AIBU ask school to place DS with his best friend when they start in Sept? (PFB alert)

[Stickwithit]

My DS starts primary school in September. He has developed a close friendship with a boy who lives in our street- will call him John. They attend playgroup together (John goes every day, my DS goes twice a week). I am also friends with John?s parents. We often share the playgroup ?run? between us and they play at each other's houses a lot.

They generally get on really well. I know John comes out of his shell on the days that my DS attends preschool. They tend to be stuck together like glue when they are there.

I think in general they are good for each other but the negative side is that if one of them cannot sit with the other they sometimes get upset. Also although DS is the more confident of the two in new situations, once they settle in he tends to follow John?s lead and perhaps does not get the opportunity to do things his way, as he seems to want to be exactly like John. I have had chats to my DS about everyone being friends and that although John is his ?special? friend he may not always be able to sit with him etc..

I feel they would settle into school more easily if they were in the same class. I am tempted to contact the school somehow to request that they are put together (will double check that John?s parents agree). I accept that arranging classes must be a difficult task for teachers and I am quite prepared to be overridden by the teachers if they do not feel my request is reasonable or practical.

However, I am not sure if this is me being ridiculously PFB?! I know DS (and John) will be heartbroken if on their first day they are separated. I feel that I would be letting DS and John down if I don?t at least make the teachers aware if their close friendship. However, I realise there might be some benefit to separating them in terms of making new friends and developing as individuals.

So two AIBU really! Firstly, AIBU to think they would benefit from being together? Secondly AIBU to contact the school and ask that they consider placing them together (goodness knows how I will do this- by email maybe)?

Also an apology for the ?trivialness? of this post. It must seem ridiculous to experienced mums with DC at school. I am going to need to toughen up!!

[SoupDragon]

zombie thread alert!

[startail]

YANBU but don't school will do the exact opposite.

[ForYourDreamsAreChina]

What happened then?

Did she or not?

Presuming the children started school a month back.

[CocktailQueen]

YANBU! I did ask for ds to be put in the same class as a couple of other children he already knew. It helps them to settle in.

[SootySweepandSue]

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I say this as I was split from my best friend when I started school and I found it very hard (my mother confirms this BTW). I was very small and a bit shy and got bullied in the first year by both a girl in my class (the biggest one) and an older boy! Needless to say I am absolutely fine but I just think it is one of these situations where you could if you requested just make things that little bit easier for your DS. It is likely there will be some others perhaps that already have friends in the same group by luck so why not ask?

I think it's rubbish to just say it's fine he will make other friends. Just think would you rather go to a party alone or with a friend? Everyone wants a friend closeby no matter what your age or circumstances are so why not ask the school.

[JamieAgain]

mumblechum. Not helpful

[mumblechum1]

Wait till they're teenagers

[JamieAgain]

Sorry, did not mean to worry you, OP, about the playground

He will be fine

[Groovymoves]

YANBU to worry about this.

I'm in the same situation, DS and his BF adore each other. Both sensitive little chaps, they took ages to settle into nursery and stick to each other like glue.

In a way I want them in the same class but on the other hand being seperated would probably do them good.

God, no one tells you about all this stress at ante-natal classes!

[JamieAgain]

IME, the playground can be where children feel a bit overwhelmed (if at all), so if he can see his friend there and that will be reassuring for them both.

ANBU in thinking about this, but I'd leave it.

[mumblechum1]

Looking at it another way, is it fair on children who don't know a soul (like mine who'd just moved to the area) to go to a class full of little cliques of best friends?

[berylmuspratt]

My ds is our one and only.

He went to nursery and then started at our village school where he knew only two children who were in other years.

He absolutely loved it from the very beginning (I was the sad face crying at the window, I did wait until I got home though:)

He has made plenty of friends and the children who all knew each other when they started have drifted into other friendships.

It is hard when your children start school but he'll be fine and so will you.

[sleepingsowell]

Personally I don't see what's so wrong, or hard, about allowing two very young kids to have the comfort of eachother's presence on their first day!

[Pictish]

I think the OP's lad will be fine whether he gets to sit next to John or not.

[sleepingsowell]

lots of schools seem to think it is relevant pictish - if you read all the thread you'll see that a fair few people have mentioned schools sending a form which asks about any best friendships etc with the intention of placing kids together if possible.

Of course age has a HUGE amount to do with it, the younger children are the more help and support they need to settle into a new setting.

It's nice to think that at least some people/schools have a sensitive and child centred view of things.

Of course some will settle fine no matter what but for many kids (specially those with any special needs) a little sensitivity goes a long way

[Pictish]

And your point is?
Sorry...I'm not sure what the relevance of what age he is, is?

I'm saying that little kiddies do not need to have their neighbourhood friendships catered for in school....doesn't matter if they are 3, 4, 5 or whatever.

[sleepingsowell]

My DS started school (reception year) at literally just turned 4.

[Pictish]

Huh? You mean nursery, right?
I thought the OP was discussing school....as in P1.

[sleepingsowell]

well my ds certainly wasn't 5 pictish! He was still 3 just a few days before he started school!!!

[Pictish]

yabu - they are 5 and having the school go out of their way to accomodate their friendship is VERY PFB.

[worraliberty]

In all honesty your child might not start on the same day as John anyway. I know a lot of schools start children on different days/sessions for the first week or two...building up to a full class eventually.

[ScarletOHaHa]

2 yabu from me. They can be friends at home and make new ones at school.

I was surprised to receive a letter this morning from school telling me my son's class in Sept. Another mum has just emailed to say she asked from my PFB to be placed with her DS. I would not have asked to do this and would much prefer that they went into different classes. I think they will socialise outside school and hope they will find new friends in school. It will all be fine