Perhaps the children are aware that their parents take a less exclusive approach to relationships than is considered to be the norm.
Maybe they'll sell up in a few years and set up a free-loving commune in the sticks!
Or pehaps she is just a lover of fancy child-free dinner parties, and having spotted your stressy-ness has decided to wind you up!?
Snuppeline · 20/05/2011 11:44
If you are sure that it was a sexual set up (must admit it does sound like that when she says "I played") rather than friends over YANBU-at-all. Intimacy between a couple is fine when the kids are in the house, otherwise how will you ever have sex! But having sex with strangers while your children are in the house that's obscene. I would be worried about the children being exposed to things they shouldn't be exposed to too early. I've no problem with the swinging lifestyle or whatever consenting adults may get up to but it should not take place where children are. To woman should have rescheduled with noone to babysit!
worraliberty · 20/05/2011 12:01
As long as they were discreet I don't see the problem.
FWIW my kids would never dream of coming downstairs once they've gone to bed, they always call down first. Not for any particular reason other than those are the rules (saves them wandering up and down all night)
nijinsky · 20/05/2011 12:16
I'm sure at 9 and 11 yo, the children are at the age where they are beginning to be aware of what is going on. Natural curiosity at the age will make them wonder what is happening downstairs. Maybe its hidden well from them, but I'd be concerned that someone who "just put their children upstairs" while having a swinger's party downstairs doesn't sound that bothered. Thats all we have to go on here obviously, but I'd be concerned too and I'm with OP on this one.
CarrotsAreNotTheOnlyVegetables · 20/05/2011 12:26
My kids are 9 and 11.
No way would they sleep through an orgy going on dowstairs and not notice it!
They are not babies and they are not stupid.
This just should not be going on with kids in the house. They will definitely have a pretty good idea of what is going on and could be pretty disturbed by it.
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 20/05/2011 12:37
It's grim enough hearing your own parents bed squeakings and moanings - but it's one of those things and kids get over that.
But bloody hell, imagine having to endure various voices groaning and yeah-babying downstairs. Yuck, yuck, yuck.
They'll soon be teenagers. I hate to think that their first encounter with adult sex would be hearing their parents get it on with randomers in the sitting room. Surely that's got to skew their perspective somewhat? What bloody message is it sending?
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