Horrific rudeness that fell out of my mouth today

[hobbgoblin]

I don't know what I was thinking but the depths of my brain verbalised themselves into the following rhetorical question when faced with fat lady without kids parking her sports car in the P&child spaces:

"oh are these spaces for the fat people now then?"

And she heard, and she went to move her car but then didn't because I drove off as quickly as the awareness sunk in that I had actually said what the nasty part of my brain was thinking.

You were fat, lady... and parked obnoxiously. I, however, did not mean to unnecessarily and hurtfully link these two facts in an insult.

I had to explain what a rude moron I had just been to the eldest DC too.

Telling you all in AIBU is my self served punishment.

I am fat and on a diet and also a hypocrite.

[crashingwaves]

Oh dear :(

[MilkNoSugarPlease]

[BitOfFunnyBunny]

Tsk.

Hey ho, we all engage mouth before brain now and again, you fucker. Whoops!

[hobbgoblin]

It would have been more guilt assuaging if she'd told me to naff off or something. But she looked bloody wounded. That took the the wind out of my self important sails.

[ikilledBosco]

bet that has made her weekend [NOT]

[EllieG]

Is 'fessing up on here some kind of self-flagellation? You seem to feel bad enough!

[AgentZigzag]

Sometimes shit does come out and you really, really didn't mean to say it.

If anyone's outraged at what you said, they've forgotten the times they've done it.

If you're in the MN stocks I'd just gently chuck an orange jelly at your head

[hobbgoblin]

I quite wanted her to find me in one of the aisles and shout "hark at you".

I have had a right wanky weekend whcih I know partly contributed to me not thinking before speaking. Lots of built up resentment about quite serious situation but oh my she didn't deserve that.

I am really sorry and wish I had apologised right away instead of hiding.

No need to make me feel better. I know everyone has slip ups but I have been a cow and you can all make me feel suitably bad about it since I can't make her feel better.

[TheDreadPirateRabbits]

[crashingwaves]

"Sometimes shit does come out and you really, really didn't mean to say it."

Well - yes, but it tends to be when you've been REALLY provoked by someone or something, doesn't it? Parking in a P & C space surely doesn't constitute this?

OP, I do acknowledge you say you didn't mean to but I think on some level you must have. I mean, words don't just randomly pour from our mouths, or we'd be swearing inappropriately at our bosses, even our kids :) And I'm sorry but it is an awful, awful thing to say.

I was badly depressed after having my baby and also gained around 3 stone and I do remember when he wasn't very old - about 3 months - I had to go to a new town to look for something (can't remember what) and I, very politely, approached a man and said, "Excuse me, do you - " and he snarled "NO!" I was a bit puzzled and said "well I was only going to ask where XXX" is and he said "I don't care, you fucking fat bitch."

Honestly, the fact that someone looked at me when I hadn't done anything wrong and said that to me was one of the worst things and I actually found it very difficult to subsequently leave the house which may sound ridiculous but I felt as if that was all anyone saw. Fair enough you say you didn't mean to and you feel bad but to be honest I bet she feels worse.

[ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs]

So sub conscious bypassed conscious and verbalised itself.

Been there, done that...

I ain't going to flame you.

[MaisyMooCow]

You probably did her a favour and cut her shopping bill dramatically. She probably ditched the shopping list and bought a bag of DUST instead!

[AgentZigzag]

It doesn't depend on the level of how 'serious' the situation is crashing, you can say things you don't mean any time.

If there are a thousand thoughts going through your head at any one time, sometimes they get misaligned together.

You know that's not what you meant, at the same time as knowing the other person will be thinking it's a freudian slip and you've said it so must have been thinking it.

I know what the OP said couldn't have been taken in another way, but she's already said she believes herself to be overweight, so using the word fat to describe the woman as an insult isn't the real reason behind her comment.

If that makes sense

[hobbgoblin]

crashingwaves. exactly. I know.

I know I was upset and angry about things that have been happening to me this week, and I know that on some partly conscious level I was using an opportunity to vent some of my own anger/hurt/disappointment by getting wound up about a minor issue.

I am sure most overweight people can shrug it off, if anything like me you imagine everyone is dropping jaws (in their minds) at the size of your arse as you walk by and so someone actually commenting isn't a huge step on from that. However, it is still hurtful and on from that again, there are those people who would be floored by what I said because of underlying issues they might have.

In fact, to top it off it would have floored me today since only Friday I had to phone the out of hours mental health team I was feeling so desperate about my own stuff.

See, total fcking hypocrite.

[WineComesInAtTheMouth]

Oh hobgoblin. I too have been on the receiving end of a throwaway comment like that.

