Judginess at toddlers in buggies...

[flootshoot]

This is just going to be a rant but it's really starting to get on my tits.

My cousin is a lovely woman, educated, kind, intelligent but since she had children she's so damn judgemental!! We live far apart but text often, usually things like 'you'll never guess what DS did today' you know the sort of thing.

I decided to pick her brains about double buggies as DS will be just two when DD comes along and she has a similar age gap between hers. Well. This is obviously a subject she feels rather strongly about...... No, she didn't get a double buggy. She made her DS walk. Fair enough, but she then went on to say that she often sees parents pushing toddlers about and she thinks they're daft and 'making their children lazy'. I did point out tactfully that perhaps some people's circumstances were different, perhaps they needed to push their kids about? She sort of conceded and we left it there. But now I'm getting the brunt of her judginess. Everytime I mention something even vaguely related to walking (eg. buying DS some wellies) I get a message back with an anecdote about the latest child she's seen who is 'too old' to be in a buggy.

Now, the irony is that she drives! And she lives in a suburb with nothing nearby so she drives everywhere. So although her DS walks, he doesn't have to walk very far, nor does he ever have to walk from A to B in a time limit. I don't drive. If I need to be somewhere on time and can't dawdle it's the buggy. If it's pissing rain and howling a gale, the next best thing to driving is to bundle DS up in a buggy with a footmuff and rain cover (he's not even 2 yet BTW). If I have shopping to pick up it's much easier and safer to load the buggy with shopping bags and DS than to try and lug it all home and hang on to a toddler with no road sense.

Her latest text was about a school age child she'd seen in a buggy and uniform on. Apprently said child 'didn't look disabled'. But they might have been, mightn't they? Or maybe they are a pre-schooler with a 5 mile walk home. I find it amusing that she's doing all this judging from her nice toasty warm car, and probably wouldn't bat an eyelid if the same child was driven half a mile home.

Well done for getting this far....

The more she goes on, the more I start to doubt myself. AI really BU to think that it might be appropriate to our circumstances to get a double buggy???!

[ForMashGetSmash]

Huh! I walk everywhere..no car...I want this woman to live my lfe for a week! A bet SHE'D be in the bloody buggy after one of my supermarket trips in the rain! 2 miles with a 2 year old and buggy strung about with bags of shopping!

[lazylula]

Ds1 was 2.7 when ds2 came along, I had a buggy pod smorph, which was ok but would only fit on the Maclaren stroller, not my Silvercross. I used it for about 3 months, then got a buggy board for the Silvercross. I mainly went to town with my mum, so we had a buggy each. I have a car, but rarely use it if I can help it. Ds1 occasionally used a buggy until he was 4.6 I suppose, then I took the buugy board off and encouraged him to walk. Ds2 is a better walker and will be 2.10 when dc3 arrives, so will go straight on the buggyboard and will use a buggy when dh or mym mum are around to push him. I also had a friend who stated her dd walked from 2 as she wasn't getting her a double, but like with your sil she used to drive everywhere, pop into a shop and then back in the car. It is a 20 min walk from my house to town, then the walking around town, then the walk home, so quite a lot further than hers would walk.

[Firawla]

if you dont drive just get a double it will make life so much easier. and there is no rule to say just cos you have it that your toddler needs to be permanantly attached to it, they can still get out and walk when they want! something like a p&t is good if they want to walk sometimes it doesnt take up twice the space only a bit more space, so you dont feel like you are dragging round a huge double just incase they need it. i would find it a pain to get rid of my double buggy and my oldest is now over 2 yrs but especially now the weather is rainy, and sometimes they just walk slowww and you have places to go, i also use mine for ds to sleep in when out so its just more convenient. i think i will only make him come out when having ds3 or if he himself dont want to go in there. he is tall for his age so people may think he is older but tbh i dont care, i would rather do my own convenience than care what people think
if she drives everywhere she is clueless anyway, its a different situation

[xxfriendlymum]

If you dont have a car...get a double !!!
You clearly NEED a buggy and your cousin is being very unreasonable !! ..transport-swap and see how quickly she changes her views.
I had a double, and my oldest was nearly 3. Especially with xmas coming up and all the extra shopping to do.
My DS was in a buggy (sometimes) until he was 4 !! ...basically because of distance to walk to school and round town. IF I had a car at the time ...I would've ditched my buggy the minute they all took there first steps.
But shouldn't judge if don't know the circumstances.

