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AIBU?

Judginess at toddlers in buggies...

98 replies

flootshoot · 11/11/2010 14:36

This is just going to be a rant but it's really starting to get on my tits.

My cousin is a lovely woman, educated, kind, intelligent but since she had children she's so damn judgemental!! We live far apart but text often, usually things like 'you'll never guess what DS did today' you know the sort of thing.

I decided to pick her brains about double buggies as DS will be just two when DD comes along and she has a similar age gap between hers. Well. This is obviously a subject she feels rather strongly about...... No, she didn't get a double buggy. She made her DS walk. Fair enough, but she then went on to say that she often sees parents pushing toddlers about and she thinks they're daft and 'making their children lazy'. I did point out tactfully that perhaps some people's circumstances were different, perhaps they needed to push their kids about? She sort of conceded and we left it there. But now I'm getting the brunt of her judginess. Everytime I mention something even vaguely related to walking (eg. buying DS some wellies) I get a message back with an anecdote about the latest child she's seen who is 'too old' to be in a buggy.

Now, the irony is that she drives! And she lives in a suburb with nothing nearby so she drives everywhere. So although her DS walks, he doesn't have to walk very far, nor does he ever have to walk from A to B in a time limit. I don't drive. If I need to be somewhere on time and can't dawdle it's the buggy. If it's pissing rain and howling a gale, the next best thing to driving is to bundle DS up in a buggy with a footmuff and rain cover (he's not even 2 yet BTW). If I have shopping to pick up it's much easier and safer to load the buggy with shopping bags and DS than to try and lug it all home and hang on to a toddler with no road sense.

Her latest text was about a school age child she'd seen in a buggy and uniform on. Apprently said child 'didn't look disabled'. But they might have been, mightn't they? Or maybe they are a pre-schooler with a 5 mile walk home. I find it amusing that she's doing all this judging from her nice toasty warm car, and probably wouldn't bat an eyelid if the same child was driven half a mile home.

Well done for getting this far.... Grin

The more she goes on, the more I start to doubt myself. AI really BU to think that it might be appropriate to our circumstances to get a double buggy???!

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Pesha · 11/11/2010 14:53

Of course not. When ds1 was born dd was 2.9 and very good at walking so I didnt get a double buggy. Big mistake! She was perfectly capable of walking all the way into town, around the shops and home again but she was also perfectly capable of running off and disappearing everytime I took my attention off her for half a second, the buggy had always been my threat, "if you run away you'll have to get in the pushchair" and it had worked and I needed it back. And yes I could have used reins but reins with a pushchair and shopping and trying to pay etc is not easy, not to mention she had hated them by that age and she felt she was too big for reins.

I also had to walk everywhere, including to take her to the drs if she was poorly and while she was fine to walk most of the time she wasn't ok to walk all of the time.

Your cousin is talking crap nonsense.

Oh and ds2 is 3.6 and still goes in the pushchair on the school run because it is up a steep hill, he is lazy and I am a cm so normally have lots of other children to deal with and don't need the extra hassle of arguing over him walking and don't have the time either. Plus it gives me somewhere to hang all the school bags!! And I dont care what anyone thinks!

My limit is school age though for my own children, my legs arent strong enough to keep pushing them up the hill when they get that big!

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APixieInMyTea · 11/11/2010 14:55

I get the looks when pushing my 19month old around in a buggy.

He's tall so looks at least 2 1/2.

He can walk yes, but I don't drive either so the poor bugger would be shattered if I made him walk the hour in to town and back etc.

Just smile and nod, smile and nod. Grin

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samcrow · 11/11/2010 14:55

I had a double pushchair for ages, can't remember exactly but the oldest DC would have been well over 3. How else are you going to get to school or playgroup on time if you're not driving.

She sounds like a very silly woman with no idea about the realities for people who don't drive everywhere.

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working9while5 · 11/11/2010 14:56

I do understand her judginess to some extent, but also your situation (I don't drive either!).

I remember my mother (a primary teacher) had a girl in her year 1 class who was being pushed around in a buggy. She judged. I can see why.

Realistically, when I have a second child, I will have a double buggy and, even if I do ever pass the sodding driving test (fourth one due soon Hmm), I imagine that I will have an older toddler in a pushchair a fair bit as I will still walk for a long, long time.

