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Alcohol support

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Original poster

Husband functioning alcoholic

23 replies

Gothicgirl · 04/10/2024 23:13

My husband is a functioning alcoholic and has been for years now. I came home around 10.20pm and found him fast asleep (after drinking 2 bottles of wine) while our 7 year was laying in bed next to him watching a film. I’m so annoyed that he didn’t put him to bed before going to sleep himself, and just left him on his own. There are so many other issues that I am unhappy with and I won’t go into it now, but im just wondering if I am overreacting? Im fed up of always having to take over when he doesn’t parent properly and even though he knows how I feel, nothing changes.

OP posts:
Desparelyseekingfreedom · 04/10/2024 23:22

He put your child at risk. 7 year olds should not be unsupervised. If anything, you sound like you are underreacting.

NoOffButton · 04/10/2024 23:25

I’m not sure what you want from this thread.

Your DH is an alcoholic. You have kids. Then you leave for the sake of your kids.

HoppityBun · 05/10/2024 07:37

You are not overreacting. You can’t make your husband deal with his alcoholism but you can get support for yourself from AA and other places. Be aware that your husband is normalising alcohol misuse for your DC. I feel for you from the bottom of my heart

Original poster
Gothicgirl · 05/10/2024 08:16

@NoOffButton im not really sure either. I wanted to vent a bit and maybe have someone confirm what i think I already know ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
Gothicgirl · 05/10/2024 08:18

@HoppityBun thank you so much. I have actually been looking into Al Anon for families so will definitely follow this up. His dad was also an alcoholic for most of his life and is now 5 years sober so part of me is hoping he will eventually do the same but obviously I cannot control this.

OP posts:
Blanketyre · 05/10/2024 08:20

You speak to him very clearly, accept he won't change until HE wants to, and then start looking after yourself and your ds. If that means having to prepare to leave then that's what it means.

It's shit and feels unfair, but the onus is on you now, not him.

ClaredeBear · 05/10/2024 08:35

Gothicgirl · 04/10/2024 23:13

My husband is a functioning alcoholic and has been for years now. I came home around 10.20pm and found him fast asleep (after drinking 2 bottles of wine) while our 7 year was laying in bed next to him watching a film. I’m so annoyed that he didn’t put him to bed before going to sleep himself, and just left him on his own. There are so many other issues that I am unhappy with and I won’t go into it now, but im just wondering if I am overreacting? Im fed up of always having to take over when he doesn’t parent properly and even though he knows how I feel, nothing changes.

As the mother of an alcoholic who followed her father, please leave.

Georgie743 · 05/10/2024 08:38

You can't change him. Only you can decide if this is what you want to do with your life - and if you consider this good enough for your child.

I left my 'functioning' alcoholic and life is a million times happier for me and DC.

Bearpawk · 05/10/2024 08:47

Well he's not really functioning if he's passing out drunk whilst in charge of his young child, is he.
What is this doing to the kids ffs ?
Time to put them first.

Blanketyre · 05/10/2024 08:52

By choosing alcohol, he has forced you into another role, that of single parent to your ds. Only you know if you want to enable him by staying with him or not.

DrummingMousWife · 05/10/2024 08:53

He had two bottles of wine and was in charge of a seven year old child. You think this is ok.
this is a serious issue as you have minimised the issues here to the fact he didn’t put the child to bed. Anything could have happened to that child, as he was left in the care of someone who was so drunk they passed out. You need to wake up now before social services get involved and it’s taken out of your hands.

youhavenoshameonyourface · 05/10/2024 08:56

There comes a point where a functioning alcoholic ceases to function.

Your husband has reached this point and has put your child in danger by being passed out drunk in charge of a child.

Blushingm · 05/10/2024 09:01

My mum was a functioning and then non functioning alcoholic. I always felt she didn't care and we as DC were a nuisance.

She threw my dad out - he worked in London during week and came home at weekends.

I never forgave her and she died due to alcoholism

Shiningout · 05/10/2024 09:17

He's not functioning as a parent if he's so pissed he passes out without putting them to bed is he??

SquishyGloopyBum · 05/10/2024 09:52

Google adult children of alcoholics to see what will happen to your DS if you stay.

Blanketyre · 05/10/2024 09:54

Do you want your ds to become an alcoholic? I'm sorry if that's harsh but quite often that's the case.

Blushingm · 05/10/2024 10:47

Blanketyre · 05/10/2024 09:54

Do you want your ds to become an alcoholic? I'm sorry if that's harsh but quite often that's the case.

Not always

I was one of 3 and none of us became alcoholics - we've all suffered from depression though. My sister has bipolar and my brother committed suicide

BumpyaDaisyevna · 05/10/2024 11:59

I think you need to re-conceptualise the type of alcoholic he is.

Functioning alcoholics ... function.

Your DH isn't functioning as he is not present and responsible for your son when he needs to be. Your son knows that a parent should be there telling him it's bedtime and looking out for him and he knows that daddy is too drunk to do that.

It's a really painful realisation and I'm really sorry you've got deal with this.

I really hope your DH gets the help he needs but only he can choose that.

Chateauneufdu · 05/10/2024 11:59

Id leave tbh

ThatsNotMyTeen · 06/10/2024 09:40

There is no such thing as a “functioning alcoholic”. He passed out through drink whilst responsible for a young child. On what level is that “functioning”?

I never drank heavily around my kids and never passed out but realise now there’s no such thing as being a functioning alcohol addict despite that.

ginasevern · 06/10/2024 10:15

My late DH was an alcoholic, first "functioning" and then end stage. I think some posters are giving the OP a hard time. It's not easy see the stark and unyielding reality of the car crash when you're living it. There's also such a thing as hope - hope that your husband and father of your child will suddenly come to his senses. That he will return to the man you married and you'll regain all the things you married him for. I can confirm that none of this will happen unless the alcoholic makes that choice but it takes a very long time for their co-dependents to realise this and they probably won't without help.

MovingonupScotland · 06/10/2024 10:38

ginasevern · 06/10/2024 10:15

My late DH was an alcoholic, first "functioning" and then end stage. I think some posters are giving the OP a hard time. It's not easy see the stark and unyielding reality of the car crash when you're living it. There's also such a thing as hope - hope that your husband and father of your child will suddenly come to his senses. That he will return to the man you married and you'll regain all the things you married him for. I can confirm that none of this will happen unless the alcoholic makes that choice but it takes a very long time for their co-dependents to realise this and they probably won't without help.

All of this. You cannot control his drinking and eventually you run the risk that it will control you and your dc.

Not sure if anyone has mentioned this but when you find a quiet moment have a read al-anonuk.org.uk/

Good luck OP - the emotional roller coaster is a tough one. x

NewDogOwner · 06/10/2024 10:40

He's not functioning anymore now, is he?

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