How to drink in moderation

[Maybesayno]

I love to unwind with a glass of wine. But it is never just a glass. Before I know it, the bottle is gone.
I have children who test my patience daily so it is nice to just relax once they’re all in bed.
My 13 year old has just said ‘he hates it when I’m drunk’ and that has hit me hard. My tolerance to the kids when I’ve had a drink is reduced, I admit.
I don’t necessarily want to stop drinking altogether, but I’d love to be able to just have a glass then leave the bottle.
I do this 2-3 times a week.
any advice would be great. Thanks

How does your 13 year old see you drunk when they're in bed?

You obviously can't moderate your drinking or you'd be doing it. Just stop drinking if it's a problem.

If you can’t put the cap back on the bottle and leave it for another night, it’s time to acknowledge you have a drinking problem. Moderate drinkers can have a glass or two and put the bottle away - that’s how they make one bottle last a weekend and stay in healthier limits. If you can’t do that, and your kids have also commented, those are two big red flags that you have a problem with alcohol. In all honesty you need to completely stop drinking. Maybe look at AA’s online resources to see if they resonate with you.

Unfortunately, once you get to the point of needing to try to moderate because sheer will power to only drink a glass isn’t working, usually the horse has bolted.

Alcohol is designed to make us want to have more and more of it. It doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong or need to try something new. It’s just how it’s meant to work.

One thing you could try doing is buying only those mini bottles of wine. Have only one in the house and when it’s gone, it’s gone. If you’d still just take yourself to the shop to buy a big bottle, then moderation just isn’t going to work for you.

Honestly though, I found moderation a bit shit. Who wants to only have a glass of wine? I found it was so much easier just to stop altogether. I don’t miss it anymore. But my kids really notice and it’s made a real difference to them.

I stopped drinking completely as, even though I didn't drink often, when I did it made me a shit parent the next day. Moderation doesn't work for me- once I start I don't want to stop.

I now drink non alcoholic beer. It's been over a year and I don't miss it. Social events are fine (and easier as I can drive) and I have never once regretted it.

It’s much easier to abstain than to moderate. Humans have limited willpower and moderating tests that too much. It means you always have a busy mind arguing with itself (shall I/ shan’t I?). If you just decide to stop then you don’t have that dissonance. I realise that you feel you need the alcohol to unwind, but if you read the quit lit then you soon realise that there are other ways. Try reading This Naked Mind and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober.

Sorry, but as previous posters have said, with the booze it is probably all or nothing by the time you can polish off a bottle a night.

I've struggled for many years with the booze and have finally accepted that I'm done. Sober is sooooo much better and there is a lof of support for sober curious people now, it's not just a one way ticket to AA.

How does that make you feel, what people have said, OP?

Could you just buy the small bottles that give you one glass? X

Switch to a drink you like less than wine. I cut down to diet by having a couple of vodka and slimline tonics as I do t feel the urge tj drink more of that

My advice would be to only buy the miniatures and make the glass last longer. Sip and savour the wine over an hour or so. Since menopause my anxiety after drinking is through the roof. This is one of the main reasons that I want to stop drinking as moderation doesn’t work for me!
Good luck x

Sounds like a chicken and egg problem potentially. Maybe the after effects from the alcohol is making things less tolerable in the first place. If the alcohol is taking that away then perhaps it's the alcohol that causes the problem in the first place. It's like Nicotine. Nicotine can only get rid of the withdrawal symptoms that Nicotine created in the first place. I mean a bottle of wine is no small amount of alcohol and if it's in the evening it'll certainly cause sleep issues.

Listen to the 90 Days Later podcast by Anna Charles. This is her jam. She doesn't judge and say you must go sober if you have any kind of relationship with alcohol but gives you tools to learn the control. I'm proof it works. Now drink occasionally but without it being a big deal. I think she has a free guide too but can't remember what it is. Her website is 90dayslater.co definitely recommend.

Moderation is more difficult than abstaining, it’s like a slow torture.

Moderation is clearly very difficult as you say you like a glass—but end up drinking a bottle. You are regularly drinking more than you intend to. This is not your failure, it is just the nature of the substance to make you want more. Personally I recommend freeing yourself and your family from the foul, addictive poison.
If you do decide alcohol is no longer serving you, I highly recommend reading Kick the Drink Easily by Jason Vale. It worked for me.