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Going dry - but depressed about the damage

23 replies

IMTOOMessy · 04/01/2025 22:03

I’ve always been quite a heavy drinker.

I’m 43 now and I have never been an alcoholic as you would traditionally think of one. (I know many will say that doesn’t matter - that I’m a functioning alcoholic etc).

Anyway I’m finally through with the physical and emotional toll alcohol has on me - so I’ve gone cold turkey and plan never to drink again.

However I’m really concerned about the damage already caused. Much higher cancer risk etc.

Does anyone have any tips for overcoming this fear?

OP posts:
November10000 · 04/01/2025 22:10

Before anything else - well done! You have just made the best decision you can for your health and future.
While you may have done some damage to your body, it started to repair itself the first day you did not drink. How many days have you managed so far?
The liver, particularly, is the most amazing organ and you can push it to a dangerous level and given a break it will regenerate itself ( don't be too blase though as you push it beyond that point it cannot recover and without a transplant you will die). If you managed to navigate withdrawal and do not have any symptoms of liver damage you should be ok.

IMTOOMessy · 04/01/2025 22:23

Thank you for that 🙏 That’s so kind.

I’m four days in and not missing it in the slightest. I am so ready. It’s lovely feeling clear headed and happy and ready to take on the day.

I suppose my biggest worry is cancer and how much I’ve exponentially increased my risk over the years. I know there is no one who can allay that fear.

OP posts:
Strokethefurrywall · 04/01/2025 22:28

Well done on your 4 days, I would definitely start reading some sober literature to help you through - the human body is an incredibly resilient machine, and what you're doing now is making it even stronger against things like cancer!

And the longer you quit for the quicker your body can heal!

Orangesandlemons77 · 04/01/2025 22:32

The longer you go without it the better your health, just keep going, you can't change the past anyway so there's no point in worrying over it. Just focus on the future

Illinoise · 04/01/2025 22:32

IMTOOMessy · 04/01/2025 22:23

Thank you for that 🙏 That’s so kind.

I’m four days in and not missing it in the slightest. I am so ready. It’s lovely feeling clear headed and happy and ready to take on the day.

I suppose my biggest worry is cancer and how much I’ve exponentially increased my risk over the years. I know there is no one who can allay that fear.

I hear you Op. I’ve heavily drank since lock down, which is 5 years now. Some weeks 30/40 units.

I went for a liver scan and it was completely healthy, my blood pressure was healthy, pulse, cholesterol, BMI etc all great.

I’m not saying this to encourage drinking as I’ve cut down as well! But to give you hope that stopping now is a great thing and you’ll be fine ❤️

The one person I know who damaged her liver was having 3 bottles of wine a day. For 10 years.

IMTOOMessy · 04/01/2025 22:35

This is what I need to hear! Thank you.

OP posts:
Winenota · 04/01/2025 22:38

well done. I’m 4 days in too - and like you, I’m nervous. But I have finally made myself read about the effects it has on our health - and scared myself silly . I’m using it to scare myself each evening! Go you x

goingdownfighting · 04/01/2025 22:43

The liver is an amazing organ, and so much of it will recover.

Also perhaps look at things you can do to nourish your body to mitigate anything - so lots of antioxidants, reducing stress, etc.

Try and change the narrative in your mind - talk to yourself as you wails talk to the person that you love and treasure the most. What would you say to them? Would you say 'but aren't you worried about getting cancer now?' Or would you be cheering them on and reassuring them?' You deserve the same kindness and compassion.

IMTOOMessy · 04/01/2025 22:48

Well done to all those doing this too!

OP posts:
Urgenthelplease · 04/01/2025 22:49

You can get your liver checked out. Highly recommend posting on a specific AF forum for support, Daybreak is great.

peachystormy · 04/01/2025 23:56

Just wanted to say well done and am doing this also. Don't like hangovers and not a particularly heavy drinker but I just feel it's time for me to quit altogether aswll. We got this !

Hoday · 05/01/2025 02:51

My family has been affected by liver disease (successful transplant), so I have a slightly different perspective than the other posts I think.

If this thread was purely about dry January / giving up alcohol, I would just be giving encouragement. But the OP has asked about managing fears re liver damage, which is a slightly different conversation.

Firstly, remind yourself that whilst liver disease does happen, early stage disease can be completely reversed. As another poster said, I'm not saying it as a reason to keep drinking, but as a bit of an anchor when worries get the better of you.

Remember that your situation is really common . From the 90s onwards, alcohol brands deliberately targeted women of our generation. Alcopops, 90s feminism / laddette culture, linked drinking to breaking gender rules. Then when that was over we had the gin o' clock trends pushed on social media, and then lockdown when lots of people spiraled. Add into that personal and individual stresses, and it's little wonder that so many women of our generation have ended up in this position.

There are so many people in this situation. Most of them don't take the action you're taking - be proud of yourself.

I would say however, that there is a little bit of misinformation in this thread, which can prevent people from taking addition steps to turn things around / safeguard their health. There are a lot of myths around liver disease, but buying into them is not a healthy way to manage anxiety.

