Have any of you had to hugely reduce contact with a parent to protect your sobriety?

[pontipinemum]

There is a HUGE story here. But basically I am starting to think I need to reduce contact with my mother even further in order to protect my own sobriety.

The background, when I was 6 weeks my parents sent me to live with my GPs, took me back around 10 months, back to GPs around 2ish, then back to parents. When I was 3 my dad left I didn't hear from him again until I was 25, I have since gone completely no contact with him.

After he left my mother sent me back to GPs. My GPs were lovely people, but they had loads of kids. One of my aunts is only 2 years older than me. My care was split between some of the older siblings. I was also left to my own devices a lot.

I did see my mother a few times a year. Aged 12 I moved back to her. This was over 300miles from everything I knew. It was a mistake!!!

Her and my ''step dad'' got drunk every night. She let me start drinking when I was 13. There was abuse, neglect, so much harm done.

My mother finally admitted she has a problem this year and went to rehab. She has relapsed since coming out. But I am not able to cope with the anxiety and constant worry.

I am an adult and in charge of my own actions, but I have had two 'slips' this year already. Both times after talking to her. I had been sober for a full year, which outside of pregnancy I had never done.

It's her birthday soon and I am supposed to be organising something. She has finally gone to rehab. But I feel like I want to walk away.

Its is very unfair to walk away now though isn't it?

Not at all. Your mum failed you as a child starting from 6 weeks old. Could you imagine handing your tiny baby to your parents at 6 weeks old, to live with them instead of you? I can’t, and there are very few caring parents who could either.

You only have one life to live and your mum has to live with the consequences of her own actions. If she is unsettling you and risking your sobriety then you need to put yourself first. If you can’t put yourself first, think about your kids: you want a better childhood for them than the one she gave you. Please, put yourself first and put in boundaries to protect yourself.

@applegingermint thank you. I had done so so well in 2025. Everything was feeling positive. I just hate that I still allow myself to 'slip' when it all gets too much. It just feels like I need to hit the emergency stop button sometimes. But I need a better method

Unfair isn’t a thing here. You have responsibility for your own children now. They and your own wellbeing are what you need to prioritize.

I think you have to, and are entitled to, be fairly ruthless to protect your sobriety, and your children. I fully sympathise.

Last year, I became the villain of the piece, when I refused to go back home to NZ for Mum's 'pre-funeral'. (She's healthy as a particularly bloody minded, and elderly pony). But that meant 40 hours travelling, which I normally whiled away by drinking, then immersing myself in all my family and it's dramas - normally only survived by drinking, and my family is a bunch of borderline and full blown alcoholics. There was no way my one year young sobriety would have survived that (and immersion in my poison of choice, NZ Sav' Blanc!)

I chose to protect my mental health, my sobriety, and my newly minted trust from my daughters that I would not drink, and I'd be the same person all through the day that they could trust and respect. I do not regret that one iota.

You have one life jacket here. Please use it for yourself. Nothing is more important here than your wellbeing and sobriety. Your mother has never put you first. You owe her absolutely nothing. You can still wish for the best for her, and walk away to protect yourself. If she wasany kind of good mother, she would tell you to do that herself. Walk away x