However, I do feel a bit bad about it. I know my mother didn't have us in buggies much after we could walk and I do wonder about the impact on physical development. She didn't have to commute long distances or have far to go to local amenities, though..

I think if you don't drive, your circumstances do dictate that a double buggy is a necessity but I wonder will our children walk less because of it? I know from my POV that if I manage to get to a shopping centre, I would probably have ds strapped in more than out and about and toddling as it's quite hard on your own to manage a toddler and an unwieldy buggy. I can't make it to places like soft play either, so I do have concerns about whether in this day and age, not having a car will limit his physical development.

She is BU though, not you. Just sharing my random thoughts as am in a similar situation.

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BathesInAssesMilk · 11/11/2010 14:59

In all honesty, her dc probably walks less than most buggy riders. Fit yours and hers with pedometers Grin

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Poledra · 11/11/2010 15:00

Pshaw. Ignore her. I had a double buggy for DDs 1 and 2 (2 years between them, give or take a week). I still had it when DD3 was born (2.5 years between her and DD2) but didn't use it much as
a) the extra 0.5 of a year made a big difference to DD2's walking ability and
b) it was summer so I didn't mind taking longer to get places with toddling DD2.

I got rid of the double buggy very quickly after DD3 was born, as I didn't use it much and it took up room. I did have a buggy board for my big single pram, which I used a great deal with DDs 2 and 3, and on occasion (like the day DD2 was very poorly but I still had to collect DD1 from school), had DD2 in the big buggy and DD3 in a sling.

If you do decide to go for a double buggy, keep an eye out for second-hand ones, as lots of people are like me and their doubles have had minimal use. I bought mine second-hand, then sold it on and still see it on the school run sometimes Smile

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flootshoot · 11/11/2010 15:03

I've opened a hornet's nest here haven't I .

Just off to take DS to London on the train to his Nana's. Try doing THAT without a buggy to pin him down in let him rest peacefully.

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LaWeaselMys · 11/11/2010 15:04

Love the idea of pedometers.

Please do it! Please!

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deepheat · 11/11/2010 15:04

Not directly related, but to all you double buggy people, which one is a) best, and b) most affordable? DC2 will arrive in April when DC1 will be 22 months.

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FindingMyMojo · 11/11/2010 15:28

DD (nearly 3) loves to walk & scoot everywhere, but if we are out for the day on public transport, the buggy is essential for the later part of the day. She can't go all day on her feet and I couldn't carry her very far.

She will be 3.5 once DC2 arrives so I will have to do without double by then though. Will keep sling to had though in case I need to carry baby & put DD into buggy for 'rest'.

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Faaamily · 11/11/2010 15:30

I find people who are judgy about bottles, dummies, toddlers in buggies etc complete bores. And if they push the point, I'll tell them exactly that Grin

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PhishFoodAddiction · 11/11/2010 15:33

I have a 12 month age gap between my DDs. Even so, I only used a double buggy for about a year (bit less in fact).

To start with DD2 went in the sling and DD1 in the buggy if I was on my own.If DH was there then we took the pram and the buggy! Then I got a cheap double which we used until DD1 was just over 2. After that DD1 walked and DD2 went in the single.

I had the mamas and papas twin beat which I found really good- sturdy and narrow enough to fit in doors, and was about £180. If I did it again I'd buy a 2nd hand as it's not worth it for around 10 months use.

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saffy85 · 11/11/2010 15:34

Get a double buggy and tell your cousin to get stuffed. I push my 3 year old in hers after nursery as I don't see why I should have to half, half carry her home or round the shops especially when she weighs 2 and a half stone and I'm pregnant. I also refuse to be embarrassed. Your cousin is bloody lucky her DC are willing to walk everywhere and don't sit down in the middle of the pavement and refuse to budge when they get tired.

Sorry for rant Blush had my fair share of judgeyness aimed at last day or so....

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saffy85 · 11/11/2010 15:37

Ahh just seen she drives everywhere. Well then I suppose it is easy for her to be all smug and judgey. I'm like you, I don't drive so my DD and I walk everywhere. She does walk quite a bit now but tbh it's usually easier to take the buggy.

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ChoccieDoodleyAdventCalender · 11/11/2010 15:46

I drive and have a double buggy for dd 2.11 and ds 13 weeks.



In my defence we do live in the middle of nowhere AND have to drive everywhere. If a small trip dd will walk, if all day take the buggy and she can hop in and out.