So.. just referring back to some of the other posts -

It doesn't take 3 bottles of wine a night for ten years to end up in trouble. Yes, it's true that the liver can regenerate itself --- but only within certain parameters. Assuming no symptoms = no problems actually stops people getting help, as there usually aren't any symptoms in early - moderate stages (and it's really important to catch it at this stage, when it can be reversed).

My best advice for managing the anxiety is to ask for a liver screen to put your mind at rest. You could try thinking of liver screening as being similar to cervical screening or mammograms. An important precaution. Unpleasant, and can be scary, but safeguards health.

Most times the screening comes back absolutely fine (as a previous poster said, they had a screen and everything was fine). Which really takes the anxiety away, and helps you focus on all the positive changes you are making

If you did decide to have a check, GP can do simple liver function blood tests. Often that's all you need to do, they'll do the tests, check everything is OK, and offer advice and encouragement. That can really allay fears

Sometimes the blood tests indicate further testing as a precaution and they refer for scans. It's actually incredibly common / thing for GPs to send people for ultrasounds to rule out problems. I do think it's a bit like cervical screening / mammograms / sexual health checks - they can give concrete reassurance to allay your anxieties and put them to bed for good - and if they throw something up, it's honestly better to have the help.

I know people are going to say we should be more focused on support and encouragement to allay fears. So I'm sorry if I've overstepped.

You are making all the right lifestyle changes, and it's not easy thing to do, so you should be really proud of yourself. Its individual choice whether to ask for screening, and many people prefer not to, and to just focus on lifestyle. Whichever way you go, you're doing the right thing in making the changes that you are.

IMTOOMessy · 05/01/2025 09:06

Thank you so much for that informative post that I hope will help others too!

Very foolishly I already have a major health condition (T1 Diabetes). This is the genetic kind where I take insulin, not T2 which can be caused by being overweight.

Because of that I’m tested every year or so by blood to check (I would imagine) liver function etc. If it was seriously awry I’m hoping that’d have shown up.

My main concern is massively increased cancer risk - although I know hunting on Mumsnet for reassurance is not the answer! I’m more looking for tactics to think in a less anxious way about it.

@Hoday You are so right about the culture. I was 15 when I started drinking. Very scary.

I have two children who I breastfed so I did take at least 18months off drinking altogether and a year or so of occasional drinking due to bf. Other than that I’m afraid it’s not been good.

However good morning to all those like me waking up, feeling refreshed and proud of themselves.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 05/01/2025 17:39

Well done on stopping drinking! It’s a fantastic life change and you will be so grateful you did it, even if you have a few bumps in the road along the way.

As for your concerns, I’d see it as health anxiety and look to get some support for that - whether from your GP, hypnotherapy, etc.

On a really practical level though, 50% of us will eventually get cancer. That’s just reality. I got diagnosed with cancer when I was just about 18 months sober. Ironically, it’s not a cancer specifically linked to alcohol consumption the way, say, breast, stomach, bowel cancers are. Totally just really bad luck.

BUT giving up drinking was the best thing I could have done to help me deal with it. I was in a great place in terms of my physical and mental health, active and fit, my liver and kidneys are really healthy (important because treatment can cause issues). I would have had to stop drinking anyway so it’s great that I already did it and I got lots of praise for being a non-drinker.

LandedGentTree · 05/01/2025 17:44

Hoday · 05/01/2025 02:51

My family has been affected by liver disease (successful transplant), so I have a slightly different perspective than the other posts I think.

If this thread was purely about dry January / giving up alcohol, I would just be giving encouragement. But the OP has asked about managing fears re liver damage, which is a slightly different conversation.

Firstly, remind yourself that whilst liver disease does happen, early stage disease can be completely reversed. As another poster said, I'm not saying it as a reason to keep drinking, but as a bit of an anchor when worries get the better of you.

Remember that your situation is really common . From the 90s onwards, alcohol brands deliberately targeted women of our generation. Alcopops, 90s feminism / laddette culture, linked drinking to breaking gender rules. Then when that was over we had the gin o' clock trends pushed on social media, and then lockdown when lots of people spiraled. Add into that personal and individual stresses, and it's little wonder that so many women of our generation have ended up in this position.

There are so many people in this situation. Most of them don't take the action you're taking - be proud of yourself.

I would say however, that there is a little bit of misinformation in this thread, which can prevent people from taking addition steps to turn things around / safeguard their health. There are a lot of myths around liver disease, but buying into them is not a healthy way to manage anxiety.

So.. just referring back to some of the other posts -

It doesn't take 3 bottles of wine a night for ten years to end up in trouble. Yes, it's true that the liver can regenerate itself --- but only within certain parameters. Assuming no symptoms = no problems actually stops people getting help, as there usually aren't any symptoms in early - moderate stages (and it's really important to catch it at this stage, when it can be reversed).

My best advice for managing the anxiety is to ask for a liver screen to put your mind at rest. You could try thinking of liver screening as being similar to cervical screening or mammograms. An important precaution. Unpleasant, and can be scary, but safeguards health.

