Today was quite difficult

[Touty]

I’m coming up to 1 year sober, but today was quite hard, I would have loved a drink. I think the mistake I made is not treating Xmas day just like any other day. I cooked Christmas dinner for family and I really didn’t want to because I then felt trapped in the house like a sitting duck with thoughts about booze attacking me.

what I should have done is go out for one of my long walks to destract myself.

Anyone else?

Quite hard maybe, but you got through it!

Yes very well done 👍🏼

Keep going, one day at a time. Have a plan for today - walk?

@Touty - I found it easy - but only because I’m only on day 10 following a horrible bender which really upset my family (again).

So the shame is still with me. I still remember how bloody awful I felt in the first few days after. The shakes, the retching, the night terrors (when I did manage to fall asleep for all of 10 minutes). Plus the mental fallout - the anxiety, depression and just general despondency.

You are doing great and I hope my post makes you feel better about “missing out”. KOKO and just get through the next week or so then it will be dry January and all the talk will be about not drinking!

You did amazing, well done for getting through it. Today is a new day

It is my 11th sober Christmas, and I still thought how nice it would be to have a glass of adult dds rioja!!
It never really goes, if I'm honest, but it does get easier and easier. Just remember why you stopped drinking and what the day would have been like if you hadn't. It's literally a sobering thought to keep.

It’s even more difficult tonight, had a falling out with OH, went for a walk and here I am sitting in a bench by the river feeling hurt and lost and gagging for a drink. Next to a pub but have zero money on my pocket.

OP I am not an addict, but my brother is (cocaine). My best friend of 30 years is 8(ish) months sober but just lost her brother to addiction. So I have a lot of experience of addiction on the other side. I don't want to patronise you, but a drink right now wouldn't solve your problems, it's a temporary sticking plaster. You did so well to get through yesterday (unlike my brother) so please please recognise that and keep going 💗

How are you feeling now? Are you in any kind of programme / support group that you can reach out to now you're feeling crap as this is a very dangerous time.

I can tell you for sure that a drink will NOT solve any problems and will instead make them 100 times worse.

If you don't pick up the first drink you can't get drunk. If you don't pick up, you have absolutely no way of knowing what will happen. Presumably you have a whole drinking career of evidence that says you can't drink anything safely - so you need to stay away from that first one.

Go home, brush your teeth and go to bed then you have done another day sober.

Then get up tomorrow and do the same thing again.

That's all you have to do.

Argh 'if you DO pick up you have no way of knowing' on app so can't edit

I walked home and let myself in. Expected OH to come looking for me out of concern as it’s late and dark but nope looks like he hasn’t moved from the bed. Very hurt.

Sounds incredibly hard OP and really well done for holding out. Keep going! It will be so worth it. Think about the people you love. Do not self-sabotage; distract yourself.

You've done so well, you should be proud. This is a difficult time of year, plus what's happened tonight has come at bad timing.
Keep walking, distance yourself from the pub you're sitting by, and if it's an appropriate time maybe go home and clear the air with your OH and let them know you need some support right now.
Well done on reaching a whole year sober, here's to a lifetime of being sober and in control. You're smashing it ♥️

I just don’t think we’ve much of a relationship anymore.
we’ve been living apart as he’s been working away, but I think we are just growing apart.

It sounds like today and yesterday have been hard but you've done so well getting to your year (nearly!) That's an achievement that shows great determination and you really should (as many have said) feel very proud of yourself.

The first year sober is a bit like the first year of a bereavement, full of first times which have to be navigated. Next year you will have a plan and it will be easier. I found the first holiday really hard. But we get through and can feel proud we are still sober. Remembering how a drink is the problem not the solution. Congratulations on getting past your first Christmas.

I was lucky in that I didn’t have to do a whole traditional family event and was able to go to AA meetings on the day. These were great.

Relationships often need reevaluating as one partners’s sobriety will change the whole dynamic. At your stage I just put all my energy into going to bed sober every night and enjoying waking up sober. Every thing else sorts itself out in its own time. Good luck.

I hope you feel a bit better this morning @Touty . Stopping alcohol is really hard, especially at this time of year. I hope you feel proud that you were strong enough to get through the last two days sober. You know that if you’d drunk you would feel doubly awful now.

The relationship thing is very hard. I’ve come to realise that one of the (many) reasons I drank was that I could escape from difficult feelings about my relationship. With that not an option any more, it’s thrown all the difficulties into sharp relief. Seeing more clearly can be painful, but at least whatever we choose to do is done with a clear head and by the real person, not in the muddle of alcohol

You’ve been so strong- keep going 💪🏻

Thanks all - I am feeling better today.

I realised something last night - the fear of rejection makes me want to drink, I think that comes from childhood, if I’m feeling rejected in my relationship it brings back those dark, lonely sad feelings of despair from childhood where I don’t know what to do with the pain, and it’s at that point I want a drink to take the pain away.

i have to ask myself what is so terrible about being rejected? If im rejected then so what? Is it such a big deal? I have to try and rationalise these feelings.

Glad you got through and are feeling better. When I’ve started reliving difficult childhood emotions I find it helpful to ‘visit’ my young self and comfort her, tell her she is loved and not alone. Give her a hug and reassurance.

The old timers in AA said ‘putting down the drink is the easy bit. Living sober is when the hard work starts’. It takes a while to understand that. I think the first anniversary is a landmark and we move into another phase of healing.

I can tell you are doing so well because you've already identified what the problem was, how you could change your thought processes around that, and what you could do differently next time. You have got this !! Well well done. And you didn't drink!! Amazing!

@Touty - I was sorry to read about your struggles and how complacent your OH was. I take things to heart and a fallout with my DH can seem like the end of the world at the time and in the past, it’s caused me to hit the Fuck It button. So I’m hugely impressed that you managed to fight the urge to drink.

I hope you are continuing to feel better and work through your triggering thoughts and feelings. Ironically my triggers are people drinking heavily (grew up with alcoholic parents) so I get drunk quick to cope with that. I’m now working on changing my mind set to thinking “let them get as drunk as they want and just leave when it gets too much”. My DH rarely drinks to excess (think once a year at a stag do type thing) so I feel safe with him when he’s having a beer but our social circle comprises v heavy drinkers/“functioning” alcoholics so I’m currently refusing invites with them - which they understand.

So time to put ourselves first in all relationships and as I’ve read before - stay sober and everything else will fall into place ❤️💪

@Makemineasoda I can see that you get it. I used to hit the fuck it button too when we had a falling out but I can’t do that anymore, the last time I did that I fell and passed out outside a pub on a lonely pathway, I was so incapacitated I could not move to pick myself up. I was lucky I made it off the road and on to a pathway. Luckily I didn’t have any injuries. That was the rock bottom moment which made me get angry and sober, I decided that I would not allow anyone to make me feel that pain again.

@Touty exactly!! Let others do what they wish but we have the power to decide how we respond to the actions and words of others.

I’m on a sober app and one of my daily affirmations is to be the best version of me and to not be pitied or controlled by others any more because of my drinking problem. I’m putting me first ❤️💪