Meeting with new school. How should I play it?

[mumat39]

Hello everyone.

I hope this finds you all well.

I have a meeting with DD's new school (she'll be starting in Reception in Sept this year) tomorrow afternoon and I'm after some advice on how I should 'be' at this.

DD's allergy nurse will be there (fingers crossed she makes it) so I'm hoping she'll take the lead on this.

When DD started nursery, I did the whole handover of information myself, but found it too too stressful so it's great that the nurse will be there.

I am just wondering if there's anything I should or shouldn't say. I don't want to tread on the allergy nurses toes, so to speak, but equally I don't want DD's sensitivity to not be addressed.

I'm sure there are lots of parents who have been through this, so if anyone can offer any advice that would be great. I've been meaning to post this question for a while but didn't quite know what I wanted to ask so I guess I'm just after any advice really.

For info, if it helps, DD is allergic to wheat, eggs, tree nuts, sesame, soya, all legumes ( incl peanuts, chick peas, mung beans, lentils, peas, kidney beans etc), ginger, rapeseed oil, oats. There are also a few suspicious foods that I'm not sure about like celery, guar gum and others.

DD's next allergy appointment is in August so befire she starts school. Things haven't changed much in the last few years, i.e. she hasn't shown signs of growing out of any of her allergies.

Many many thanks in advance for any advice anyone can offer.

I get my other children to wash their hands after eating anything with milk in :) they are not the tidiest eaters :). so I'm thinking that my dd must have been exposed to allergens on a regular basis with no sign of a reaction.does that make sense (confused) thank you for replying on my thread aswell :)

Hi again.
You sound so much like me. I spend all my time being carfeul, so so careful and the rest of the time wondering if I'm being too careful. DD must be exposed to things as we eat some of the things she can't in the house, and although we are careful to wipe down surfaces etc, there must be traces left?? I am permanently confused, honestly. It's also very very exhausting really.

Thanks for your kind words and fingers crossed that things work out ok when your DD starts reception in September. Our DD's will be starting and going through this at the same time, so I'll be thinking of you both.
Take care and have a great Sunday. xxx

The only minor reactions DS1 has really had at school were things like having a bit of a blotchy face (just a bit red in one or two places). I don't think the teachers even noticed, but we did of course when we picked him up. It often seemed to be on Mondays, bizarrely, although that was one of his two days at the canteen (eating his own lunch sent in by me and heated by the staff).

But I think we kind of got used to him having that kind of reaction every now and again at home too and never really being able to work out what caused it, so eventually we did relax a bit as it never developed into anything more serious. Other more serious but still relatively minor reactions (ie itching mouth, bit of hives etc) happened occasionally when we allowed him to eat something out (eg soy ice cream, bread at a restaurant) but those were easily treated and quickly disappeared.

It has generally always been pretty obvious when a reaction was going to be a big one - they always used to start with projectile vomiting, so that was an obvious sign :) the two big ones last year started with itchy eyes and lots of saliva and then wheezing - but they were related to his desensitisation protocol so maybe a bit different.

There were only two times I was really aghast about decisions made by the school - once on a day trip when he was 3 and they decided it was such a shame he couldn't have an ice cream with the others (not something I'd anticipated as being part of the trip) and took it upon themselves to give him an ice lolly. But actually those particular ice lollies are fine, thank goodness. And another time when he was 6 and the ethics class (different teacher to the class teacher) were icing biscuits - he knew he couldn't have the biscuit but thought it was ok to ice one and then lick the icing off. Again he was fine, but we wrote a letter to the principal about it.

In your case I think your concerns and the precautions you've been taking are very understandable, but it is so important that you don't pass on an excessive level of fear to your DD. It simply isn't possible to protect her from everything or to make sure everyone she comes in contact with has washed their hands after eating, especially as she gets older - though obviously encouraging the others to wash hands is good. But she is old enough to know what things to look out for, eg to know that she shouldn't let the others kiss her etc, and to go and wash herself or tell someone if a situation arises that she thinks is risky - eg my son will move away if someone spills yoghurt on the table where he is eating, and ask for it to be cleaned up.

And it is an important point that you have been doing these precautions as a kind of default setting since she was a baby, whereas things may well have moved on and you may be able to loosen up a bit. Take it slowly and just see how it goes (and keep chatting to nurse/consultant about what precautions they think are still necessary).

Oops that turned into a bit of a novel!! but I do feel for you on this difficult journey :)

Hi Weta

Thanks again for your brilliant post. :)

You are right that I don't want to make DD into a nervous wreck like her mum.

I do need to help DD learn to look after herself, but I I have to learn what that means myself. She's allergic to so many bloody things that it's difficult to know where to start.

I find it really difficult to relax in certain situations, for example at soft play places when children run around eating things like biscuits or cakes that I know will cause a reaction. Or in the A&E waiting room recently where a young boy went to play with some of the toys after eating an egg mayo sandwich.

I feel really rubbish that my usual stance is to avoid those situations, so we don't go to the soft play places and in A&E I tell DD she can't play with the toys because the boy had been touching things after waiting egg and wheat.

I really do need some help with that I think

I hope the desensitisation protocol is going well for your DS. Does it seem to be working?

I hope you're well and that you had a good weekend.

Take care and thanks again

eating not waiting - aarrggghhhh!!!

Don't feel rubbish, just take it slowly and see how things go. If you really KNOW something will cause a reaction, I'd avoid it too - but if you just THINK it will because it would have when she was a baby, then it might be worth experimenting a bit in a fairly safe and controlled way.

Desensitisation protocol does seem to be going well although it's a long process. We've been doing it for 2 years now and he is currently having 230ml of boiled milk and 20ml of normal UHT milk every day, which is absolutely amazing really, given that at the start a significant reaction kicked in at 0.75ml.