It stung. [busad]

I found that a a spoon or two of Ben and Jerry's and a glass of eased the pain. Don't feel too bad lass, you didn't mean it. The fact that you are a plumpstrel too and feel guilty makes a difference.

[crashingwaves]

I'm sorry hobgolbin hugs (are hugs allowed on AIBU!)

I'm projecting my own experiences onto you and that isn't fair x

[hobbgoblin]

Anyway, I guess my post was part punishment, part selfish offloading of guilt. None of which would make lady in question feel better.

I hope remorse has a karma knock on effect anyhow and that she feels better for that.

Thanks everyone.

[PintOfStellaAndBuckfastChaser]

Don't feel so guilty op! YANBU for yer outburst, YABU for feeling guilty about it!

Ok, your comment about her being fat, was maybe slightly below the belt, but at the end of the day, that fat cunt woman had NO RIGHT to park there, as she had no DC with her, so good on you for pointing that out to her.

This was my pet peev, fan DS was young enough for us to 'qualify' for P&C (don't bother now, he's nearly eleven, normal spaces are nearest to the door anyway!).
One time, fan DS was aboot 3, we went to supermarket, and the place was packed, I spotted the one remaining P&C space, fit we was entitled to, and some stuck up looking bitch (on her own, no DC'S), in the obligatory 4x4, was away to reverse into it!
Well, I've never shouted as loud in my life as this: (to DP) " put yer fucking fit doon" he said "she wiz air first" I said "we've got a kid, she's ney, so put yer fit doon, NOWWWWW!!!!".
So he did as I told him (too scared not to!, He could see the 'mood' I was in [bublush] ).
Well, it kicked aff fae there!!! Said snooty cunt, got oot o her car, started ranting and raving at us because "I saw that space first, I was away to park there" so I replied "far's yer kids then? it's a P&C space, we've got a kid, far's yours" she totally ignored my question, and continued to rant aboot how she saw the space first!! ARSEHOLE!!!
DP dragged me away, and we continued our shopping. When we left the store, and loaded our shopping into car, I went to return the trolly and I saw the stuck up bitch speaking to one of the car park attendants, pointing in our direction, mouthing aff, so I shouted over "we've got a kid, she's ney" and the man just looked like he was pissed aff we her!

[Hiyoulot]

Hopefully she'll think twice about parking there in the future...it really annoys me when people do this - I think good on you! The fact that you (think?) you are fat too shows that you are not being so fattist as annoyed she is parking in a child space. My friend had a horrid 20-something cut him up and then whizz his clapped out sportcar in the last disabled space (my friend has a disabled child). The bloke glanced over at my friend and sneered as he got out of his car. My friend saw red and shouted over that he assumed he was mentally disabled as there was obviously nothing physically wrong with him!! So you could have said worse!!

[AgentZigzag]

Fucking hell PintofStella, you said that without a trace of irony.



I'm scared of you and you're nowhere near me.

[RespectTheDoughnut]

PintOfStella, that was like reading 'Trainspotting' - love it

[AgentZigzag]

But the OP didn't say it to hurt the woman Hiyoulot, she said it because she was struggling with her own shit.

Perhaps it's because I avoid the parent and toddler spaces threads like the black death that I find it hard to understand someone who thinks it's OK to call someone fat because they've parked in the 'wrong' space.

I would ask is there really that much depth of feeling about a car parking space, but I won't for fear of sparking something off.

[rockinhippy]

I'm torn on this I really am, you are obviously upset by your own use of insults to this woman & you didn't mean to actually say it, so I really want to say YANBU, but I can't :(

I know a very lovely lady, who having parked in a disabled bay, had someone say something very loudly & similar to her, Oh so being a fat cow is a disability these days is it - she looks very healthy, & on the surface moves normally, but with difficulty & is in a massive amount of pain amongst other problems - all the time -

she IS disabled, but because she doesn't look it, this person saw fit to insult her weight, she is overweight due to treatment to help her pain etc - she is already embarrassed by her weight & disability & was so deeply hurt by what happened she didn't dare go out again for months :(

So where as this is different in that its a Parent/Child parking space, theres no way of knowing what her reasons where for parking there - probably she was taking the P, but then again the disabled bays may have been full of others who didn't need them, so she took the next best option of a parking space with a shorter walk, theres no way of knowing the truth of it & insulting her weight was pretty low

So YADBU, but you already know that, & therefore should cut yourself a bit of slack & learn from it :)

[GitAwfMayLend]

at Mrs Begbie and the weens.

That is fantastic.

Fucking terrifying though.

[AgentZigzag]

(I watched some of that last night Doughnut, fucking brilliant. Had to switch off when the baby came on though )