Irony

[Ohjustalittle]

Did anybody here leave their partner or DH because of alcohol to then end up having a problem with it themselves?
I did and its been tough, it's like I found another layer of shit I didn't know life could give me.

Sorry you are going through this.

Do you have any support from family or friends? Do they know you are struggling? Can you talk to your doctor?
How long have you been dealing with this?

Would you consider counselling?

I have used alcohol as a coping mechanism (but not for husband issues): spoiler alert, it’s a crap coping mechanism.

In my case, all my other problems went away and I was just left with an alcohol problem.

I hope you’re coming out of the other side of it now - learning to sit with feelings and not seek the easy escape is really hard.

But I’m over 2 years sober now, and life is immeasurably better

Thank you for your reply. I have an amazing family who do know I've told them. But I think they are in a bit of denial as I have always been the reliable one in a crisis. I don't see them much now as the looks of disappointment I get are crucifying.
I am currently having counselling which to be honest has opened a can of worms. Ive been drinking for about 10 years with short breaks where I don't. Sometimes it's just a few glasses then if I have a bad day and I'm off work I'll go on a bender and drink a litre of vodka in 2 days.
I've been to my GP and they told me to cut down slowly. I keep trying that at different success rates.
I still work but that's about all I do or have the energy for. I'm peri menopausal, on HRT. Just feeling like the wheels have fell off and the life I planned as a single woman free from an alcoholic abusive husband is not what I thought it would be.
I've read all the quit literature, been to AA etc. I'm not doing too bad this week, today I'm clearing my freezer so I can hopefully fit a turkey in soon. I just found it ironic that I dealt with a heavy drinker for years, memories of him peeing in the wardrobe, finding him asleep in the garden, going missing for days on benders leaving me to do all the parenting. To now me drinking I don't pee in wardrobes thankfully just yet. Anyhow thanks for listening.

Thank you, you're absolutely right.
You've hit the nail on the head, I need to cope with life without blocking it out having a drink. I did it for years without a drop, and my life was definitely more stressful then lots of responsibilities. Now I'm only really responsible for myself and that's probably what I need to think about.

For you to acknowledge you have a problem and trying to get help for it is a massive step in the right direction. Well done for that and please try to be kind to yourself.

We all cope with problems in different ways and many of us turn to drink as it tends to be relaxing and helps us forget for a while. But then it's the guilt afterwards and then when we are feeling bad it starts all over again.

Counselling isn't for everyone and sometimes it's about trying to find the right therapist to help us through tough times.

I see you mention parenting, are your children older now or still need care?

Could you try and do more with them to get you out of the house? Or if they are older now, could you do you have friends you can socialise with who don't drink?

There's many threads that offer good advice such as finding another distraction or maybe finding a hobby.

You sound like you went through a lot of trauma in the past and that couldn't have been easy.

I know I'm not giving you any helpful advice here, but we are here if you need to talk x

My children are all older but still obviously need me. I did have a surge of of energy last year and joined a gym but I couldn't deal with the men. So came home and drank wine.

What about a local women's walking group? They're everywhere now, you'll find them on Facebook. Or yoga/pilates classes?

I wonder if it's worth getting some cheap vitamin D and/or B12 supplements for energy. It's surprising what a difference they can make. Drinking is going to delete your levels.

Sorry, I don't want to be one of those people throwing 'just go for a nice walk! take vitamins!' at a big problem. I don't usually comment on these threads, I'm here for the family support one. But as you've already suffered living with an alcoholic, I just really hope and want for you to find a way through this. It's obvious that you're really trying, and are doing all the right things. So I believe you're going to be able to do this. There's something about your comments that says you are going to do this, and life will be bright again. Wishing you all the best.

Yes, I did, it's awful isn't it. From reading up on it though, he was the one with an issue to start with, I joined in the excessive drinking and slowly have built up an issue myself. It happens. I beat myself up also as seeing him fall I'll I knew the dangerous and could see how I could slip into the slippery slope myself, but couldn't stop. Feel like such a hypocrite, but I left him to try and wake him up, it doesn't work, it helps me to understand why he did what he did though, he couldn't stop. I'm getting there now hopefully though with trying to fight the mess I'm now in

OP, do you need to lose weight? The reason I'm asking is because I was dependent on having a couple of drinks (aka half a bottle) every night and was desperate to stop. I started taking Mounjaro - a weight loss injection - to lose weight and really didn't expect to never think about alcohol again. I'm coming up to 6 months without a drink; previously I struggled to have a night without one. I knew that if I was meeting friends I didn't mind not drinking, but if I was at home on my own it was just a habit and a relief to have a drink. I really felt I didn't have the strength to change that. After a few days on Mounjaro I realised I hadn't even thought of alcohol. I had some in the fridge and on the counter, yet I had behaved as though it wasn't there. I've lost 3 stone in those 6 months but the biggest benefit by far has been not drinking.