I need help

[ThistimeIneedtostop]

Hello. I’ve been around here for years. Hugely inspired by JWN. And on and off the Brave Babes. But I can’t do this anymore

Brilliant. I can’t even post properly 😢 I’ve been drinking too much for decades. But now that life has got tough (teenagers, small kids, one parental bereavement, another terminal diagnosis) it’s getting so much worse. Seemingly I can’t cope without alcohol. But I really, really can’t cope with it. Please can I join? To be accountable and to get some help and advice? I feel like I am drowning.

Morning @ThistimeIneedtostop I have been where you are so I know it is possible to stop but, it is tough and it can literally be hour by hour initially.

What I found helped me was listening to quit lit on audible as I wasn't really able to concentrate initially.
I highly recommend Craig Beck and we are the luckiest.

Try to get yourself treats in to have instead of alcohol, some use af drinks.
Do you think you would benefit from joining aa or the like? I didn't but I had family support.
I also took supplements recommended by Craig Beck. I really went overboard on self care, I went to bed early.
You will get loads of support on here as I did and it really did help me.
It is tough but possible.

I feel the same! I drink (drank? I’m only on day 37 of not drinking, so not sure if it’s too early to use the past tense!) to deal with literally everything. Stress, happiness, fear, anxiety, excitement, anger, celebration. Anything.

Maybe we can do it though. The thing I keep telling myself is that I HAVE to do it, it’s not an option, because if I don’t do it, I’m going to get really sick. I’m going to do permanent damage. Im going to get past the point where it can be fixed and I can heal. There is no option to fail. Being hard on myself like this is helping. When I first stopped drinking I felt so lonely and fed up immediately - I want to drink to have fun, make life seem more exciting and enjoyable, and what am I suppose to do without drinking? I nearly quit every day but this little voice - the mean one, telling me that I don’t have a choice, I HAVE to quit before it’s too late - has kept me going.

And finally I’ve entered a period of hope, and I feel positive, and strong, and excited for the future. It’s SUCH early days for me, and already I feel better. I’m sure there will be many more ups and downs, but I’m going to enjoy this up!

We are all in the same boat, we can try to do it together! Feel free to message me if you want to chat. I’m definitely not an expert but I’m in the same situation as you. Or hop on over to the thread (I forget the name, will link it below) and have a read/chat. It makes me feel better. Whenever I have a wobble I read it and feel stronger.

Have you admitted to anyone IRL how you feel about your relationship with alcohol. If you do, you’ll be more likely to stick at quitting. I still haven’t said it out loud to anyone and have been making excuses for not drinking. I’m not quite ready to talk about it yet. But I think that once it’s out in the open and people know, it’s much harder to go back to drinking.

Havr you thought about trying therapy? I’ve just got in touch with BetterHelp and am planning to start soon. Thought it might help me keep going, and understand how I got to this point in the first place. People seem to swear by therapy - I’ve never tried it but I feel I probably should!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5152448-the-continuing-support-thread-for-anyone-trying-to-lead-an-alcohol-free-life-autumn-2024

Look up Bee Sober.

Thankyou all ❤️ I’m incredibly grateful for you taking the time to post. I’ve had a stupid day today; literally not sat down since I typed that message this morning. I shall read everything through properly and reply tomo. It means everso much to be heard though 💔

Hi there! I was in the same situation - drinking a bottle of wine every night and often having another glass or two.

Alcoholics Anonymous was the last place I wanted to be - I thought it would be full of little old men... however, I now go to regular meetings and also do zoom meetings online.

I have been sober since I joined just over a month ago.

Hello @ThistimeIneedtostop
First of all, you are not alone.

You've had some wonderful advice already. I'd echo what has been posted upthread already and also we'd welcome you to the #browniesnotbeer thread too. There are so many like-minded women who are struggling with alcohol. Busy working mums who have been targeted by the alcohol industry and propped up with wine as a "coping mechanism". There is an awful lot of shame and pain around it. But you can do this - you are in the right place.

