Any tips on quitting drinking cold turkey?

[Namechangean]

My dad is an alcoholic, he has a full time job so goes 12 hours without drinking and has no side effects - shakes etc, so he’s not likely to be alcohol dependent, so should be safe for him to stop drinking.

His drinking has gotten worse in the past 6 months and he’s finally accepted he has a problem. He drinks daily, between 7 - 12 cans of beer, depending on weekday/weekend.

He’s had a problem for over a decade but think he has convinced himself it’s not been a problem until now, as it was 4-8 cans previously . Either way he’s accepted it a problem, he registered with a GP, waited 5 weeks for an appointment to be told he needs to self refer to a drug and alcohol service. He’s done that. They’ve offered him an appointment in 6 weeks but he doesn’t want to wait anymore.

His main worry is when he tried to stop drinking he cannot sleep, he gets an hour or two before waking up with severe anxiety, and then has nightmares all night.

My worry is that he will say he’s going to stop but he’ll get in from work and not be able to do it, and he will go out and buy some.

It might not be the right thing, but I’ve suggested he go to Holland and Barrett and buy some CBD oil to take before bed, hoping that it will help with anxiety even if it’s just the placebo effect.

Does anyone have any experience with this, any tips on going cold turkey, anything that will help.

Also no offence intended but he will absolutely not go to AA or any group things, I appreciate it helps lots of people but my dad doesn’t believe in any of that. I’m hoping once the alcohol services get involved they can support with his mental health/therapy etc which he needs as I think he’s been self medicating all these years. But until they are involved I’m hoping to be able to give him some tips on doing it himself.

He is alcohol dependant. He's drinking up to 200 units per week. Also, if he drives he's going to be over the limit regularly. He doesn't want to do AA or suchlike as that's only for what he'll see as real alcoholics. He doesn't think that's him. It is.

If he's serious about stopping drinking, then the help he needs has to be sought by him. You can't do it as much as you want to.

6 weeks for the initial appointment is actually quick, and he needs to accept it and fully engage with them.

Get some support for yourself, such as Al Anon. It's a very hard thing to do, watching someone drink themselves to oblivion.

Just one more thing - going cold turkey could be dangerous. He really needs some solid medical advice before doing that.

He can't go cold turkey. It's not just that the hallucinations are unpleasant, an unmanaged withdrawal is a medical emergency because people can and do die as a result; brain damage, seizures - anything up to 25% of people with the DTs can die.

He needs to wait for medical supervision.

Sleep Ease ( or Nytol) is very helpful. It should help him to drop off and sleep all night.

He’s not interested in AA because he doesn’t believe in a higher power. And he doesn’t like people in general so doesn’t want to go to a group to talk. He’s accepted he has a problem. That’s just not going to be a route that he will be willing to take.

Hes waited 5 weeks already to see the GP and for his self referral to be screened and he wants to stop drinking now. He doesn’t drink when he’s poorly and there’s been days in the last few months where he’s tried to limit his drinking to just weekends but hasn’t been sucessful but he’s never had any withdrawal symptoms. He doesn’t have withdrawal symptoms during the day either when he’s at work.

im obviously not a doctor but I my work role I have sought advice from a doctor for someone I was working with who we thought was alcohol dependent and kept going for periods without drinking, the doctor said if he’s not getting withdrawal symptoms then he’s not dependent and he can choose to go for long periods without drinking without us needing to seek medical attention. So that’s what I’m thinking and the reason I’m not worried about him going cold turkey. If that’s not right then I’m open to someone telling me different

He’s not worried about going cold turkey, obviously if it changes and when he stops he gets symptoms he will have to carry on drinking until his appointment. He doesn’t drive, he gets the bus to work.

Im not the one telling him to do this so he’s the one who is trying to stop. I am just hoping for any advice on things that could help him while he attempts to stop. Mainly worried for his mental health. I will deffo check in with him and make sure that if he has any side effects he understands that he needs to carry on drinking

Of course he’s dependent on alcohol! Not having a drink when he’s at work doesn’t mean he’s not dependent on it. You said yourself

there’s been days in the last few months where he’s tried to limit his drinking to just weekends but hasn’t been sucessful

if he wasn’t dependent on it, he would just have stopped. He hasn’t, he couldn’t and, therefore, is dependent.

if he’s determined to go cold turkey they I would get lots of sober podcasts etc for him to listen to, tell him to get rid of all his alcohol, tell him to put a temporary block on his card so he can’t buy more and then I would tell him you’re going to stop with him / he stops with you so you can call a ambulance if needed.

when he tried to stop drinking he cannot sleep, he gets an hour or two before waking up with severe anxiety, and then has nightmares all night.

these are withdrawal symptoms.

