Everyone's a fucking expert

[MadAboutQuavers]

... And it's beginning to really piss me off

I'm currently breastfeeding our three week old DS. He's struggling to settle in the evenings,preferring to feed on and off for several hours until he finally falls asleep in bed next to me, after which he goes into his Moses basket and will stay there during the night feeds, which are every three hours.

My mum is convinced i'm making a "rod for your own back" in that i'm obviously picking him up too much, and should never allow him to go to sleep in bed with me. I pick him up not at every noise, but when his grizzles turn into crying, and I know he's starting to feel distressed. How the hell she can make this assessment when she's 80 miles away beats me, to be frank.

And DP has just doubly pissed me off by saying that he doesn't think we leave him to cry for long enough either. He's three weeks old FFS

I feel like telling them to both fuck off. But their comments have put doubts in my head that i'm mollycoddling our son.

Am I being unreasonable to want to ignore them?

[pastyeater]

YANBU
Ignore it and carry on doing what you are doing. Breastfed babies feed very frequently at this age.

[Rhinestone]

Use this line -

"If I want your advice I'll ask for it. If I'm not asking you for your advice then assume I don't want it."

[duchesse]

Actually I'd use this one: "Hmm, thank you, that's certainly given me something to think about." Then utterly ignore it. It's less confrontational and less likely to come and bite you in the bum if you're at a low ebb later, yet achieves the same. New grandparenthood is funny- it brings out all sorts of repressed emotions that have to be weathered along with new parenthood.

[Rhinestone]

Well, if you had my parents you'd understand why I bypass the subtle and go straight for the blunt!!

'Tis the only language some people understand.

[LynetteScavo]

You are NOT mollycoddling your son, you are mothering him. Well done!

"I'm currently breastfeeding our three week old DS. He's struggling to settle in the evenings,preferring to feed on and off for several hours until he finally falls asleep in bed next to me, after which he goes into his Moses basket and will stay there during the night feeds, which are every three hours."

Normal, if not text book, and it doesn't last for ever. Tell everyone else to fuck off!

[MsKalo]

What is this modern obsession some people have with getting a baby into a routine so young?! You are doing a fantastic job and what these ignorant people who are bothering you forget is that it is natural and normal for a baby to cluster feed like this. What a lucky, contented and healthy baby you have! I did cluster feeding for first few months and although exhausting it was great and it helps your milk establish - listen to your instincts, you are doing so well x

[stickylittlefingers]

I always spent every evening feeding my dc when they were babies. How I loved it! And how happy and healthy they were (and are).

Just go with what seems right for you. I agree with the "hmm, how interesting, I appreciate your advice" then doing your own thing approach. No need to upset anyone unnecessarily, but no need to listen to them when you actually are quite happy doing what you're doing.

Tell you what, I am a terrible sleeper, and especially with dd1 I used to stay up between night feeds reading, with her asleep in my arms. This would be bad "rod" behaviour I'm sure. But we were both very happy, and no harm came of it.

[MadAboutQuavers]

What lovely supportive posts - thanks so much ladies

Ilovehens - I'm so sorry to hear about your experience with your DS1. That must have been utter torture for you . Poor little boy.

DP has just come up to me and hugged me, and told me I am a fantastic mum and how lucky our little boy is. He's not that bad really

DS is currently lying in his Moses basket making contented little snuffly noises.

I've decided the line for mum is going to be "Mum, stop worrying. There's absolutely nothing to worry about.". End of. Sounds a bit better than fuck off, thinking about it

Thank you once again everyone, you've really cheered me up!

[scottishmummy]

congratulations on new baby.cant over love and cuddle at 3wks nor is it mollycoddling.

[GotArt]

Ignore them. I use to do the whole let them cry bit in the first few months, listening to my MIL, but really, its awful and when I started picking up DD when she cried out and carrying her around in a sling, she completely changed because she was confident that I was around. I read an article and damned if I can't find it now, but research shows that it is damaging to let infants cry it out, physically and mentally and leads to problems later. There was also something about a child that knows their parent is there when they cry out will be more self-confident etc. Damn if I couldn't find the article, the study was done over last 20 years.

[scottishmummy]

practise your im listening face.and fastidiously ignore