Admitting I have a problem with alcohol

[Coffeeandcake32]

Just that really! Alcohol has always been a big feature in my life, if I'm being completely honest it was what I looked forward to most on a weekend.
I have a DS aged 4 and a long term partner. I've never been one to drink during the week typically but once it hits the weekend i cant just have one or two drinks, I end up drinking till I'm drunk everytime. And now I'm in my early thirties my tolerance is higher so it's quite a lot
Nights out are worse, I feel I've already made a tit out of myself a couple of times this christmas and the anxiety I get after drinking is horrific
I feel like everyone just thinks of me as a lightweight but the reality is I'm drinking way more in excess, it's like I don't have an off button and drink till I'm legless.
I don't want to be this person anymore. Has anyone been in a similar situation where they aren't an alcoholic but have had issues with alcohol and managed to turn it around? Any tips books or podcasts people would recommend?

Hello! I'm sure a lot of people will recognise this, you are not alone! And it can be changed, and you will feel so much better - well done for recognising that it's not working for you any more! 🤗

There's a lovely, supportive and welcoming Alcohol Support section on this website. I like the Mummy Was a Secret Drinker blog (now archived but a great resource as Clare Pooley goes through the stages of her own quit). MrsD is Going Without is a New Zealand version. And the newspapers start putting out inspiring stories at this time of year - in fact, we're lucky to live in this time when there are so many free and confidential resources available!

Just for today you can decide to have a Self Care Day - drink loads of water, have healthy food and a little walk - just to pay into the Health Bank. Or have a little non-alc treat instead, enjoy it consciously. Maybe stock up some non-alc drinks - there are some good beers about (FreeDamm or Erdinger are nice), though NA wine is generally dismal... Or lots of fizzy water with ice and fruit, or posh cordials... And take it from there! 🙂

You can't handle your drink OP. It doesn't matter how much you drink or how often, you can't handle it.

It helps to count the positives to going teetotal:

Better sleep
Weight loss
No hangovers
No more regrets
Saving money
Better health
Less anxiety

Can't say I'm quite there yet with turning things around for me, but the Sassy Sober Mum podcast is fabulous, so relatable. I had been listening to it on my commute to work and it was helping immensely, although unfortunately I've not managed to do so well over Christmas. Definitely going to get back into listening to it again.

I think this is why a lot of people end up stopping. I wasn't an every day drinker either but I struggled to stop when I did drink, and had horrendous anxiety. I'm 9 months sober now and feel much much better for it. Why not decide to go for 100 days sober and then take it from there? It was around that point that I really felt settled in sobriety and could notice the benefits. The Alcohol Explained book is a must read in my opinion. Good luck op!

Hi @Coffeeandcake32 What do you hope to achieve long term? Is your goal to be able to have a few drinks then switch to AF or is it to give up alcohol completely? I was a daily wine drinker and am much older than you. The amount I was drinking crept up and up over the years until I think it was genuinely over three years since I had gone a day without alcohol.

I would lie to doctors and nurses during routine health screenings about alcohol consumption and I would lie to friends and family. Alcohol had become something I looked forward to more than anything else in a day. I wasn't knocking back vodka every day, it was 'just a few glasses of wine at the end of the day' but boy does it add up if you are honest with yourself. My family and friends were surprised when I gave up booze as they had rarely seen me drunk and to this day they still don't know how much I was drinking.

There is a long running thread on the Alcohol Support topic which I have found so incredibly helpful and which has kept me booze free for the last 84 days. I believe there is another long standing thread dedicated to moderation but I found this much harder than stopping altogether. Have a look at both threads and decide on your goal.

I can honestly say I am much happier since quitting and all the much talked about benefits of better skin, sleep, relationships, less anxiety are all kicking in. Good luck 🥰

I definitely the alcohol hangover anxiety gets worse as we age. I used to be able to bounce back okay after a heavy night but these days I'm left crippled with fear and self loathing for at least 24 hours after. I can deal with a headache or feeling sick but that anxiety honestly is awful.

The unexpected joy of being sober is really good get it as an audio book and listen in the car etc.

You'll likely relapse once you try and abstain but all you can do is keep trying op

The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Winter 2024 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/5213966-the-continuing-support-thread-for-anyone-trying-to-lead-an-alcohol-free-life-winter-2024

This is me OP.
I often go Mon-Thurs/Friday but come the weekend it's like I don't have an off switch.
I'm 38 next week and I can't carry on like this.
I have now been AF again since a boozy Xmas eve and Xmas day. My anxiety has been so bad.

When I have given up the booze in the past I have taken up going to the gym on a Friday night instead of a drink.
DP has taken up drinking and most Saturdays we go for a boozy lunch.
Sunday is cooking a roast with wine.

Saturdays I'm aiming to swap Brunch for a hike.
Sunday lunches will consist of being cooked with herbal tea.

I'm with you on this OP we can do it. X

Thank you for the suggestions and support everyone!! Some really good ideas. Ideally I would love to be a moderate drinker but I've tried that before and just end up creeping into the same familiar bad habits and hit the fuck it button!
I feel like i need to stop drinking at least in the short term. Even though I wouldn't say I'm an alcoholic it feels scary to say forever. It's a strange one as I really look after myself in every other phase of life, I go to the gym, have a great diet etc yet I drink to excess every week it's such a contrast.