Is he willing to take medication to help him not drink ( eg Antabuse)? If he is obese he could privately take weight loss injections - these are anecdotally described to lessen alcohol cravings,

Op, if your dad is drinking all of that everyday, and cannot stop than that is alcohol dependent. You need to get him help.

Yes he’s psychologically dependent, but he’s gone three or four days without drinking without shakes hallucinating, seizures, nausea etc a few times in the past 6months. He’s obviously an alcoholic, I’m not disputing that. I’m just saying that I’m not as worried about him going cold turkey because there’s not been any issues when he’s stopped in the past. I know the advice is to not do it on your own but he’s doing it, so I just want some advice on things he can do to help, so thank you for those suggestions.

He is getting help, he has an appointment in 6/7 weeks but he’s decided to try on his own again because he’s already waited to see GP and he doesn’t want to wait any longer. It’s his choice to do it. I guess I could tell him to wait, he is unlikely to listen to me, I’ve not been worried as I said due to the advice of the doctor for someone I was working with. But maybe that was bad advice.

I’ve told him about that, he seemed reluctant and he thinks his only issue is insomnia, he’s quit drinking in the past for 2/3 months, and he had awful insomnia. But once he’s open to alcohol services and he sees that he’s not going to just be able to power through with willpower I think he will be open to alternatives . Don’t think he’d qualify for jabs

I’ve had a strong word with him about waiting for his appointment before going cold turkey. I think he’s taken it on board.

The 'nightmares' are hallucinations. And I bet he isn't going to sleep in the first place because everytime he closes his eyes, he gets flashing images or lights. Conveniently denying these means you can be convinced he's not dependent because he's 'not withdrawing'. It can take more than 3 or 4 days for withdrawal to hit in any case - but he's drinking again by that point - probably to avoid the symptoms.

He's an alcoholic. By default, that means he lies. And that he'll lie to you.

He seems to be being pretty open with me to be honest. He’s telling me that he’s got a problem, he’s admitting that he can’t stop. That he needs help. That he’s anxious, has insomnia can’t sleep, I pushed him today about withdrawals as I told him it might be best to wait. He said he falls asleep for two hours if he’s not had a drink and then he wakes up and things about anything bad that could happen and then that causing a listless night of bad dreams and then awake.

He knows he’s addicted, I know he’s addicted, I’ve known that he’s an alcoholic longer than he has, I’m super happy that he’s identified it now, he’s taking steps to get help. He doesn’t realise how bad he is, he’s worried that they will think he’s a fraud, that he might need to overegg it to get the help he knows he needs because when he went to his GP the nurse who did his initial physical said you don’t look like an alcoholic. I’ve told him, dad, you don’t need to exaggerate. This is bad enough.

So I don’t know why you keep insisting that we don’t think he’s an alcoholic. The only thing I’ve suggested is that he seems to be able to stop drinking without any worrying symptoms, that’s not the same thing as saying he isn’t addicted. I’ve taken it on board that his anxiety and insomnia are withdrawals and to be on the safe side, as I know that his drinking is very heavy, I have suggested that he waits.

While he waits for the appointment it might be a good idea for him to gradually reduce the number of cans a night if he feels like he can. That would be a start rather than just carrying on at the level he is for another 6 weeks.

110%. I knew somebody who would say he wasn't drinking when infact he had alcohol hidden in cupboards. He would top vodka bottles up with water etc. A nother sign was my relative saying things like, "I haven't drank for a week" etc. When you're proclaiming out of the blue to family, that you haven't drank for x amount of time there is an issue there.

Your dad needs therapy op to get to the root cause of why he is drinking in the first place, not just going cold turkey. This will most likely only be replaced with a new vice.

It would be worth going with your dad op to any appointments, as he may very well lie about the amount he is drinking, and downplay any issues. I also hope that he isn't driving?

I also apologise if I sound harsh, but this issue lies very close to my heart, and this wonderful person died. I sympathise, because dealing with an addict is unbelievably tough. I hope you have some support yourself, while navigating this. 💐

These are all withdrawal symptoms. The restless sleep/anxiety is the result of cortisol.
Alcohol is a depressant, it 'switches down/off' parts of the brain. (Which is whh people say it helps them relax/sleep) However, to counteract the poison it also releases cortisol. Once the booze wears off, you're left with an excess of cortisol which is what keeps waking him, makes him stressed/anxious. It's a vicious cycle. Sleep should settle for most by days 5-7, though some take longer.

The most dangerous withdrawals happen 2-4 days after the last drink. He's drinking again before this so is never really completely sober.

