AIBU ask school to place DS with his best friend when they start in Sept? (PFB alert)

[Stickwithit]

My DS starts primary school in September. He has developed a close friendship with a boy who lives in our street- will call him John. They attend playgroup together (John goes every day, my DS goes twice a week). I am also friends with John?s parents. We often share the playgroup ?run? between us and they play at each other's houses a lot.

They generally get on really well. I know John comes out of his shell on the days that my DS attends preschool. They tend to be stuck together like glue when they are there.

I think in general they are good for each other but the negative side is that if one of them cannot sit with the other they sometimes get upset. Also although DS is the more confident of the two in new situations, once they settle in he tends to follow John?s lead and perhaps does not get the opportunity to do things his way, as he seems to want to be exactly like John. I have had chats to my DS about everyone being friends and that although John is his ?special? friend he may not always be able to sit with him etc..

I feel they would settle into school more easily if they were in the same class. I am tempted to contact the school somehow to request that they are put together (will double check that John?s parents agree). I accept that arranging classes must be a difficult task for teachers and I am quite prepared to be overridden by the teachers if they do not feel my request is reasonable or practical.

However, I am not sure if this is me being ridiculously PFB?! I know DS (and John) will be heartbroken if on their first day they are separated. I feel that I would be letting DS and John down if I don?t at least make the teachers aware if their close friendship. However, I realise there might be some benefit to separating them in terms of making new friends and developing as individuals.

So two AIBU really! Firstly, AIBU to think they would benefit from being together? Secondly AIBU to contact the school and ask that they consider placing them together (goodness knows how I will do this- by email maybe)?

Also an apology for the ?trivialness? of this post. It must seem ridiculous to experienced mums with DC at school. I am going to need to toughen up!!

[Acanthus]

OP it doesn't seem pathetic at all, we all worry about them when they start school. But heed what mums of older children tell you, he'll be fine honestly. You can always explain about being in different classes but the same playground if it turns out they're not together. And it's nice for kids to have different friends.

[CurrySpice]

I can't say I balem you for being anxious but I am sure your DS will be fine whether he or John are together or not

I spent most of DD1's infant school worrying that DD1 didn't have a "best" friend. One of my friends with a DS at a different school spent exactly the same time worrying that he was too reliant on his best friend and didn't spread his wings at all

It's natural to worry but think this one should sort itself out!

[CurrySpice]

balem = blame

[WhatsWrongWithYou]

I agree chiccleteeth is being harsh. Nothing wrong with worrying about your child's potential friendships when starting school.

When DS1 was starting (10 years ago) we were given the option to make requests, so it's not unheard-of - some schools clearly see that as a kind approach.

I chose not to make a request for DS to be with the boy he considered his bf from nursery, mainly because the other boy already had a wide friendship group and I thought it would be better for DS to branch out in the long run.

The first day, when he gaily followed his mate into the wrong classroom and was told his class was next door, was hard. The look of bafflement and disappointment on your pfb's face at these moments never leaves you.

Not saying you should or shouldn't make the request, op, but don't be embarrassed for considering it.

[fifitrixibell]

your first child starting school is such a scary thing - everything to do with it seems like such a big deal, so YANBU to be thinking about this. From personal experience of almost exactly the same situation i would say, leave it up to the school, though it may not do any harm to mention that they are very good friends.
My neighbour and i were asked by the school if we wanted our dds to be in the same class as neither of them knew any one else, but we decided that it might be better for them to be in different classes, so they could make new friends as well. they played together in playground, and gradually made new friends. We share the school run so they still play with each other in each other's houses virtually evey day.

I'm sure your DS will be fine whatever happens.

[MrsBananaGrabber]

I live in Canada and here they mix the classes every year (schools tend to be quite big with more than one class in the year group) I hated the idea at first but after 5 years I can see why they do it, it's good for kids to mix and not to be stuck with the same kids year in year out, it gives them a confidence to make new friends.

[Journey]

I think the school will be fed up of people making requests like this. It's pretty trivial.

I think it would be better for your DS to make friends with the other kids than already have a best friend in his class when he starts.

[ErnesttheBavarian]

Our school also gives the option on the application form of requesting friends - and this is at secondary school! At primary the kindergarten kids all tend to go to the same school so it isn't an issue - they automatically know most of the kids.

I don't see any harm in asking. Of course they can't guarantee it, but why not?

[ScarletOHaHa]

2 yabu from me. They can be friends at home and make new ones at school.

I was surprised to receive a letter this morning from school telling me my son's class in Sept. Another mum has just emailed to say she asked from my PFB to be placed with her DS. I would not have asked to do this and would much prefer that they went into different classes. I think they will socialise outside school and hope they will find new friends in school. It will all be fine

[worraliberty]

In all honesty your child might not start on the same day as John anyway. I know a lot of schools start children on different days/sessions for the first week or two...building up to a full class eventually.

[Pictish]

yabu - they are 5 and having the school go out of their way to accomodate their friendship is VERY PFB.

[sleepingsowell]

well my ds certainly wasn't 5 pictish! He was still 3 just a few days before he started school!!!

[Pictish]

Huh? You mean nursery, right?
I thought the OP was discussing school....as in P1.

[sleepingsowell]

My DS started school (reception year) at literally just turned 4.

[Pictish]

And your point is?
Sorry...I'm not sure what the relevance of what age he is, is?

I'm saying that little kiddies do not need to have their neighbourhood friendships catered for in school....doesn't matter if they are 3, 4, 5 or whatever.

[sleepingsowell]

lots of schools seem to think it is relevant pictish - if you read all the thread you'll see that a fair few people have mentioned schools sending a form which asks about any best friendships etc with the intention of placing kids together if possible.

Of course age has a HUGE amount to do with it, the younger children are the more help and support they need to settle into a new setting.

It's nice to think that at least some people/schools have a sensitive and child centred view of things.

Of course some will settle fine no matter what but for many kids (specially those with any special needs) a little sensitivity goes a long way

[Pictish]

I think the OP's lad will be fine whether he gets to sit next to John or not.

[sleepingsowell]

Personally I don't see what's so wrong, or hard, about allowing two very young kids to have the comfort of eachother's presence on their first day!

[berylmuspratt]

My ds is our one and only.

He went to nursery and then started at our village school where he knew only two children who were in other years.

He absolutely loved it from the very beginning (I was the sad face crying at the window, I did wait until I got home though:)

He has made plenty of friends and the children who all knew each other when they started have drifted into other friendships.

It is hard when your children start school but he'll be fine and so will you.

[mumblechum1]

Looking at it another way, is it fair on children who don't know a soul (like mine who'd just moved to the area) to go to a class full of little cliques of best friends?

[JamieAgain]

IME, the playground can be where children feel a bit overwhelmed (if at all), so if he can see his friend there and that will be reassuring for them both.

ANBU in thinking about this, but I'd leave it.

[Groovymoves]

YANBU to worry about this.

I'm in the same situation, DS and his BF adore each other. Both sensitive little chaps, they took ages to settle into nursery and stick to each other like glue.

In a way I want them in the same class but on the other hand being seperated would probably do them good.

God, no one tells you about all this stress at ante-natal classes!