Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know whether to call myself Ms, or Miss?

52 replies

NettoSuperstar · 28/04/2011 19:25

I've been wondering about this for ages, and veer between Ms, as why is my marital status anyone else's business, and Miss, as why should I hide that I'm not married?

Once when I'd put Ms I was asked if I am gay?

No, but why would that matter[cconfused]
Like my bedroom habits make a difference at the Dentist

What do other unmarried women do?

What is the right thing, if there is a right thing?

Are we to put Ms, and hide our Marital status, or put Miss, and be absolutely fine with being unmarried (which I am btw).

OP posts:
floweryblue · 28/04/2011 21:02

I am still Mrs, even though divorced for nearly 10 years, and I still have my XH surname, no kids involved so no reason to keep the title or the name, apart from bone idleness and not really giving a sh*t about the label people put on me. I am me regardless of what people call me. DP actually hates that I still use Mrs XH, XH would probably hate it too if he was in contact, it bothers me not one jot.

meltedchocolate · 28/04/2011 21:03

I will also stay Mrs XH but because son is XH and as they don't have any contact I don't want to take his only link with his XH away and do not want to have a different name to my son.

exexpat · 28/04/2011 21:07

I've been Ms while single, married (kept own name) and widowed - but still get called Mrs late-DH's-surname by people who should know better. I preferred being in Japan where everyone - male, female, married, single, whatever - is normally -san, or -sama if you are being extra polite.

frgr · 28/04/2011 21:08

I was a Ms from the age of about 12.

So a Ms whilst unmarried, and now that I am married.

No plans to change.

DH kept Mr too.

StewieGriffinsMom · 28/04/2011 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fluffles · 28/04/2011 21:10

I am Ms ownname for about 99% of things, i am also Mrs Husbandname about 1% of the time, things like dinner reservations in Mr & Mrs Husbandsname.

I was randomly Miss and Ms before i married, depending on who had asked/written it. but now i insist on Ms as i am NOT a Miss and i am NOT Mrs myname.

Original poster
NettoSuperstar · 28/04/2011 21:13

Clearly I didn't think this through enough!
I was only asking, and wondering, not wanting to wander into a feminist debate.

I'll just go for Miss and be done with it.

OP posts:
floweryblue · 28/04/2011 21:33

Netto part of modern feminism, in my opinion, is that you are free to chose for yourself how you would like to be referred to. You can't be Prof or Dr without the relevant qualifications, but you can decide for yourself between Miss, Ms and Mrs.

As far as I know they can all apply to any marital status and Mrs was historically mainly used for the female head of the household, ie the mistress of the house which could be the wife and/or the housekeeper. Miss was for younger staff or children of the family, regardless of marital status (but usually unmarried, for obvious reasons). Ms seems to me a recent invention (when I say recent, I mean less than 100 years), possibly by women who don't want to be known purely by their marital status.

The only reason I don't like Ms is because I find it difficult to pronounce!

HipHopOpotomus · 28/04/2011 22:01

I was Ms when younger, but Found it tricky to pronounce properly/clearly which annoyed me.

If I have to use anything these days I use Miss - chanelling Miss Elizabeth Taylor, Miss Sophia Loren etc.

HellNoSayItAintSo · 28/04/2011 22:03

Ms originated in the 17th century as a contraction of Mistress, but fell into disuse and was revived in the 20th century. So not entirely a modern invention.

orangina · 28/04/2011 22:33

I find myself sort of camping it up when I say "Ms".... I can't help it.

whackamole · 28/04/2011 22:36

I've been calling myself 'Ms' for years.

It surprised me in my first job out of uni that one of the girls I worked with thought it was only applicable to gay and divorced women (mind you she was thick as a brick).

I am engaged and have children, will be married next year and am keeping my own name. Haven't decided whether to be a Mrs yet - but my mum never was.

I'm just such a Thoroughly Modern Miss! (Ms)

DiscoDaisy · 28/04/2011 22:43

I'm a Miss but I love to see people's faces when they realise that this Miss has been with her OH for 16 years and has 5 children with him.
Even the term Miss can be deceiving and doesn't give the whole picture.
Whilst I'm not married I'm not single either!

MayBankHoliday · 28/04/2011 22:48

Another vote for Ms. Can't see why tent people need to know whether you're married.