I highly highly recommend the book Alcohol Explained. It's not AA (infact debunks a lot of it)
It's facts, spade is a spade style writing which i think would appeal from what you've described as your dad's personality.

Cold turkey isn't actually dangerous for that many people. DTs aren't as common as people claim. But they can be deadly. So, definitely medical advice needs to be sought 1st. Though I admit I didn't do this.

Remind him that everytime he picks up again after 3 or 4 days. He's just starting the hardest part of getting sober again. Why would he want to keep repeating the horrible bit?

I’ve suggested this, thank you

Thank you I’ll have a look for the book and suggest it

I quit cold turkey. I was probably drinking as much if not more than he was, at least 200 units a week. Certainly, do not take anything I have to say as medical advice. I personally had no physical withdrawal symptoms from going cold turkey. No shakes, no sweats, no seizures, just irritability and poor sleep.

I’m 2 years sober now. I just stopped and I filled the time I would have been drinking with something else. In my case, drinking AF drinks, listening to sobriety podcasts and hiking. Getting sober is about filling the hole in your life that you were trying to plug with booze, not just removing the alcohol. The key to long term sobriety is building a life you no longer need to escape from.

For my sleep, I went to the pharmacy and I got some nytol and just took sleeping tablets every night until I felt I didn’t need to take them anymore. They will tell you not to use them more than 3 days in a row, but honestly, taking an OTC sleeping tablet for 2-3 months is way better than killing yourself with alcohol.

Beyond that, I will be honest and say I think 95% of people need support from other sober people to stay sober long term. I don’t particularly love people and I’m not especially social. I also don’t do AA as I don’t like the structure of it all or the higher power stuff (even though it isn’t inherently religious). But connecting with other sober people in (non-AA) support groups has been really key. You just need someone else who gets it. Your family and friends just don’t. It may be a wall he needs to knock down to have the good life he’s hoping for.

No it doesn’t sound harsh. I might be completely naive here but I believe him about the amount he drinks, and the reason I believe him is because he knows it’s bad, but I don’t think he thinks it’s THAT bad. He wanted to over exaggerate to his GP to make sure he gets help. I had to reassure him he had no need to exaggerate as the amount he’s drinking is already dangerous.

Hes really worried now because he’s noticing that he can’t stop, he used to be able to go mom-fri without drinking but now he can’t.

I live on the other side of the country and I’ve offered to get involved with the appointments, but he won’t let me come.

I agree that he needs therapy, the agitation and anxiety have been part of who is long before he started drinking but he had my mum and me and so he was livings pretty normal life.

After they split up his anxiety and anger increased. He started drinking, but was always able to replace his drinking problem with some other kind of obsession like exercise. Then he’d abstain completely for months/years. But he’s steadily declined.

I spoke to him about my biggest concern for him which is alcohol related dementia and his brain turning to mush before he has a chance to retire. A few weeks later he began talking about how he needed to stop drinking. He moved 6 months ago and is unhappy in the area he’s in, and his drinking has just doubled. He thinks he just needs to move, be happier and he will be able to stop again but that’s because he’s not really accepting that even when he was drinking 4 cans per night and 8 cans on a weekend that was still a problem.

I think he has some kind of underlying mental health issue, he has tics and shouts out, but he’s never had that looked in to.

Him saying he needs help and being so proactive (registering with a gp, waiting 5 weeks for that appointment, then self referring to alcohol services) that I’m genuinely hopeful that they’re going to be able to offer him practical support to manage this so he can enjoy his life again.

Thank you that’s really helpful. He is really lonely and finding people with experience probably would be helpful. He’s a really difficult person though and has isolated himself from everyone, family and friends but again that well predates his drinking. I’m the only support he has.

His plan is to try and use exercise as a way to stop again. He’s done it before. If he fills his time between finishing work and eating dinner he is hoping that will help. I’m hoping it does too but deffo think he needs professional help now

He’s back to saying he’s doing it cold turkey, must have been drunker than I realised when I spoke to him yesterday evening so he doesn’t remember and is saying today it’s the only way for him to do it. Resent him the withdrawals to watch out for but it’s his decision

Could he try a taper OP? You gradually cut down your drink each day. So he is quitting, he's reducing the amount, but in a safer way less likely to result in unpleasant side effects. Appreciate it may be difficult to have less but some so this may not work for him.

I suggested that today, as last night he’d seemed to take onboard the risks, but he’s back to insisting that he can do it alone and just needs to crack the lack of sleep.

I’m just going to let him crack on, I suppose as a PP said, if he could go cold turkey he’d have done it already, so probably not much risk of DTS. I know he really wants to stop so I hope he can but if not at least he has his appointment on the horizon.

Does he live alone OP?