[SkyBluePearl]

Yes if you have to do alot of walking or walk longer disances get a double. It's fine for her with her car but not everyone has a car and some people have to cover miles by foot.

[gorionine]

flootshoot, about two lines into your OP I was telling myself "I bet the cousin does drive!" And I was not desapointed

I do not drive and walk everywhere and obviously so do my Dcs. We do not live mega far from the school, just over a mile but when DD4 started nursery last year it meant that she was walking to school with me to bring her siblings then going back home then two hours later walk back the same way to nursery. She was doing it fine but I used to sometimes take the pushchair top pick her up in he afternoon because I new she would be tired. I got so many people telling me "don't you think she is too old for a buggy?". Now few month on, she is still in nursery (was born end of the year so is now doing her proper full year) she is 4 and walks both ways in the morning and both ways in the afternoon and the very same people who used to comment that "she really should be walking" now go "All that walk she does, doesn't she get tired?"

There is no pleasing some people. Do exactly what suit you and your children, and forget about your cousin comments.

[tassisssss]

OP, I'm hearing you. For some reason this is a subject people can get passionate about, who'd have thought?!

Get a double. You will use it a lot. It will make your life a whole lot easier. You don't have to justify this to anyone.

[jaffacakeaddict]

If you want a double buggy just get one. My 2 DS are 2.5 years apart and I got a P&T and have never regretted it. I still use it now for my youngest who is 3.6. If I didn't we would never get to school on time to drop off or pick up his brother. I usually let him walk home though. Also, although he is old enough to walk one way he does not have enough energy to walk both ways yet. I can never get him to walk at all when it is wet or windy.

[KERALA1]

How deeply annoying! I really dont understand people judging about children in buggies. If I see an older child in a buggy I automatically assume they have to cover a longish distance in a limited time. I had a 2.4 age gap and with your lifestyle (lots of walking) believe me you need a double buggy. We still occassionally use ours (dd is 4) when we have a big day out so the day isnt curtailed when dd runs out of energy after doing lots of running around.

[MrsVincentPrice]

As a fellow non-driver with a 2 year gap I would be horribly tempted to start adding, "yes isn't it awful how some people stifle their children - there's a child in DS's class who is driven to school and back each day! And it's only one mile!" the next time she mentions it.

[ChippingIn]

I'd get a Phil & Ted for that age gap - but I think you are doing the right thing for now, see how the sling goes, then maybe borrow the double for a little while. However, if it's one of those side-by-sides I couldn't be done with it and would rather just buy one.

[humanoctopus]

I would never have coped without my double buggy. My first was really independent and a great walker, but 2 and a half, so needed to be contained for my sanity and kept dry in bad weather! What was an interesting side effect of having the double buggy was that he didn't get all jealous of the baby's buggy, as he had his very own seat, so no mysterious disappearing buggy blankets, etc! I have seen many friends going the no buggy route for their 2 year olds when the baby arrives, and end up all screechy as its impossible to get shopping, or anything in a crowded area done. I think its just not safe...who would you chase/keep? The toddler who runs off while you chase him leaving the baby unattended? What you need to consider if buying a double, is whether or not it will fit through your door/gate, etc. I made the mistake of having a wide side by side that didn't fit through our gate, and ended up getting a tandem. Not having a car means that it needs to be very reliable (I would hate to have a buggy that got punctures, sorry p&ts) and have a very secure rain hood that closes well and without too much faffing about. Good luck.

