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AIBU?

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Original poster

Worried about swinging neighbours kids

76 replies

taylor74 · 20/05/2011 11:20

My next door neighbours who I have know for 2 yrs are swingers.It does not bother me what they do,its their life,what concerns me as a parent is the fact they have 2 kids a 9 and a 11 yr old. The other night she popped round to see if I could look after them as she had "friends" over. I said no as my DD was at her nans so me and DH was going to have a meal out.
The next day I asked if she found a sitter,she said no,I said well you can always rearrange another night to play,she said "Oh I played,just put the kids upstairs while I entertained" I was in shock,these men are strangers that come to her home,they could be anyone. I know we all need time out and a sex life but she was putting her needs before her kids.
AIBU

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 20/05/2011 11:23

Seriously? How do you know that they are swingers? I honestly don't think it's something that they would advertise. I was under the impression that swingers were discreet.

LaurieFairyCake · 20/05/2011 11:24

Providing they were in a locked room I don't see the problem. There would be a problem if they were viewed having multiple sex by the children.

It's bad enough children walking in when you're having sex without them viewing different partners with their parents.

cantspel · 20/05/2011 11:27

I really hope she didn't lock them in a upstairs room so she could get her rocks off with strangers.

She sounds quite selfish.

Original poster
taylor74 · 20/05/2011 11:32

I know they are swingers as shes very open about it,not that it bothers me,if it works for them then great. I am unsure if she locked them in their room,but we all know what kids are like,mine won't stay in her room for very long,so I sort of thought what if her kids came down and saw them? That was my ultimate concern and I feel bad wishing I had babysat now. But as my DH says we have a life too and its not very often we get free time.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 20/05/2011 11:33

No, I meant I hope the living room was locked not that she'd locked the poor kids in.

And I hope they didn't hear anything - can't think of anything much worse than hearing squelchy stranger sex. And while I think consenting adults can mostly do what they like I don't think children should be subjected to orgies/multiple partners.

It does seem more difficult to understand from a childs point of view than just catching your parents at it.

Original poster
taylor74 · 20/05/2011 11:39

I am unsure if she locked the living room door.
I am probably over reacting here.

OP posts:
ObiWan · 20/05/2011 11:41

Do you think that she has sex with her husband in front of the children? No?

Do you think they are any more likely to have sex with a stranger in front of them?

Families are funny. Perhaps the children are aware that their parents take a less exclusive approach to relationships than is considered to be the norm.

Maybe they'll sell up in a few years and set up a free-loving commune in the sticks!

Or pehaps she is just a lover of fancy child-free dinner parties, and having spotted your stressy-ness has decided to wind you up!?

Snuppeline · 20/05/2011 11:44

If you are sure that it was a sexual set up (must admit it does sound like that when she says "I played") rather than friends over YANBU-at-all. Intimacy between a couple is fine when the kids are in the house, otherwise how will you ever have sex! But having sex with strangers while your children are in the house that's obscene. I would be worried about the children being exposed to things they shouldn't be exposed to too early. I've no problem with the swinging lifestyle or whatever consenting adults may get up to but it should not take place where children are. To woman should have rescheduled with noone to babysit!

Original poster
taylor74 · 20/05/2011 11:45

Maybe I am stressed about it Obi but would see it as more of concern than stress.

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 20/05/2011 11:47

If they didn't 'swing' until the kids were asleep I don't see the issue, though completely understand your concern.

WeirdAcronymNotKnown · 20/05/2011 11:50

Hmm I'm with you OP... I really hope they were as discreet as possible.

DH walked in on his mum with various men when he was a child, it really messed him up.

worraliberty · 20/05/2011 12:01

As long as they were discreet I don't see the problem.

FWIW my kids would never dream of coming downstairs once they've gone to bed, they always call down first. Not for any particular reason other than those are the rules (saves them wandering up and down all night)

AlpinePony · 20/05/2011 12:05

Wtf? Are you for real?

Do you also monitor who comes and goes for coffee?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 20/05/2011 12:11

But would it only be coffee Alpine.
The mother of friend when I was 11-18 was a prostitute. She entertained her clients in the living room.
If we got back to her house and the curtains were closed, we had to go straight upstairs.

TobyLerone · 20/05/2011 12:14

You are allowing your judgement of her lifestyle to get in the way. It's none of your business.

nijinsky · 20/05/2011 12:16

I'm sure at 9 and 11 yo, the children are at the age where they are beginning to be aware of what is going on. Natural curiosity at the age will make them wonder what is happening downstairs. Maybe its hidden well from them, but I'd be concerned that someone who "just put their children upstairs" while having a swinger's party downstairs doesn't sound that bothered. Thats all we have to go on here obviously, but I'd be concerned too and I'm with OP on this one.

cannydoit · 20/05/2011 12:22

how do you know they are strangers? they might be friends/regulars.

worraliberty · 20/05/2011 12:24

But when I was a kid, my parents often had guests round to our house. How would the kids know if they were just entertaining 'normally' or if the night ended in sex with the guests?

CarrotsAreNotTheOnlyVegetables · 20/05/2011 12:26

My kids are 9 and 11.

No way would they sleep through an orgy going on dowstairs and not notice it!

They are not babies and they are not stupid.

This just should not be going on with kids in the house. They will definitely have a pretty good idea of what is going on and could be pretty disturbed by it.

AlpinePony · 20/05/2011 12:26

worral My point exactly - you're just far more polite than I! Wink

CarrotsAreNotTheOnlyVegetables · 20/05/2011 12:28

worraliberty - the kids will know what is going on if they do what a lot of kids of this age would do if guests come round and sneak down to see what they are missing out on.

Well, my kids would but maybe they are just especially nosy!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 20/05/2011 12:29

I would be worried too.

Assuming that you've not misunderstood what's going on, then surely it's bloody dangerous to have multiple randomers around for sex whilst your dcs sleep upstairs.

Not on at all.

TobyLerone · 20/05/2011 12:31

What cannydoit and worraliberty said.

My children would never sneak back downstairs to see what was going on once having been sent to bed.

I think you are being nosy and making massive assumptions, OP.

Nancy66 · 20/05/2011 12:31

If they're having a gang bang in the living room - the kids are going to know about it. Especially the 11 year old

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 20/05/2011 12:37

It's grim enough hearing your own parents bed squeakings and moanings - but it's one of those things and kids get over that.

But bloody hell, imagine having to endure various voices groaning and yeah-babying downstairs. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

They'll soon be teenagers. I hate to think that their first encounter with adult sex would be hearing their parents get it on with randomers in the sitting room. Surely that's got to skew their perspective somewhat? What bloody message is it sending?