AIBU ask school to place DS with his best friend when they start in Sept? (PFB alert)

[Stickwithit]

My DS starts primary school in September. He has developed a close friendship with a boy who lives in our street- will call him John. They attend playgroup together (John goes every day, my DS goes twice a week). I am also friends with John?s parents. We often share the playgroup ?run? between us and they play at each other's houses a lot.

They generally get on really well. I know John comes out of his shell on the days that my DS attends preschool. They tend to be stuck together like glue when they are there.

I think in general they are good for each other but the negative side is that if one of them cannot sit with the other they sometimes get upset. Also although DS is the more confident of the two in new situations, once they settle in he tends to follow John?s lead and perhaps does not get the opportunity to do things his way, as he seems to want to be exactly like John. I have had chats to my DS about everyone being friends and that although John is his ?special? friend he may not always be able to sit with him etc..

I feel they would settle into school more easily if they were in the same class. I am tempted to contact the school somehow to request that they are put together (will double check that John?s parents agree). I accept that arranging classes must be a difficult task for teachers and I am quite prepared to be overridden by the teachers if they do not feel my request is reasonable or practical.

However, I am not sure if this is me being ridiculously PFB?! I know DS (and John) will be heartbroken if on their first day they are separated. I feel that I would be letting DS and John down if I don?t at least make the teachers aware if their close friendship. However, I realise there might be some benefit to separating them in terms of making new friends and developing as individuals.

So two AIBU really! Firstly, AIBU to think they would benefit from being together? Secondly AIBU to contact the school and ask that they consider placing them together (goodness knows how I will do this- by email maybe)?

Also an apology for the ?trivialness? of this post. It must seem ridiculous to experienced mums with DC at school. I am going to need to toughen up!!

[mumcanIaskaquestion]

You may find your ds school is like my dd1's school where although there are 2 classes the children are mixed together for different activities during the day while in reception/ks1.

[CoteDAzur]

YANBU on both counts. Starting school is a difficult time for most children, and if you believe that your DS will adapt quicker and easier with this boy in the same class, why not ask for them to be in the same class?

I did this when DD started school aged 3. She ended up with two girlfriends she had known from birth, and loved school from Day 1.

[chicletteeth]

My son is in year one, he knew nobody last September when he started.
He was fine and made loads of friends quickly. Not sure that not stressing about him making friends makes me a super-relaxed parent! And I wasn't stressed when he started either. What can I say, opinions were asked for and they were given.

[MrsMoppet]

2 YABUs from me, but I understand why you feel the way you do OP. Trust me, by Christmas you will look back at this thread and smile .

Your DS will be fine without John. I promise.

[Stickwithit]

chicletteeth thank you for your posts. In answer to your question I realise it seems pathetic but what i am afraid of is that DS (and John) will be upset at being separated as currently they are very close and that this will hinder DS settling in at school. They are currently very excited about going to school together.....

I will be delighted when DS makes new friends. He will have no idea that I hope he is put in the same class as John. I do not want to engineer any friendships or preserve this one unless DS chooses to. Its a simple case of me not wanting him to be very sad on his first few day- and needing to back off a bit!!

[thebeansmum]

It's an attempt to lighten the tone of the post, you know, stop it reading like the world is about to come to an end? Sorry if you find it offensive, CoteDAzur.

[sleepingsowell]

When my DS started school, we had a form to fill in which among other things, asked if they had a particular friend at pre school. It was made clear there were no guarantees but that particular friendships would be respected if possible.

I think it's a really good idea. Most if not all kids are starting school at 4 now. They are very young indeed and need all the support they can reasonably be given.

I don't think it's PFB at all. As he gets used to school and gets older, no doubt he will form other friendships; and tbh alot of reception year is about getting the kids to form friendships, and getting them to work with different kids and be able to be flexible like that.

So I wouldn't be afraid to ask, personally.

[chicletteeth]

Stickwithit not trying to make you feel bad honestly! My son couldn't wait to start school and he was actually a rather quiet, shy kid even in playgroup. His headteacher wouldn't have entertained the suggestion and made it clear at the new parents evening when we got their classes (only two in his school per year). I guess it has just kind of stuck with me. He will be fine I'm sure.

I also don't think you're pathetic for asking, maybe in some places this is the norm, I don't know. Like I said, for DS school it was discussed with new parents and highlighted that in no uncertain terms, their class assingment would be done randomnly!

