Daughter in rehab

[BeSnugEagle]

44 year old daughter gone into rehab after finally admitting she has a drink problem. Lost her marriage, now living with us, her two teenage children are happy living with their dad at the moment. Fortunately, they still love her so much and just want her to get well.
We have tried everyday, stopping her having drink, causing terrible arguments, but she was always grateful the next morning. To do this we had to almost keep her prisoner or follow her. We are now 70 and this got impossible for us and we had no life. We then said ok drink, but in front of us. This didn't work as she would buy and hide drink and also drink in our company, so doubling what she was previously drinking. A big bust up lead to the rehab.
Is there anyone out there who has advice on how to treat her when she comes out. We are thinking about going to al- anon, but difficult as we don't drive anymore.
When she is sober she is the most loving person you could wish to meet.
Grateful for any advice.

I realise from all your comments that there is nothing more we can do, she can only do it herself.
She comes out of rehab two days before New Years Eve. She is temporarily living with us until she gets better and working which is fine with us if she is not drinking.
She has moved a long way from any friends and New Years Eve has always been a night out she has always done. Obviously, this won't be happening this year and I am worried this will upset her. but I know she has got to accept this
My husband now getting annoyed with me for worrying about things like this.

My family has a saying 'don't go carrying a can of petrol'. No point in worrying about NYE and your daughter, that is something your daughter has to navigate for herself.

You are there for her, to support her in her recovery. That is a golden weapon in her arsenal, if she chooses to use it.

@BeSnugEagle I really feel for you and of course you're still going to worry about her - she's your daughter. It's clear that you understand that it's all in her hands and hopefully her four weeks in rehab will be an excellent kick start for her sober future. First sober Christmas and New Year are often shared a lot in AA meetings - it's about building new traditions, rather than the ones we had in the past which invariably started out as "fun" but ended with disastrous consequences and horrible repercussions which affected us and those we care about.

I still have various mantras and one of them is "play the tape forward" - think about what would be likely to happen.

It's also just one day at a time for everyone. She doesn't need to think about the rest of her life not drinking - focus on the day and Al the good things going on.

Wishing you all the very best.

Thank you so much for all your wise and kind words..

www.turning-point.co.uk/support-we-offer/friends-and-family

All good advice here. I’m a recovering alcoholic and the desire to get well has to come from the person. Nothing you do will alter this. Go to an online AL-Anon meeting and you’ll meet people there in the same situation.
I don’t mean this to sound harsh but in a way you’re enabling her by looking after her (if it were my daughter I’ve no idea how I’d cope.) Sometimes alcoholics have to reach rock bottom to start making changes. Would she go to AA? It’s the only thing that works for a lot of people (including me) and the support is incredible.
Rehab’s a good idea - could she go privately? Very expensive though.

Sorry I can see she’s already in rehab. Hopefully they’re already taking her to AA meetings. She’ll need to continue when she comes out - I would make it a condition of her staying with you. Without AA it will be very difficult for her to maintain her sobriety.

My daughter is in rehab and it is very expensive. She has paid for it from the small amount she got from her sale of the house after the divorce. Still a lot on the mortgage so not much to share, but spent hers on rehab.
She is getting on really well, fully detoxed and really taking on board the therapist and AA sessions.
Music to my ears yesterday when she was allowed her mobile and she said I must go to an AA meeting the evening I leave rehab.
Early days, but we are hopeful.

@BeSnugEagle your update is very encouraging. It's great that your daughter wants to get to meetings - you can't beat face-to-face but there are Zoom meetings literally 24 hours a day, all over the world. So support is everywhere if you want it. She'll be encouraged to get a sponsor and work the steps - and she may be difficult to deal with as her emotions surface instead of being bottled up, pun intended. It's all progress and although I don't know her, I'm willing her to keep working the programme.

Thank you for your encouraging words and advice. It means a lot.

Hi @BeSnugEagle - thinking of you and I hope that all is on track for your daughter coming out of rehab on ... Sunday I think? Sending you good wishes for a happy Christmas and a peaceful new year.

Happy Christmas to you too.
My daughter has been out 4 days and so far doing well. She has been to a AA meeting everyday, got a weekly therapist starting on the 30th and seriously undertaking the 12 steps rather than spending it lying in front of the tv everyday with 2/3 bottles of wine.
It's early days, but can only wait and see

That's great news OP. Long may it continue. Enjoy your evening 🌲

@BeSnugEagle that's such a positive update! Great to hear and I wish you all well. No matter the length of sobriety, we're all in it together, one day at a time, and that's what matters. Please feel free to private message me at any time.

Early days but it's a one day at a time prospect and every day without a drink is a win.

Must be especially hard at this time of year when bacchanalia is positively encouraged.

Hope you and your H can access Al Anon online and that you can feel safe with each other to have a cry, have a vent, etc. A nice long hug and little kind gestures can leave you feeling so fortified.