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Alcohol support

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I think I want to give up

9 replies

Moriartea · 02/08/2024 12:32

NC for this. Sorry if it's long.

I am the daughter of a heavily drinking mother and a father who will join in occasionally

We've recently been on holiday all together and we all drank 2 beers a night and then 1 or two whiskies before bed. My Dad loves his whisky - proper malts, he doesn't drink to excess, has a whole cabinet of whiskies at home that he occasionally samples from. I don't think he has a problem, but I know my Mum probably does.

Anyway, I am going away again with them and I don't think I want to drink.

For context, I've always liked a drink, having a couple of beers on a Friday/Saturday/Sunday evening. I drank daily during covid as I was using it as a way to ease my anxiety. I am good at finding 'reasons' to have a couple, but I never drink more than a couple per night - I don't get drunk.

Anyway, after reading things on here and having health anxiety Anyway, specifically focused on a worry about getting cancer and leaving my children, I think I am done with alcohol.

Whenever I have mentioned my worries about drinking to my Mum, she always says "oh it'll be fine, you don't drink that much". She drinks daily, either wine, pimms or sometimes beer. Again, only a couple, but she doesn't have days off. I do have days off, eg I haven't drunk since we returned from holiday a week ago.

Sorry I'm rambling now 🤣 I suppose what I am trying to say is that I am worried about the long term effects alcohol will have on me. Even at my 'normal' of about 15 units per week. So I think I want to stop, to be as healthy as I can be.

I often look forward to the weekend when I can have a drink and that's not healthy is it?

Any advice of someone in a similar situation or who has been or even HOW to stop and not miss a drink, especially with a family who like a drink, would be helpful. Thank you if you've read this far.

OP posts:
Moriartea · 02/08/2024 18:01

Anyone?

I thought I would start my own thread because I had a look at the one giving support for people who are trying to go AF and it started in 2020 and everyone seems to know each other and I don't think I could keep up with all the posts or know what's going on 🤣

OP posts:
LizzeyBenett · 02/08/2024 18:12

I really admire that you don't want to drink and think it is to be commended . I come from a family of alcoholics - mother , father , aunts , uncles and as a result I've never been a big drinker I've just seen way too much over the years . I will say every female
On my Mothers side were heavy heavy drinkers they have all had cancer every single one of them the only one who survived it was my mother but she has abused her body so much I worry it will
Come back she has also aged dramatically as a result of the drinking . If I could say one thing by the sounds da of your post you have children ? Please keep them away from the excess drinking of family members it's so damaging x

Lovetotravel123 · 02/08/2024 18:31

Well done for wanting to do this. I stopped in 2019 and haven’t looked back. Read:
This Naked Mind
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober
The Sober Diaries

Follow Andy Ramage on Instagram and listen to any podcasts you can find the feature him. The one that encouraged me to stop was the episode on Feel Better Live More.

You might also like the One for the Road podcast.

Good luck!

Frenchsplit · 02/08/2024 18:36

I think you are worrying too much because of your health anxiety.

Tattyhabits · 02/08/2024 18:41

@Moriartea I've found the alcohol free (less than 0.5%) beers to be really good, my favourites are Adnam's Ghost Ship and Peroni. In fact the other day I had an ordinary Peroni, followed by a zero Peroni and I honestly couldn't tell the difference and unless you told your mum she'd be none the wiser because it just looks like any other beer/lager in the glass. My only criticism of the Peroni is that it's in small bottles. The Ghost Ship bottle holds a whole pint!

Moriartea · 02/08/2024 18:50

Thank you for all the responses so far 😊

@LizzeyBenett I'm so sorry to hear about your family members, I do hope your Mum stays healthy. Yes I do have children, they never see anyone drunk as neither me nor my parents get drunk, but they do see people have a drink regularly which is something that may lead to them doing the same which I don't want for them

@Lovetotravel123 I will check those out, thank you so much

@Frenchsplit could you expand a bit on what you mean?

@Tattyhabits thank you for the recommendations, I like real ale so I will check out the Ghost Ship 😊

OP posts:
TimesaChangeling · 02/08/2024 22:11

Please don’t be afraid of jumping on to one of the longer running threads, new people are always absolutely welcome, inject new life and there will be loads of good tips and, more importantly, a regular place to check in and get support which can be really important when the urge is grabbing you!

It’s a really great decision to go AF. Things that really help me are thinking of alcohol as poison, playing it forward - really noticing how much of a negative impact it has on sleep, mood, happiness, patience and motivation, finding new things to do - no good twiddling your thumbs at the critical moment that your brain is shouting “beer” at you!

