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AIBU?

to be surprised by this reaction to a reasonable request

113 replies

Namechanger2011 · 17/04/2011 10:52

Namechanger and I want to be fairly vague as I'm worried about being outed and pissing off the person involved (fairly paranoid but hey!)

Getting married soon at a venue which is also a private residence. There are areas open to the wedding guests, but areas which are only to be used by the owners (completely fair enough). The exception to this is the bridal suite which is only to be used by the bride and groom.

One of my bridesmaids will be heavily pregnant at the time of the wedding, but also suffers from a disability which both effects mobility and her capacity to walk, and also results in extreme fatigue which has been made much, much worse by the pregnancy. She often has to go for a lie down to be able to get through the rest of the day. There is only one big room for the wedding and some outdoor areas, so nowhere really for her to go for some quiet time. There are some things happening in the evening that she (and I!) would really like her to be there for, but I get the feeling she is a bit worried about the day and being able to make it through.

I thought in the circumstances that it would be OK for her (and her alone) to use our room for a sleep if she needs to, rather than her (and her husband) potentially have to leave early. There are no hotels nearby so it will require a car journey away from the venue. It's about a 25 min drive to their hotel.

I asked the venue owner and he has said no, not in any circumstances can anyone else enter the room. He has offered his office for her to sit down, but it isn't really somewhere that she could sleep. Plus he said it has to be before 6pm which is before the meal ends so probably too early.

He is a really lovely, helpful, nice guy so I am really surprised about this. I would have thought in this situation they could have made an exception, and now I feel really bad as when my friend was telling me she was worried about the day I told her I am sure it will be fine for you to have a nap, and she was really relieved :( I haven't told her yet as I don't want to paint the owner as the bad guy, but I'm not really sure how to play it. He will be organising things on the day so I really don't want to cause any issues or bad feeling, I just want everything to be lovely on the day and not have the bad taste of an argument.

I suppose I can organise a taxi for her to go back and have a nap after the meal and then bring her back again, but it seems like such a shame for her to have to do that, and I know she doesn't like a fuss being made.

AIBU for thinking that this really should have been OK? And also what should I do.....?

OP posts:

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squeakytoy · 17/04/2011 21:58

If someone didnt feel well, you would sit them on a chair, someone would stay with them, someone would fetch them some water, and they would be asked if they wanted an ambulance, or if they wanted to be taken home, either by a guest who was driving, or a taxi.

It doesnt require a separate room.

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CarefulWithThatAxeEugene · 17/04/2011 22:06

Yes, but we're presumably talking about an event lasting all afternoon and evening. They probably wouldn't want to go home (especially as this place is apparently remote and there is no accommodation nearby). But they might need somewhere quiet to recover for a little while.

I just feel that if you are selling a venue for lengthy functions, it would be thoughtful and practical to have such a place available.

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CarefulWithThatAxeEugene · 17/04/2011 22:09

Sorry, that should have read like this:

Yes, but we're presumably talking about an event lasting all afternoon and evening. They probably wouldn't want to go home. But they might need somewhere quiet to recover for a little while.

I just feel that if you are selling a venue for lengthy functions, it would be thoughtful and practical to have such a place available (especially as this place is apparently remote and there is no accommodation nearby).

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Birdsgottafly · 17/04/2011 22:12

CWTAE- the problem would be providing enough space for everyone because the law states that you cannot discriminate. I know quite a few elderly people who try to out do each other in the 'imfirmary stakes' and would demand somewhere if someone else wanted to lie down. No-one has to attend an all day and night 'do' without a break, this is a very new thing. It is for those booking a venue to consider their guests. If you want a quaint old building you will not get modern facilities.

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nijinsky · 17/04/2011 22:14

I very much doubt that this is a breach of the DDA or Equality Act. The duty is to make reasonable adjustments. It is not a reasonable adjustment to make all facilities in a small, specialised venue disabled friendly in all ways possible. If it were a large hotel, it might be a different case.

It would be my guess that its a combination of it being a private residence and the owners wanting to keep disruption to a minimum, and previous guests having left a mess behind due to various people accessing the bridal suite.

What does your friend do the rest of the time? Does she for instance have a vehicle that she can lie down in?

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CarefulWithThatAxeEugene · 17/04/2011 22:17

Oh sure, that's why I would choose a hotel for something like this every time. That way your guests have the option to book themselves a room right where the event is happening.

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edam · 18/04/2011 00:07

nijinksy - I think it is, clearly, a reasonable adjustment. There is a room available. The bride isn't asking that the room be open to all guests, just one person who has a need for it as a result of her disability.

Being generous, it may not have occurred to the owner that reasonable adjustments aren't restricted to wheelchair access.

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CarefulWithThatAxeEugene · 18/04/2011 00:41

I wonder if it's something to do with licensing. As it's not a licensed hotel there may be some sort of restriction tied in with the wedding licence that allows them to accommodate the bride and groom only. I really don't know, but it could be something like that.

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nijinsky · 18/04/2011 11:20

edam - its not a reasonable adjustment. The size of the business will be taken into account, and the fact that its not a hotel but a private home.