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Alcohol support

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Original poster

How do I support someone in AA?

17 replies

spikeandbuffy24 · 24/08/2024 23:01

A friend has got in touch with me. We were friends for a long time (going on a decade) but I haven't seen him since 2019 as basically he was being a knob Grin and we drifted

He's a nice guy, and we have always got on well. It turns out there was massive alcohol issues which resulted in him losing his job and becoming homeless. He's now living with family, sober for 2 years and in AA attending regular meetings

I just wanted to know if there's anything specific I can do to support apart from being a friend. Am meeting him tomorrow at my house for a coffee

OP posts:
DetoxedAlcoholic · 24/08/2024 23:06

Just tell him you're there for him.

If he's AA then he might be coming over to do a step, 4 possibly but I can't remember them. It's one Where you apologise to people you've hurt whilst drunk. Might be just that he wants to renew a friendship though!

HappyAsAGrig · 24/08/2024 23:10

Nothing, really - just be his mate.

He has AA to support him in addiction recovery and his family as he gets his life back in its feet. Having a mate to go for a natter with, or see a film - someone to socialise with away from alcohol - is good.

Original poster
spikeandbuffy24 · 24/08/2024 23:10

DetoxedAlcoholic · 24/08/2024 23:06

Just tell him you're there for him.

If he's AA then he might be coming over to do a step, 4 possibly but I can't remember them. It's one Where you apologise to people you've hurt whilst drunk. Might be just that he wants to renew a friendship though!

Yeah he has mentioned that and seemed surprised I knew about steps
Just that he also missed me as a friend and wanted a catch up

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DetoxedAlcoholic · 24/08/2024 23:14

Listen to what he has to say, say what you want to say (if there is anything) and then just carry on. 👍

He may have realised what an arse he made of life whilst in the throes of drinking and want to renew friendships with people he trusts.

Original poster
spikeandbuffy24 · 24/08/2024 23:35

Yeah he's been quite open about it
I don't drink so I guess it feels safe for him too as no alcohol at home (I did used to but just don't bother with it now)

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mindutopia · 25/08/2024 09:33

Just be a friend and don’t tempt him with alcohol or talk about getting drunk or invite him over to yours while you’re drunk. That’s basically it. And treat him normally.

I’m a year and a half sober and I wouldn’t say I need any support from friends. What sober people do appreciate is friends who want to do things out that go to the pub and get wasted. I’m in my 40s and it’s still largely what people do to socialise and it’s a bit dull. Someone who wants to go hiking or kayaking or to play board games over coffee would be great.

And mostly just don’t treat him like a ticking alcoholic bomb about to go off. I don’t ever think about drinking anymore. I don’t mind being in the pub around other people drinking (though I’m good after about 1.5 hours and ready to go home). It’s nice to be invited out and be included. He may have different boundaries now, or have an earlier bedtime, or just find certain things boring, but he can let you know that.

Original poster
spikeandbuffy24 · 25/08/2024 10:35

mindutopia · 25/08/2024 09:33

Just be a friend and don’t tempt him with alcohol or talk about getting drunk or invite him over to yours while you’re drunk. That’s basically it. And treat him normally.

I’m a year and a half sober and I wouldn’t say I need any support from friends. What sober people do appreciate is friends who want to do things out that go to the pub and get wasted. I’m in my 40s and it’s still largely what people do to socialise and it’s a bit dull. Someone who wants to go hiking or kayaking or to play board games over coffee would be great.

And mostly just don’t treat him like a ticking alcoholic bomb about to go off. I don’t ever think about drinking anymore. I don’t mind being in the pub around other people drinking (though I’m good after about 1.5 hours and ready to go home). It’s nice to be invited out and be included. He may have different boundaries now, or have an earlier bedtime, or just find certain things boring, but he can let you know that.

I don't drink Smile so no issue there
Planning to watch a film and just have a catch up, I have hot drinks and fizzy/squash in

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Original poster
spikeandbuffy24 · 25/08/2024 21:14

Came back to update we had a lovely time and planning a cinema trip, he spoke to me a bit about AA and just had a catch up really

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HappyAsAGrig · 26/08/2024 22:12

spikeandbuffy24 · 25/08/2024 21:14

Came back to update we had a lovely time and planning a cinema trip, he spoke to me a bit about AA and just had a catch up really

That sounds good, OP. I’m glad you could reconnect with your friend.

Original poster
spikeandbuffy24 · 27/08/2024 01:20

It was really nice. He's doing 3 meetings a week and spoke about making amends but mostly that he wanted to be back in touch as a friend
I cooked for him too
He did mention craving sweet stuff a lot so I'll get some sweets and ice pops in for next time!

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Original poster
spikeandbuffy24 · 23/11/2024 22:20

Came back to update we are meeting regularly and I went to an open(?) AA meeting he was speaking at as he asked if I would go

He's doing really well Smile and I'm so proud of him

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LightSpeeds · 23/11/2024 23:09

DetoxedAlcoholic · 24/08/2024 23:06

Just tell him you're there for him.

If he's AA then he might be coming over to do a step, 4 possibly but I can't remember them. It's one Where you apologise to people you've hurt whilst drunk. Might be just that he wants to renew a friendship though!

Actually, I wouldn't advise telling him 'you're there for him' because you don't actually know that you are - given that you've been out of touch for a few years!

AMAthistimeroud · 23/11/2024 23:10

spikeandbuffy24 · 24/08/2024 23:35

Yeah he's been quite open about it
I don't drink so I guess it feels safe for him too as no alcohol at home (I did used to but just don't bother with it now)

Nothing at all. Recovering addict here 👋 just be normal. Enjoy seeing your friend 😆

AMAthistimeroud · 23/11/2024 23:12

DetoxedAlcoholic · 24/08/2024 23:06

Just tell him you're there for him.

If he's AA then he might be coming over to do a step, 4 possibly but I can't remember them. It's one Where you apologise to people you've hurt whilst drunk. Might be just that he wants to renew a friendship though!

Not to be pedantic but that’s a step 9 😆

Original poster
spikeandbuffy24 · 23/11/2024 23:21

@LightSpeeds I definitely am there for him, old post I just updated Smile
It's like we never lost touch to be honest, I forgot how well we get on

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LightSpeeds · 23/11/2024 23:27

spikeandbuffy24 · 23/11/2024 23:21

@LightSpeeds I definitely am there for him, old post I just updated Smile
It's like we never lost touch to be honest, I forgot how well we get on

Brill. Sorry, I responded after reading your first post (didn't see the updates). X

Original poster
spikeandbuffy24 · 13/04/2025 12:51

Came back to update that things have moved on to more than friends
We are taking it very very slowly, he’s attending AA 3 times a week still and I often go to an open meeting with him

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