Most times the screening comes back absolutely fine (as a previous poster said, they had a screen and everything was fine). Which really takes the anxiety away, and helps you focus on all the positive changes you are making

If you did decide to have a check, GP can do simple liver function blood tests. Often that's all you need to do, they'll do the tests, check everything is OK, and offer advice and encouragement. That can really allay fears

Sometimes the blood tests indicate further testing as a precaution and they refer for scans. It's actually incredibly common / thing for GPs to send people for ultrasounds to rule out problems. I do think it's a bit like cervical screening / mammograms / sexual health checks - they can give concrete reassurance to allay your anxieties and put them to bed for good - and if they throw something up, it's honestly better to have the help.

I know people are going to say we should be more focused on support and encouragement to allay fears. So I'm sorry if I've overstepped.

You are making all the right lifestyle changes, and it's not easy thing to do, so you should be really proud of yourself. Its individual choice whether to ask for screening, and many people prefer not to, and to just focus on lifestyle. Whichever way you go, you're doing the right thing in making the changes that you are.

Where did she mention liver damage?! I'm so confused by all these posts mentioning the liver regenerating when the OP specifically said cancer risk was her biggest worry!

Cherrytreat · 05/01/2025 17:50

I felt the same as you OP and have now been 2 years alcohol free.

I don't think about the harm anymore because I genuinely feel like a new healthy person compared to before. So many health problems and ailments have cleared up by giving up alcohol.

Even the healthiest of people can get seriously ill, it's out of our control. You can only do what you can and hope for the best.

IMTOOMessy · 05/01/2025 19:24

Thank you. These are the kinds of things I needed to hear.

Control only what I can. And now I’m five days sober!

OP posts:
knightsinwhitesatin · 05/01/2025 21:22

https://www.royalfree.nhs.uk/news/short-term-abstinence-alcohol-leads-rapid-decrease-cancer-related-growth-factors

this is a positive article. Well done on your efforts, try not to worry about the past, and focus on the good you’re doing for your body now. I am in a similar position to you (tho only committing to dry Jan at present!), my biggest driver is to do what I can to make sure I’m here for my kids as they grow up. I can’t change the past but every healthy alcohol-free day is positive step.

Short-term abstinence from alcohol leads to “rapid decrease” of cancer-related growth factors | Royal Free London

https://www.royalfree.nhs.uk/news/short-term-abstinence-alcohol-leads-rapid-decrease-cancer-related-growth-factors

IMTOOMessy · 05/01/2025 22:10

Ahh thank you so much for this! I’ll read it now.

Well done to you.

To be honest I’m now sure what I’m going to do long term but my efforts to cut down in the past - although often initially successful - seem to reverse (albeit gradually) to just drinking too much.

I really struggle with controlling it and keeping it to one or two glasses on a weekend - and end up bingeing.

Dry Jan is a reset for me but after that I would like to continue - so I’d call myself teetotal curious.

OP posts:
IMTOOMessy · 05/01/2025 22:14

Have read it now - hugely encouraging! Thank you!

And luck.

OP posts:
November10000 · 07/01/2025 11:45

How are you doing OP? One day at a time as you navigate this difficult but so worthwhile road.

DogwoodTree · 07/01/2025 12:34

OP, I quit about 9 months ago and for the first month or so of that I had very similar feelings to you. I think it’s natural because all the knowledge/feelings that have motivated you to stop drinking is at its peak and is most impactful right now, so the flip side of that is the realisation that years of heavy drinking hasn’t been good for you. And now you’ve stopped, you’re thinking “omg why did I drink so heavily for so long!!!”

there was a point where I almost wanted to drink again just so I could stop regretting the years drinking (so silly and counter intuitive but our brains do love to protect themselves from difficult thoughts!!)

anyway, I just tried to focus on how good I felt not drinking and how pleased I was that I’d done X days without it and over time my regrets passed and became less “big” in my mind.

i wasn’t sure I intended to stop forever but it’s been 9 months now and I’m still really happy to not drink. I’ve had an urge once or twice in stressful weeks but I’ve been able to remind myself how much more stressful it would really be if I was drinking on top of all the stress, if that makes sense….

a tip, if it’s useful, for your first few parties/events not drinking, is just to arrive and tell yourself to have a soft drink for your first one/two drinks. Once I’d got past the first drink order, the urge/habit to think I needed alcohol had passed and I was really fine to keep on the alcohol free options. I think I used to subconsciously be quite anxious arriving at things and I’d been using a glass of booze as a crutch to ease me in. So once I’d got used to being there without booze, I was able to notice that I’d be fine for the rest of the event without it. it also amazed me how much I preferred staying sober at parties - I hadn’t realised how much mental load was taken up with thinking about alcohol and then wondering if I was too drunk/talking rubbish/etc. now I just feel totally fine and confident because I’m not worried about being drunk.

anyway, congrats so far and good luck x

IMTOOMessy · 07/01/2025 14:56

Ah hello!

What great posts!

All great here - two v. stressful days at work but thankfully being dry has made me feel so much clearer and energetic! Amazing.

I am definitely taking it a day at a time but I think it’s finally sunk in that for me alcohol is not a good thing. And I have such a high pressured job your comment about not being able to deal with feeling rotten while doing it rings very true!

OP posts:
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