Life is not all roses, today I am massively grumpy. But I’m not grumpy and drunk…

REP22 · 04/08/2024 21:41

Hello @Moriartea - found you on our running thread, so popping over to catch up with you here. It sounds like you are catching yourself in time. I would be inclined to ignore posters such as Frenchsplit. Wanting to stop engaging with what is, essentially, a poison is not health anxiety - it's being sensible. And if you are cottoning on to the fact that you are keenly - anxiously, for want of a better word, looking forward to the opening of a bottle, then you are right to consider other options.

It's easy to become "desensitised" to drinking, even problem drinking, in our society and especially if your family and others around it encourage excess consumption.

It's a very brave thing, to stand up and think "I might have a problem here", even more so to do something about it. You're asking the right questions, and before you get to the state of needing a real scare to shock you into action. There is a MN thread called The Reality of the End, which is very grim reading but certainly prompted me into serious thinking. Whisky was my tipple of choice, back in the day. I went sadly down the road of serious illness, requiring withdrawal help and addiction counselling. It was not a happy place.

Many things were helpful, these two books especially: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray. The One for the Road podcasts by Sober Dave (though I'm not a podcast person really). Lots of other support books and podcasts, Youtube videos, etc., are out there. Different things help different people.

I tried AA, but although they were friendly and welcoming, it wasn't for me. I did find SMART recovery sessions very helpful. I know it's a bit of a cliche, but I also found taking things one day at a time. Telling myself "I will never drink again, ever." wasn't helpful. Telling myself "I won't have a drink, just for tonight. I'll have some tomorrow if I want, but not tonight" was easier, and gradually easier to repeat. I try to focus on how it will be to not feel like sh-t in the morning after a night of drinking, another cliche - sorry - but the sober morning feeling does not get tired. I also downloaded and use the I Am Sober app (it's free) - you can track your alcohol free days and it works out how much money you're saving alone the way, as well as other benefits.

I'm sorry to say, but I doubt that you will get much support from your parents on this. People who like a drink enjoy the company of others drinking with them. People who don't drink by choice can seem odd to them. Perhaps they are secretly questioning their own intake and feel uncomfortable around those who abstain. Or they feel that they are somehow being judged by non-drinkers. Often far from the truth of course, I never mind if others drink around me and wouldn't pass comment on their choices, but there it is. Plenty of tales abound - Catherine Gray relates how people had a real go at her for "ruining" a 2-year-old's birthday party by not necking down the wine with the other adults present. And, for some reason, non-drinkers can present a bit of a fun "challenge" to regular drinkers. "No thank you" or "Not for me tonight, cheers" will often elicit repeated entreaties of "go on, just the one", "oh, go on, you've earned it", "you're making ME feel bad!" "One glass..." from 'well-meaning' companions. Would they say the same about cocaine? "Oh go on, just one sniff..." "just half a line, just to be sociable..." or heroin? "I'll get you a syringe, you can only have half if you want..." I'm guessing they wouldn't. But alcohol is a toxic, depressant drug too - it's just more 'acceptable'. Although the effects of too much too often can be just as bleak. For this reason, I would not expect your parents to agree with you or encourage. They might even mock you a bit. But that's OK. You're a smart person, making a smart choice; it's alright for others to disagree. They can make their choices and you can make yours.

In the end, I gave up, with the help of SMART recovery and the books mentioned, because I wanted to, very desperately. I was drinking more and more heavily, choosing drink over most other things and the effects were becoming more profound and more obvious. I wanted a better life than the one mine was becoming. I hated feeling like sh-t all the time, the guilty feelings and unpicking the nonsense I'd said/done/posted on FB whilst drunk, the miserable existence I was condemning myself to. But most of all, I did it for the dog. They deserved better than the hell of living with me and my mediocre companionship.

Happy to answer any questions that you might have. But fantastically well done on taking the first step and posting on here - that takes real courage.

It might not be easy - it probably will be hard, I'm afraid, at least to begin with. But I can absolutely guarantee you that it WILL be worth it.

Every good wish to you. xx

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sober-Diaries-stopped-drinking-started/dp/1473661870?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-alcohol-support-5133163-i-think-i-want-to-give-up

Moriartea · 05/08/2024 08:38

@REP22 thank you so much for taking the time to find my post and reply!

I will check out those books and podcasts thank you. I have downloaded the I am Sober app, I think it'll be quite interesting seeing how much money I save and how many calories I don't ingest 😊

Well done on getting sober, it sounds like you have had an incredibly hard journey with little to no support, you should be so proud of yourself

Thank you so much for your encouraging words and reality regarding my parents, I think you are right. Whenever I've told them before I'm not drinking on a particular evening when we've been together and they've been drinking, all those phrases have come out and it makes it really hard to say no. I think that is going to be a challenge on holiday!!

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