Residental School Trip - (long and ranty, sorry)

[YouNeedAThneed]

Have namechanged.

DS (9) has multiple food allergies, the most significant of which is milk, because as you all know, it's in just about everything.

There is a week-long residential trip coming up. DH is going along as well - the school always take parent helpers and DH is going to be one.

The thing is that the offer that DH could go was initially promised, then withdrawn, and I had to almost insist the school honoured their promise.

DH thinks that DS would be fine on his own. I think he may be but we can't be sure.

I keep saying that the reason I think he needs one of us there is because DS is allergic to milk. All the food in the place the kids will be staying in will almost certainly be nut free but there's no way it will be milk free. And he'll be sat there every morning with everyone else having milk on their cornflakes, and who is going to check that he gets his dairy free stuff? The staff have enough to do without fussing over DS. I actually feel like we'll be doing them a favour by having DH there so they don't have to worry about him so much. As I said, it's not as if he is an extra tagging along, he is one of the number of parents they would have taken anyway.

I don't think I am all that fussy. DS has been away from home on two sleepovers: one was fine, at the other he had an asthma attack and had to come home. NHS direct said I had to sleep in his room the remainder of the night and when I later described his symptoms to my sister (a school 1st Aider) she thought he should have gone to A&E. But he was OK in the morning. He has been on one Beaver Camp, which DH attended and one Cub Camp alone, for which I provided the food. He has another Cub Camp this weekend. He didn't take his inhaler for the duration of the last Cub Camp, despite constant lectures on the importance of this. I'm saying all this to show I do let him out of my sight. Although I won't have any wine in case I have to get out of bed in the night to go and fetch him.

I am starting to feel like such a fool for wanting DH to be there. He has made it clear that he thinks it is unnecessary, and a pain, but if I challenge him he says he'll enjoy the trip and would be happy to go on it anyway. So why keep making me feel like this???

On the other hand, DH keeps trying to get the allergy nurse to tell us "just how bad or not" DS's allergies are. FWIW I actually think his allergy has improved a little. When I have mentioned it to the allergy nurse, or when DH asks her about it, you can see this look of pity come over her face. She clearly thinks we are in denial.

I am sitting here in tears wishing so much I had someone to talk to. I am tired of being made to feel like a neurotic loon by one set of people and someone in denial by another.

I wish I was going on the trip myself - but when it came to putting names down I didn't know whether DS2 would be as allergic and whether I'd still be BF him.

Sorry for the long post. I thought I'd feel better for typing it, but I don't...

I used to work for a residential holiday company and loads of kids gad serious allergies.

The staff in the kitchen were introduced to them and the food was prepared in a different area.

Perhaps you should phone the place he is going in advance and spaeak to catering manager?

YouNeedAThneed - I completely understand where you are coming from. DD is younger (5) but also has multiple allergies inc anaphylaxis to milk. It is not easy!

In my experience people imply you are being neurotic through ignorance and change their tune if/when they get a glimmer of what we have to deal with. I have driven myself mad over other people's opinions but have come to the conclusion:

I decide what is or isn't safe for my child. I know far more about the repercussions of a reaction and I have to deal with them. I also have the benefit of maternal instinct which I firmly believe is a good guide. Whether x thinks I am paranoid or mad or y thinks I am denial is irrelevant - I may not be right 100% of the time in the way I respond or plan but I am doing ok.

In times of failing confidence or when no one seems to understand, maintaining this stance can seem almost impossible.

It sounds a good idea for your DH to get involved. Mine seems similar - he is actually quite good at managing risks but will never bloody admit that it is difficult/dangerous/sad that we are in this situation. (And I don't dwell on it or wallow in pity btw!)

I would call the catering manager, be as prepared as you can and then try and stop worrying about what others think. Your job is to keep your son safe and also allow him a relatively normal, fun childhood. You are doing exactly that in letting him go, with precautions.