I feel so ashamed

[KatiesbigsisterSue]

I know I am catastrophising and that some of that is due to the morning after fear.

But I feel so ashamed because I feel like every time I drink socially I drink too much and make a fool of myself.

I ended up having drinks with some school mums last night. I didn’t do anything awful, but I know I was the most drunk. I came home and my kids were still up and I ended up in the toilet for an hour thinking I was going to be sick. My husband has commented this morning about “the state” I was in. He’s making a joke of it but I don’t find it funny.

It’s just not good enough for my children to see me like that. I know that yet I’ve done it multiple times. I didn’t do anything wild or awful but they knew I was in the toilet and they also saw me drunk. And they have many times.

Nothing awful happened, I know that. But I’m in my 40’s for gods sake. It’s not ok and it’s a bit pathetic.

I just feel so ashamed. Why couldn’t I just come home and go to bed like any other person.

I do drink alcohol regularly but not in this way. I’m wondering if I just need to stop drinking all together. I wouldn’t miss it week to week. I do like a nice g&t and a glass of fizz but really it’s adding nothing to my life except wasted calories. I clearly have no self control when I am socialising (when alcohol is a feature) so maybe I just don’t do it at all and save myself all of this stress. And set a good example to my children.

That sounds like me, I never did anything bad but always got hangxiety the next day, a very lonely empty feeling.

🥰🥰 how about first of all? You be kind to yourself and stop slagging yourself off?

If you see there is a pattern developing, then take steps to stop it. Swap to low alcohol, alternate soft drinks, eat more, or just become the designated driver and abstain completely.

Sometimes it’s a learning curve, we get used to following a pattern not necessarily good for us. Understanding that pattern and breaking the cycle and doing this on repeat will help you gain back some self-respect and self control.

But please don’t beat yourself up about it, some people do this on a regular basis and never stop to question themselves or reflect so you are already making positive developments, just keep working on it 💝

xx

I think it's okay for kids to see their parents tipsy once in a while. Just not often.

If you can do it, avoid alcohol for a while. Just don't bother with it you're happy without.

But I wouldn't stress out too much about what's happened so far. You've not abused your dcs or fallen over in front of them or puked in front of them.

I completely get it. I was there too.
Eventually I accepted that I can’t drink ‘normally’ so I can’t drink at all. Acceptance is key.

I joined Soberistas and never looked back. I’m many years sober now and it’s such a joy.

Sending you love, strength and courage.

@izzy2076 your story of why you sobered up is uncannily similar to mine but I'm just 2 months in. Stopping has been easier than I expected (so far), it was the fact that I didn't have control when I did drink that was the problem. Drinking / being drunk was like a horrible friend who had a bad influence on me and I have cut her loose 😂
I feel so encouraged that you are ten years sober. I want to continue this much nicer life.
OP, try not drinking and see how you feel.

Thank you @LavenderHaze2004 and others for your kindness.

Today I am feeling less of the fear and have been kinder to myself.

Yes other people drink far more than me, in terms of frequency and volume. Some people will say it doesn’t matter about other people and all that matters is how I feel about it (and my kids of course) and while I agree, I also recognise that sometimes I can be very hard on myself. About this and other things. I wouldn’t treat a friend the way I treat myself in terms of how I view my actions and how I view myself.

@Teaforthetotal I found stopping easy too. I wasn’t physically dependent. A trick was to remember the shape and horror I felt with that hangover and the relief from having nothing to feel ashamed about any more.

Im quite repulsed by alcohol and drunk people now. I know it’s not the same for everyone how we feel when giving up but I imagine we all that life is so much better without shame, feeling unwell and knowing exactly what we did the night before. I love being alcohol free. It was like restoring to factory settings!

Good luck to everyone here and to @KatiesbigsisterSue good idea to treat yourself like a friend. Be aware too that about a week after a binge your brain starts to normalise and down play it. Fooling yourself into thinking you can drink and that it was just beer fear. Remind yourself (without beating yourself up) how awfully alcohol treated you and how you deserve more!

I found it helpful to answer the rhetorical questions I used to ask like the one in your post: Why couldn’t I just come home and go to bed like any other person.

Why couldn't you? Or could you but you just didn't want to. If so why not?

We don't do anything without reason. We don't drink without reason. But unless we stop and ask why we won't learn. My answer (for YEARS) was "I like it" or "I like the taste". But I also knew that wasn't always true AND that I didn't really like that answer either. So I looked for one that I did like and worked out how to get there.