This was me a year ago. I've had an uneasy relationship with alcohol for years and finally had to admit that I can't moderate - I gave it up for 3 years then decided it would be nice to drink occasionally. Within a couple months I was drinking every day again. Not huge amounts but as a pp said, those end of the day glasses of wine really add up.
So another few years went by and last year I decided to start with dry January and haven't looked back. I feel so much better, without the fuzzy head I can get to the gym in the morning. I honestly no longer miss it and it's lovely to always have a clear head. Have also saved a lot of money this year!
Do it op, you won't regret it!

I tried many times with various success, I've read and listened to nearly everything listed above but I was pretty much an every day drinker and it was a habit rather than a physical addiction. I could stop for a few weeks at a time and then try to moderate for a bit but always slipped back into sinking the best part of a bottle of wine each night along with half a block of cheese and crackers. It was basically self medicating for a stressful job and homelife.

The only thing that has worked for me is taking mournjaro. It's like an off switch for the whole lot. I no longer crave that drink at the end of the day and the odd occasion I've had the odd social drink over Christmas I've been happy with just one.

I've lost two stone, I'm getting to the gym instead of wallowing in front of the TV with a glass of pinot, my head is clearer. I feel like a normal person for the first time ever.

I'm on the moderation thread but how about committing to dry Jan with us? Take a month to reasses and make a decision about what to do long-term

I think i will!! I'll join the thread. Starting with dry jan seems perfect timing. Although I'll start earlier- every other year I would be looking forward to a booze filled New Year's Eve but I am determined not to do it. Weirdly the thought of cutting alcohol completely rather than the agony of trying to moderate sounds slightly easier

Cool, see you there 👍

Dry January and beyond - www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5235993-dry-january-and-beyond

Yes me! I wasn’t an alcoholic but had issues with alcohol as in I couldn’t handle it. Could go out for dinner and have a pint or sometimes have a couple on nights out but then without warning I’d have a binge fest and make an absolute show of myself. Sometimes starting arguments, flirting with men, and just being a general knob. I have anxiety anyway and the days after were awful. I gave up drinking in the end and it’s been 2 years now.

Oh and when I first gave it up I joined a group on here and we carried on for a good long while. Long enough for the support. I also read the This Naked Mind book by Annie Grace

It is not at all unusual to feel this way. I know I find abstinence far easier than moderation.

I also quit a few days ahead of a big celebration earlier this year. I had just had enough I think and really could see the point of holding out to quit until afterwards.

Best decision I ever made.

You'll feel so relieved to have alcohol out of your life. Set a short term goal, and keep rolling it out further. It's been 18 mths for me, and I feel so much better about myself.

It’s called grey area drinking. It’s drinking that’s problematic but you aren’t drinking every day and aren’t physically addicted. It falls along that spectrum between being able to take it or leave it and addiction.

Now I do consider myself an alcoholic (though a sober one -nearly 2 years sober now), but most of the women I know in my sober groups drank a lot like you when they decided to quit. You don’t have to be drinking every day to decide you want to not have it ruling your weekends anymore.

Absolutely do Dry January. If you’re on Facebook or Instagram, there is lots of Dry January content and support. You might try the Bee Sober 30 day experiment or the Annie Grace alcohol experiment. Try listening to some podcasts like Sober Awkward, which is more geared to binge drinkers who want to have a break from alcohol.

More than anything, I think it’s just knowing that there are so many women who have been in the same place and who’ve done it. It really is so much better on the other side. It’s just taking the leap.

I don’t have any self control either I found it really easy to just stop completely for a year. I’ve had a few drinks over Christmas but tbh I think I’ll give up again.

OP, this was also me. Not an alcoholic, no “rock bottom”, but I didn’t have an off switch when it came to booze - my anxiety was jacked and I no longer felt happy in myself.

I’m now 19months sober and it is the best decision I’ve ever made. I felt ecstatic waking up every morning feeling fresh in the first few months (known as the pink cloud) and I’m still grateful for my sobriety every single day.

I was terrified about quitting alcohol - it was so wrapped up with my identity - it’s how I bonded with people, and with my family. Basically a huge red flag that I needed to let it go. And by saying no more, I removed all the stress that would come with trying to moderate. It was liberating.

Here’s what I did to make the leap:

• I wrote a list of my “whys” and what I was afraid of happening if I did quit
• I listened to Allen Carr “The Easy Way to Control Alcohol” - it is incredible - plus the narrator has a Matt Berry/ Stephen Toast vibe which adds comedy value
• the best “quit lit” book I found was “The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober” by Catherine Gray
• As PP have mentioned Annie Grace is also amazing
• I used the Reframe app - it’s not cheap but I found it to be invaluable. It gets you thinking about the psychology behind your reasons for drinking, so you can work on them. It also has a very supportive forum.
• DryDrinker.com has loads of AF drinks, including an AF Bailey’s which is so good
• lastly, the best advice I was given: always have your AF drinks order ready for when you get to the pub. It can feel daunting when you’re in a round and pals won’t be used to this new version of you. I promise you will have so much more fun.

Best of luck! You’ve got this xx