Things that have helped me are

• to understand that moderation is simply not an option and I have to stop altogether
• listenign to podcasts where others share their stories, also about how alcohol affects the brain. Try sassysobermum and soberpowered
• read quit lit and watch ted talks
• keep hydrated with water
• tell someone you know. Sharing helps lift the shame
• 1 in 8 people get addicted to an addictive substance. Alcohol is everywhere. It isn't your fault but it's your chance to change and move forwards.
• Journalling, therapy
• Walking
• buckets of ice cream...

Please lean into the threads on the alcohol board because we all totally get it.

Love your post @Katielovesteatime , totally resonates.

Sending hugs and strength @ThistimeIneedtostop

Thankyou so much. I am still here. And reading and taking on board. I did not drink yesterday. And I have not drunk today. I’m going to check out some of those reading suggestions. Thankyou ❤️

Hello x

community is key and embracing the sobersphere. Some great recommendations here, quit lit, podcasts. Here, Instagram

in terms of coping with life the longer you are sober the connection with using alcohol to deal with life goes x

i drank heavily for the best part of 20 years minus 2 pregnancies and could barely go 2 days without it. I’m now over 3 years sober. If I can do it so can you

Thankyou all so much ❤️ Day 3 today. And I haven’t drunk. I need a strategy for tomo / Friday though. I’m alone on Friday night, so only myself to be accountable to…

Hi @ThistimeIneedtostop

I have loved the dry jan threads on here and felt like they have really helped in the past but somehow fall off the wagon once dry jan is over every year.

I'm in a similar position to you. I am now 2 weeks today AF and it feels different this time round. My teen DD told me a few home truths about what she thinks about me and how she has no respect for me because of my drinking.

I had known for a long time I was sick of it and needed to stop. I looked like shit, felt sick the whole time, woke up hating myself every day, was spending way too much money and wasn't 100% focused at work.

The comment from my daughter was a turning point and I knew I had to stop.

I joined a private facebook group called 'life's better without alcohol'

They are the loveliest most supportive group of people and all have their stories to tell. You can see their faces, videos, there are meet ups (there hasn't been one where I live yet but there is one planned) .. it's so good and it feels like a real sense of community. It's really helping me this time round. You can do this!

Gosh thankyou, I could have written this. Right down to the teenager comment. Huge congratulations. Two weeks is brilliant. I'm day 5 today. And I will not drink. Agree I feel different this time. No option really. If I want to save my relationships and not end up dead in an armchair by myself, surrounded by empty bottles. Craig Beck is worth checking out, I think. And I'll check out that group. Let's keep going!

Hi @ThistimeIneedtostop and @beasmithwentworth
You're both doing so well.
Hearing feedback like that can be brutal.

I think the switch is when you know you just can't do it anymore and that you have really given moderation a million chances and yet still, you can't drink like a normal person. You have the proof. You have the emotional and sometimes physical scars.

So we take that pain and that hurt and that anger and we use it to educate ourselves about alcohol, we use it to change the way we feel about alcohol, so that one day, we have no genuine desire for alcohol. The further we get away from it, the easier it is, and one day alcohol will be as small and insignificant as a tune sandwich (*or whatever food choice you never crave, don't even like, would never eat just because everyone else is eating it!)

It does start to get a bit easier. Some days the emotions are very hard to surf but truthfully, they are PROGRESS. Sitting around in shame and hangxiety is just same old, same old, hamster wheel. Feeling pain when you're sober; anger; grief; you are truly feeling it and moving through it. And trust me when I say the feelings of happiness are far more magnified. And you start to become yourself again.

All the very best for the weekend x

Thankyou ❤️❤️❤️ You too xx

@ThistimeIneedtostop How are you today? I hope things are going well for you.

I'm on Day #10 and already am noticing lots of positives. I'm sleeping well for the first time in many, many years (think 20+), I feel very good about life in general and my blood pressure, which was abnormally high, has gone to something very respectable for someone of my age (closer to 60 than 50 😊). The only physical change I've made to my life is to stop drinking alcohol.