Kallista · 29/04/2011 08:10

I don't think you can be 'too old to be called Miss'...all the unmarried elderly patients (age 80 - 95) i've cared for have angrily said 'i'm MISS thank you very much!!' when called Mrs by mistake.
These are usually independent, intelligent ex-career women so I call myself Miss in their honour.

onceamai · 29/04/2011 09:26

I don't get the argument about this. Married woman is Mrs, unmarried woman is Miss. Statement of fact. Have never understood why women feel the need to hide their marital status unless it is something they are ashamed of or would prefer to be different. At home and socially on correspondence and at formal occasions I am Mrs DH onceamai - at all other times I am own name. At work I am own name Onceamai with letters after name and job title below. On professional letters I prefer (like the Quakers) Dear own name onceamai and no title at all.

OTH I never once considered keeping my own name when I got married - long foreign and a mouthful and have always thought it best that everyone in the family had the same name - parents invented serial divorce when it was very far from the norm. As a bit of background for MNet I am ancient - 50 (almost) and times have changed. Notwithstanding that I don't understand why it's an issue - I really don't. Part of me has always though the Quakers have got it right by giving no man (or woman) a title and using the first and last name only. Dear Jane for informal, Dear Jane Smith for formal.

vvviola · 29/04/2011 09:35

At work or on things where my 'role' has nothing to do with my family, I'm Ms. MarriedSurname

I've been Ms. since I started working - in fact where I work (public service, not in the UK), that's standard, I've never seen anything else - partly I think because in my line of work you can often have quite junior people doing quite important/serious work - being called 'Miss' doesn't help.

I'm happy to be Mrs MarriedSurname for things to do with DDs school, and on any social correspondence etc, but otherwise I really don't see the relevance of my marital status.

A few foreign language musings: I loved working in Japan where I was FirstName-sensei. I could get used to that. I liked the German system where over a certain age, all women just became 'Frau' (although was quite put out when my plane tickets, aged 20, were, as a result issued to Mrs MaidenName). And finally (I've lived in a lot of countries!) I will admit to being quite chuffed when, the day after my 30th birthday, two seperate waiters in a restaurant here in Brussels "Madamoisselle"-ed me Grin

exoticfruits · 29/04/2011 09:38

I don't think that you need to 'overthink' it. Just go for what you like. I loathe Ms, so am Mrs.

buildabridge · 29/04/2011 09:45

But you are not as feminists saying we should be free to chose, it's like we should be Ms because it's only 'our business' if we are married etc.
It's such a non-issue if you think we should be free to choose, and yet you seem to frown upon women who are proud to be Mrs, or Miss. Angry

Athrawes · 29/04/2011 09:45

I have Dr on my credit card. DH is very proud when waiters hand the card to him to sign, to pass it over to me.

frgr · 29/04/2011 10:15

buildabridge, can you name 1 poster here who identifies as a feminist and says they think women should not be able to freely choose? Without wanting to go through and read all the posts again, I'm sure you'll find most (if not all) of the self-identifying feminists on here have said the exact opposite to what your straw man example explains.

AAaaaah or maybe you're labouring a point because it doesn't fit with your idea of what a feminist is, despite the pages of articulate explanation and discussion on the idea of "freedom and choice for all"?

Sigh.

HellNoSayItAintSo · 29/04/2011 10:24

Way to miss a point onceamai. Please explain to me why it should matter to anyone else whether I am married or not? It's not about hiding anything, or being ashamed (how bizarre anyone could think so!), its about it not mattering.

And you can't be so naive to imagine that in some instances, people won't make judgements based on your title?

Ceic · 29/04/2011 10:42

I'm a Ms and have been since I could tell people myself - mid teens. If I marry DP, I'd still remain Ms MySurname.

A friend's husband jokingly called me Miss MySurname and and I laughed and told him I wasn't a Miss. He replied "Oh you're not a Ms are you?!?" "Yes, I am". He asked why.

I see Miss as being for girls, as Master is for boys. I am a woman, an adult and so I choose Ms. Just as my brothers are now Mr MySurname.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 29/04/2011 10:46

Just don't use a title ffs.

bilblio · 29/04/2011 12:10

I was Miss until I got married, people would sometimes call me Ms and I hated it. When I married I kept my surname so people expected me to be Ms, but I'm Mrs.

I just hate Ms. :)

Swipe left for the next trending thread