On a small tangent what happens if you have a poorly dc1? You just don't go out at all? (Again not inflicting serious disease on anyone but a cold can be debilitating to a lo and tiring!)

Get a double buggy and think nothing of it.

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hatsybatsy · 11/11/2010 15:57

had a 22 month age gap - ds qas quite good at walking but double buggy was a godsend - they sometime both had their afternoon nap in it while i sat in the park with a coffee!!

v easy for a driver to make this comment - had similar from a friend - but i walk everywhere so it was crucial for us - helped speed things up when ds was dawdling.

had the phil and teds - ds loved sitting in the lower seat and pretending he as in a racing car! (great resale value too).

each to their own really - not worth making snidey comments back - just change the silent and be confident about your decision.

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BabyDubsEverywhere · 11/11/2010 16:12

Mine are two and three - they have a fab double buggy, i wouldnt nbe without it, my ds often walk along next to it, but hop in and out as needed/wanted. Why the hell not! i have no intention of making my life harder for no reason or benefit, bugger that.

Obaby zoom if anybody is interested - Its fabulous Grin

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sapphireblue · 11/11/2010 16:52

23 month gap between mine and I got a double buggy. Used it every day for about 6 months (I don't drive if I can walk), and have now graduated onto a buggy board.

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TitsalinaBumSquash · 11/11/2010 16:56

Tell her to fuckall of the way off, if i didn't put DS2 in a buggy (he is just 4) then he would kill himself running into roads and no i can't just hand onto him i have HMS and my wrists dislocate when he is trying to get away from me. She is a twat. Grin

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HappySeven · 11/11/2010 16:56

I'd ignore her (or if you're brave make random comments about how sad it is that some children are driven everywhere). I used a pushchair for my son until he was over 3 and he's big for his age. We walked everywhere and usually it was just there for when he got tired after a couple of miles or up one of the very big hills round here. I'd much rather use it than a car and it was very useful for carrying shopping. Smile

I hadn't realised people were so judgemental about using a pushchair. It seems rather an off thing to worry about.

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HappySeven · 11/11/2010 16:56

odd not off.

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BerylStreep · 11/11/2010 17:00

Surely setting an example to your children that you drive everywhere is more likely to make them 'lazy' than walking everywhere, even if it means using a buggy?

Her logic doesn't make sense.

Disclaimer - I drive everywhere and set a shocking example to my DC. I don't judge others who use a buggy though.

IMO 23 months is too little to have to start walking everywhere, and tbh I think a buggy board is a pain if using it all the time. Get a buggy. I can sell you my barely used wee2 if you want.

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Hai1988 · 11/11/2010 17:15

I used my pushchair until DS was at least 3 1/2 i didnt care what other people thought, we had a 20min walk to the pre-school everyday to do.

So i would defo get a double buggy

Although i cant help but be a little judgey pants to the woman who lives on the same street as me who takes her DD who is 5 to the same school as DS in a buggy. BTW I have seen her run around the playground like a mad girl so no walking disability there i dont think.

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Poledra · 11/11/2010 17:16

Ooh, HappySeven, I am soooo going to miss my buggy for carrying shopping when DD3 grows out of it. My big buggy can manage a massive big bag of spuds and some other veggies on a trot back from the farm shop.

I can feel a shopping trolley coming on.......... thet are trendy and green now <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=growingupgreen.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/derriere-la-port-trolley.jpg&imgrefurl=growingupgreen.com.au/%3Fp%3D3241&usg=__PONOQoLejHC8PO43zMSMQx6LXy4=&h=553&w=520&sz=148&hl=en&start=87&zoom=1&tbnid=sV_L5xPNx0-vOM:&tbnh=148&tbnw=139&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dshopping%2Btrolley%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Dactive%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26sa%3DN%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-GB:official%26biw%3D1430%26bih%3D469%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C2300&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=305&vpy=79&dur=1968&hovh=232&hovw=218&tx=93&ty=125&ei=oyTcTIfON4qivQPX3JylCg&oei=jyTcTNW-F4rRcePsmMMG&esq=7&page=7&ndsp=14&ved=1t:429,r:8,s:87&biw=1430&bih=469" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">aren't they??

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pottonista · 11/11/2010 17:18

Slightly off-topic, but am I the only person who imagines judgey pants to be high-waisted, fiercely elasticated, and made of some kind of sturdy material in an unattractive colour?

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