[mrskbpw]

Erm, I've just emailed my son's new school and asked this very question and had a lovely email back saying they'd try their best.

In my defence, I'd never have thought of doing this if his pre-school teacher and the other boy's mum (who also works at the pre-school, so sees them together) hadn't suggested it. She's got two older boys so she knows how it all 'works'. And the school is massive (6 classes in each year).

I don't think it's unreasonable and if it's going to make your son's school life happier then it's worth a try, surely?

[chicletteeth]

Stickwithit just be the mum you've always been don't beat yourself up about this.

From reading this, seems like the HT at DS school is very firm as she would never have even asked questions about friends on a form.

[florencedougal]

does anyone remember Please Sir! and Frankie Abbott's over protection of her little bunny wabbit PMSL!!!

[Broadwalkempire]

DS was put in a class with no other boys he already knew - he knew ones in the other class....he is getting on fine and he's a sensitive soul. It sounds like you'll have contact with this little boy whatever happens at school so wouldn't it be nice to have that "special" friendship out of school.. My DS knows neighbours kids in the same year, but not same class and also goes to things where the kids from the other class are there (out of school time) - boys in particular I don't think seem to "cliquey" as the girls in the class (we've had girls falling in and out of friendship - I can't keep up !) and seem to muck in with each other regardless of which class they're in

[Broadwalkempire]

PS we did have a form we had to fill in when DS started listing the pre-schools etc he'd been to and I think on there you can state who you know - so it might be worth mentioning it there too ?

[TheOriginalFAB]

On application forms at our school previous playschools/nurseries are put down so the teacher can see who has been with whom and they usually put those children together anyway. My first son knew no one in his reception year and it was fine.

[Highlander]

You're not being PFB.

School should ask for the name of his BF; our school has sent out that form already.

Should the worst come to the worst, make sure your DS sees you being friendly to everyone in the playground. Introduce yourself and your DS to everyone and your DS will copy you, thus making friends.

[Broadwalkempire]

PPSS !! the first term or so will be quite up and down anyway regardless of any of this - it's a major thing for them ! I was very tearful at the start and DS was hopeless at going in without crying......(we're an emotional unhardy bunch )

[EssexGurl]

YANBU. We were asked at DS's school to list any particular friends. He ended up in a class with about 7 other kids from his nursery. Yes, he has made friends outside of that group, but it was nice for him (and me) to already have a network of friends at that time. They also keep family groups in the same class. So, DD will go into the same class when she starts, so I know she will be with the sister of DS's best friend, who is also one of her closest friends at nursery. I don't think it is PFB. The first years at school are so important and if it goes wrong it can be disasterous.

[MovingAndScared]

YANBU to ask - p- I would ring the school or pop in - my DS started reception and it made a big difference for him to have a friend at school - although actually they are in differnt classes but there are loads of mixed activities

[kerala]

YABU. DD in same class as her "best friend", mums friends, were very close at pre school etc. Its all imploding now as DD wants to go and meet other people and best friend is devastated. In hindsight would have been easier if they had been in other classes from the outset. Also think parents over play these friendships often they are more for the parent sake than the children ie the parents are friends and want their kids to be. DD now plays with different people every day and isnt the "best friend" type.

[QuackQuackBoing]

kerala That isn't the same situation at all.

[coccyx]

he needs to make other friends, and he will given the chance

[kerala]

Yes it is. I was in exactly the same position as OP when the girls first started school - they were "best friends", I was friends with mum, lots of play dates, at each others houses etc. We were thrilled when they happened to be in the same class but it hasnt worked out that well thats all.

[rockinhippy]

YABU - Schools can't run classes according to parents wishes, its just not practical (& trust me there has been times when I wish it has been) -

besides you could well do your DS no favours if it were allowed, it will do him good to mix with new kids & make new friends, will likely be great for his little confidence & social skills :)

[QuackQuackBoing]

kerala oops thought I was on a different thread!

[rockinhippy]

PS DD did start in a class with her friend - DD made lots of new friends though & after a while said friend turned out to be a bit of minx & DD was very happy when she finally left the School, the other girl wasn't as outgoing as DD & seemed to resent her making new friends, so it actually cause DD problems in the long run - best left alone IME :)