[humanoctopus]

Oh, and on the matter of children in buggies with uniforms on? One of mine has a muscle disease and needed to go in the buggy for the 2 mile walk (minus the last 100 yards of pride walking!). I got some weirdly intrusive comments from mums at the school, but couldn't give a shite about their opinions. The worse and loudest mum was so embarrased the day of a school nature walk when I returned her son in my buggy as he collapsed into it exhausted and the teacher asked me if he could use it as he clearly couldn't manage a little nature walk. Her face was priceless. Shouldn't have been delighted, but hey, I am only human.

[5DollarShake]

I have several spanking pairs of judgy pants, but honestly, of all the things to put them on for, other people's children in buggies? Really...?

Some people really must get very little done of a day, if they have time to look down their noses at this.

[rodformyownback]

I once showed up at a sling-meet with DS1 in the buggy and was made to feel very tiny. I realised as the event went on that everyone else had driven (presumably with their DCs in car seats on the back seat, not happily facing them as my DS was) and then strolled the last 50 yards with their precious cargo strapped to their bosoms. I on the other hand had taken a bus, a train and a 20 minute walk to meet up with all these "like-minded" people. I decided "bollocks to them" then and there, made my excuses and haven't been back since (although I'm still a big fan of slings when it is practical).

There will be nearly 3 years between my DCs when DS2 arrives in the next couple of weeks. We've gone with a pram and buggy board as I really wanted baby facing me, and it's narrow so easier for the bus. But if the age gap was closer to 2 years I would definitely get a double buggy.

[MustHaveaVeryShortMemory]

Its all about time isn't it? If you want to spend hours going nowhere at toddler pace don't bother with a double. But if you have things to do, places to be and you don't want to stop and examine every twig on the way then you need a double.

You can still take a single for short/leisurely trips.

[AppleyEverAfter]

Haven't read all this thread, but has anyone suggested a buggy board? My 3-year-old nephew rides on it when he gets tired of walking while his mum pushes my baby niece. He was 2 when he started using it, and it's been a success - apart from when his dad hit a curb and knocked him off it, that is. Don't let that put you off though!

[AppleyEverAfter]

Oh, just seen rodformyownback's message. Duh!

[Nikna]

Ooopsadaisy that was brilliantly said (and getting distracted wondering how your Granny managed without a fridge, etc)

I was in the same situation... got the double buggy... and do not regret it at all. DS1 is now 3.5 yrs and still goes in the buggy when I need to get places. It is as much for me as them, as it is an opportunity to get some exercise, I can power up and down the hills and manage to get some errands in as well as a stop at the park.

I make a point of only taking a little stroller for DS2 when I go into a shopping mall, or short distances.

You do what is right for you, and ignore the odd disapproving stare. I tell you what, parenthood is giving me a long awaited thick skin

[pa1]

get a double buggy, a Phil & teds is brilliant, and you an get it on the bus !

[pippylongstockings]

There is 23 months between my 2 DS - I had a double buggy for nearly a year. I live in a city and can drive but don't have a car most of the time. When DS1 was nearly 3, I got a buggy board, as in i could trust him to walk safely some of the time but if needed to get somewhere in a hurry then he had to hop on.

It really depends on your child though - my DS2 was a much more compliant and trust worthy child, and I ditched his buggy shortly after his 3rd birthday. Lots of people comment of how he walks every where but he really doesn't mind!

[NonBlondGirl]

I found reins then little light bags with straps
found here www.mothercare.com/Little-Life-Toddler-Daysack-Ladybird/dp/B00133O1TE?_encoding=UTF8& and a very strict policy on them holding hand/pushchair stopped them running off.

We tried a buggy board when eldest DC was old enough - would not have a bar of it until second DC was big enough to try it then .

That is why we ended up with buggypod - though wish we had brought it sooner - a lot of the reviews put us off. It is not good round shops - it is wider than a side by side but was great with public transport.

You really do have to look at what is best for your circumstances.