Treating siblings differently re: food allergies

[BiggestPiggyOnTheFarm]

DS1 (2yrs) is allergic to eggs and nuts but DS2 (11mo) doesn't appear to be, he hasn't reacted to anything with egg in it, though we've kept him away from anything with nuts in it so far.

DS2 is nearly 1 and I'd like to do him a proper birthday cake, but of course it would have eggs in it. So I've bought some egg replacer powder and am going to have a go with that (any tips welcome!) but it got me thinking - is DS2 going to have to miss out on all the yummy things that have egg in them (cake, cookies, brownies, pancakes) so that DS1 doesn't feel jealous that he can't have them?

So do I treat them differently, allowing DS2 to eat normal foods and giving DS1 a suitably exciting substitute when necessary or do I not allow DS2 to have the egg/nut foods because I don't want to upset DS1?

TBH its not really an issue in the house, we never buy eggs and don't buy anything with them in for us to eat as a family. But, when out in a cafe when they are older, should I stop DS2 from having a muffin because DS1 can't also have one?

Interesting how everyone deals with these things. I've got a ds (nearly 5) with multiple allergies and a dd (3) without any. Like most of you we all eat roughly the same for meals just to save time. DS has soya yogurts, dd has normal, she has cheese on pasta/pizza, he doesn't etc.

However I do always make sure when we have a birthday party at home that ds can eat all the food. He 'gets' how serious things are and is constantly in situations where he can't have something or has to accept a substitute but I draw the line at a family party. He is very accepting of the situation luckily but I don't want it rammed down his throat all the time. Everything is suitable for him and I always tell him before everyone arrives so he doesn't have to ask.

I think one of your main problems is the lack of a decent cake recipe. If you google vegan chocolate cake (I think it's an allrecipes website) you'll find recipes using vegetable oil. It's not quiet the same but pretty close and everyone seems to like it (or is too polite to say otherwise ). I've also found the Betty Crocker ready made icing doesn't have dairy or egg in and is so sweet kids love it so it makes up for the cake not being quite 'normal'. I've done a Toy Story version and a Pink Princess one and they've been a hit. Just stick loads of sweet decorations on and they love it.

Good luck with finding your own way of doing things, I'm sure you will as things go on. It's still early days for you yet, I was amazed when dd had no allergies and thought it would cause no end of problems but it's sorted itself out pretty well.

DS is allergic to eggs and I would second the vegan chocolate cake idea - it's delicious and ices really well. Or if your DS is partial to rice crispy cakes, what about doing an extra large batch and setting them in a cake tin rather than individual buns? You can then ice as you wish and he would still have a cake to cut. Would doing a rocky road type cake or refrigerator set chocolate cake be another idea, with a bit of jiggery pokery on the ingredients so that it's all suitable for him?

Maelstrom I think it also depends on what your child is allergic to. My son is also touch allergic like yours but to milk, wheat and eggs (as well as nuts). We don't have nuts in the house (my husband's allergic too) but I think it would be a bit difficult to not have milk, wheat or eggs in the house (and not good for my non-allergic daughter's diet). This is also a problem at nursery/school etc as while many will have a blanket ban on nuts, I obviously don't expect them to ban milk, bread etc (especially as 4 & 5 yr olds get given free milk in school!). Not that I would want them to ban anything anyway, even if it was possible, because unfortunately life isn't allergen free. Makes me very nervous about son starting school in Sept but what's the alternative? Just got to make sure staff understand and take necessary precautions (while keeping everything crossed!)

We try to eat the same meals, but it's not always possible. DS2 (3) is allergic to multiple foods and DS1 (6) is not allergic to anything. I would not wish to restrict everyone's diet to the same level as DS2s.

DS2 does react on touch, but the same as BBs DS - bad rashes/hives/swelling etc. We just have to be very controlling around where and when food is eaten.

DS2 is aware he can't have the same as everyone else at, at the moment, is fine with that. He wouldn't want the same things as us anyway as, to him, they are horrid! Sometimes I joke 'would you like an ice cream cone?' and he says 'ew yuck - no!"'. I just make sure I always have a good range of things he can eat and prepare in advance if we're eating out. I don't pretend he's not 'different', because he is.

There are very good chocolate cakes without egg!! Very easy and yummy, no worries. Google for vegan chocolate cake or egg-free cake etc.

I have "the food-allergies mama's baking book" or similiar title, it's got the best recipes, all very easy and very good. Nobody will miss out!