Dealing with DC's anger about allergy

[Weta]

I know this has been talked about before, and I've even given advice because until now my son (7) has coped really well although did get a bit down about it sometimes.

But he's seemed really angry in general since he had a bad reaction a couple of weeks ago, and I think it may be related to his allergy - feeling like it's unfair and feeling cross that he can't eat the same food as anyone else. I'm struggling to deal with it as it brings out really strong feelings for me too, the unfairness as well and then a kind of powerlessness that I can't do anything about it.

Any tips?

Just a thought all... you may already be aware of it.

The Anaphylaxis Campaign have a helpline and support groups for those with allergies, including those with children. www.anaphylaxis.org.uk

Also, those who watch Dragons Den may remember Kirsty Henshaw and her bid for money to fund the expansion of her dairy-free desert business. For those with DCs with problems with dairy, have a look at www.worthenshaws-freedom.co.uk for dairy free icecream and drinks.

I hope that helps. I grew up as one of a small handful of children in my school suffering with allergies, so I completely understand what you are going through, especially as I now have a DS of my own.

Good luck all

x

thanks to freefrommum and topiarygal for the diet tips. I'd forgotten about avocado probably because DD wasn't too keen on it when she was younger so its just of those foods I've filed away at the back of my mind! Maybe now is the time to try again, particularly as she is expanding her limited (as much down to fussiness as allergy) diet at the moment.

topiarygal, thanks also for the reminder about food allergy mums. I took a good look at the website when you posted the link recently but will need to have another look so I am ready to chat with the school over the next few weeks.

weta, does your DS get much support from his friends and friends' parents? I don't know what kind of a lifestyle a 7 boy leads but guess it must include parties, playdates and trips out with other children?

We are only just entering the party scene with DD being 4 but I have some fantastic friends who have provided completely dairy free party food (including the birthday cake!) for their DC's parties. On the other hand I also have friends who would have a group of mums and kids round for tea and then provide a shop bought cake(s) with the comment 'I don't think mini mintyneb can have this' so all the other kids tuck in with gusto whilst DD has to see what I've brought along in my bag.

I can see that if DD is going to be surrounded by non supportive friends she will get angry and quite rightly over time.

as to the whole CF thing I have cried many tears over the injustice of it all but i am always hearing of someone much worse off than us. Also, as the consultant who gave us the diagnosis when DD was 2.5 weeks old said 'don't forget the combination of genes that gave her CF, gave everything else about her as well'. Wise words as I wouldn't change her for the world, if you took the CF away she wouldn't be the same person. I guess its something all of us on this board should remind ourselves of every now and then although I know given the chance we would tear away all the crap to do with allergies etc in an instant

Mintyneb, I have always expected to provide DS1's own food for parties and playdates, and to be honest probably feel more comfortable with taking the responsibility myself unless it is a person I really trust who I know understands the whole thing well (both the seriousness and the practicalities).

I think it takes a while for people's awareness to build up, and we changed country when he was nearly 6, so have been through it all twice really. But people were gradually starting to understand before we left, and I had one or two people I could leave him with and let them cater for him, and here this is now starting to happen too. Certainly this year (our second year here) a few parents have made an effort to have some dairy free party food and/or a dairy free cake - which I really appreciate, but usually he doesn't like them as he is so used to having only my food! Can be a bit embarrassing... also 80 percent of the kids have had their parties at the same softplay place where they serve pizza and cake, so no go there. Fortunately the parties only really involve pizza and cake or just cake (maybe a couple of cakes) or occasionally sandwiches or something, not the vast array of party food they seem to have in the UK, so he is pretty happy with a couple of nicely decorated fairy cakes and some home made quiche. In fact I should remind him that he usually hates cakes not made by me :)

Wise words indeed from your consultant, what a great way to look at it.

Here's the allergies in schools doc - sorry it's not very well set out - just keep reading down the page - not v. good on website stuff yet!
tx

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