Hello,
writing here in the hope there may be advice that I haven't thought of so far to help my nan.
She is in her 70's and over around 2 hours away from us to live close to my parents and sister. I have 3 children at school local to us and have to work so not able to go up and visit her for the amount which she currently needs which would be most of the day, daily.
My dad doesn't get on with my nan and my mum and sister do not drive - currently my parents are out of the country for a few months and her health has gone downhill, I am going to see her as often as possible and my sister is too but is also not managing daily at the moment.
My nan is a heavy drinker and starts drinking around midday each day - by around 6pm she get's upset most days and is crying. She was in hospital around 6 weeks ago with Gallstones/infection and was meant to go back to have them removed but is ignoring the doctor and refusing to return.
4 weeks ago she got taken into hospital as she burned herself in the middle of the night trying to cook. She has been home around 2 weeks now and is not eating and is being sick a lot, she is loosing a lot of weight and also has stomach ulcers for which she is not taking her medications properly.
Her house gets very messy and dirty very quickly and when I visit I tidy and clean and have set up a cleaner to visit once a week but it still manages to get very bad.
I think she is loosing her memory but it's difficult to tell if she has had too much to drink or having other difficulties thinking - you can still have a conversation with her.
I think she needs a carer or someone to go in daily and help her - she is not able to look after herself, cook herself food, take the correct medicine, she is always ordering lots of things on the internet by accident (with the money she would be using the pay for her rent). She is in a building of flats for over 50's and they have a level of support available (such as emergency cords and bingo / sunday lunch) but do not provide individual care / go to check up in the flats.
She cannot come to live with me as I do not have a bathroom downstairs, she cannot get up the stairs and we don't have room. We also both work full time and i'm not near the town. She can get around on her mobility scooter in the mornings to go to the supermarket, so while we have tried to remove the alcohol from her flat she can get more herself.
She is refusing any additional help or to go back to hospital for the treatment she needs and I think it may be because she know's the doctors have said she needs to stop drinking. She won't even agree to the cleaner coming more than once a week. She shouted at 2 previous cleaners and they would no longer clean her flat.
I feel awful with her living the way she is and I know she is not well and needs medical care but I don't know how to get her the help she needs. I think she may be getting to a point she is not able to make her own decisions (even when not been drinking) but when speaking to the local nurse ect she needs to agree to any kind of help. There are times when I can get her to agree but not consistently and she will change her mind and say different things to the nurses ect. When I am speaking with her she forgets the start of the conversation halfway through and we repeat the same thing many times, she calls me repeatedly to tell me the same thing.
Has anyone been through similar or have any advice on how this can be sorted? She would not agree to power of attorney ect