Partners drinking

[Frenchie01]

Hi just wondered if anyone else struggles with partners drinking. Been together 7 years no children together, we both have adult kids from previous relationships. He's always been a drinker but it's starting to get me down now, drinks every day after work comes home passes out on sofa no food, shower etc, gets up next day goes out in same work clothes repeat. I work from home finish at 8pm and am just watching TV alone. I llike a drink too but only on a weekend. When I soeak to him about it he either says it's what men who work on building g sites do, or he stops it for a few days and starts again

It's very lonely being in a relationship with someone who's primary relationship is with alcohol.

Have you considered that he's content with his life as it is? He goes out to work, he comes home, and he drinks until he's unconscious. He's doing what he wants to do. Sure, you and I can look at him and think that his life would be so much better if he stopped drinking but... he doesn't have to agree.

So let's assume for a moment that he's doing what he wants to do and so has no intention to ever stop. How would you feel if you had another ten years with him like this? Or another twenty? Just watching him piss his life away while you're sat on the sofa next to him? It's good enough for him. He's doing what he wants. The question is, is this good enough for you?

I know that's exactly my thought, he is also 18 yrs older than me, he's 60 I'm 42. He says he's drinking because he's insecure I will leave him but I don't know how he thinks this is helping

He sounds like an alcoholic and with alcoholics you always come second. You've tried talking to him and nothing's changed and it's likely to get worse as alcoholism always escalates.

You're way too young to be living this half life with someone who doesn't care.

I too have been on the receiving end of this you always think they will change or they promise they will .... unfortunately for me alcohol won in the relationship and I left beat thing I ever did

I know I really do love him but is love enough? To me drinking is a weekemd social thing, I think for a 60 Yr old man to get up on a Monday say he's going to work and then head for wetherspoons at 8am is ridiculous. He took the day off today because felt ill apparently, went to pub knowing full well I was working all day but finishing a bit earlier at 6pm, why couldn't he suggest we go out for food or anything instead of going getting pissed all day again and going to sleep. I feel like he puts zero effort in the relationship but then protests he's scared I will leave him, it baffles me

Just leave him.

There's more to a good, fulfilling relationship than just that you love them. There's got to be trust, respect and caring as well.

It's laughable that he claims that he's scared of you leaving while he's walking out the door at 8am to go to the pub. Talk is cheap. It's actions that count. And all his actions scream "I want to go and get drunk by myself."

I think he needs to admit he has a problem but he's under the impression that because he has a job( that he usually goes to) then he can t be an alcoholic, my opinion is that if u need a drink every day be it 2 drinks or 10 that's a problem. And I'm so sick of hearing that all men who work on building sites get drunk after work and I'm in the wrong for moaning. As much as it will hurt me I know I need to get out of this if he won't change, I'm not getti g any younger can't afford to waste any more of my life

Please leave.
He's setting you up to blame you for his drinking. He'll blame you if you stay and blame you if you go. You can't win in alcoholic's manipulation games.

Honestly, I think he'd prefer you to leave. Then he could get fully loose with the drink whilst absolving himself of all responsibility.
He'll then seek you out on the tail end of the latest bender or when he's lucid between the binges. Until the next bender. And the next. And you'll be the one to blame at the start of every one of them. And you'll be the saviour at the end of each.

Don't choose this for yourself.

I have asked him today to find somewhere else to live after our holiday (we go on Sunday for a week) He promised me yesterday that was it no more drinktill we go away, but got rained off at work this morning and straight to pub and home to sleep on the sofa. House is a bomb and I refuse to do anything, end of my tether now completely.