New lodger's excessive drinking

[Annteeta]

An old friend of mine is renting his house and staying with me for a few weeks until his visa comes through which will allow him to join his wife and kids abroad. We were student friends and he's always "liked a pint" but I feel I've moved on from the big drinking days of studenthood. He bought 2 bottles of wine yesterday and opened one with his evening meal. I thought it strange that he didn't offer me a glass until he was halfway through the bottle. I declined and he said he didn't think I'd want one. He carried on drinking and to my surprise, started on the second bottle. This morning I couldn't see either bottle but found the first on the floor by the table leg. I'm now worried he's an alcoholic and even find myself speculating that his wife's thrown him out and his visa story isn't true. Am I right to be worried and should I say something?

I feel it’s a leap to decide he’s an alkie based on one night.

Very cheeky of him to not offer you a drink - I would think he panicked in case he wouldn't have enough for himself if you joined him, which would mean he's drinking an awful lot.

It catches up with you. There's an awful amount of people in the same boat, drinking bottles of wine, not thinking about how much they're drinking. I doubt there's much more to it and doubt he thinks he has a problem.

Anyone that drinks like that has to have built up a habit. It can't be a one-off?

I would be worried and I would say something. The sooner the better.

Check his room and the recycling. Is he driving to work this morning?

To buy 2 bottles and not offer means he intended to drink them both.
He is a heavy drinker for sure and I wouldn't want someone like that in my home from a safety point of view, like leaving the gas on, hearing them stumble and crash into things, doors left unlocked or even open. It would be a very unrestful night.
Alcoholics can be binge drinkers, it's not only the homeless morning drinkers that are problem drinkers.

Waiting for a visa could be weeks or months or could be refused. It was mad to offer an open ended accomodation to someone you have no recent knowledge of. I would find an excuse why he can't stay because telling him to stop or reduce alcohol will only make him defensive and drink in secret.

Nothing in recycling. He works from home and resists efforts to get him in.

I'm worried about safety. I heard a loud crash when he came up that woke me. Thanks for the advice.

If the second bottle isn't in the bin or kitchen/lounge it's probably in his room (to finish off?) Why else would it not be in the bin? ExBIL used to hide vodka in random places round the house to drink when DSis was out.

I know reading OPs on here makes me more than slightly paranoid but how well do you really know him nowadays? It's interesting he's so very resistant to go back into the office (to hide his hangovers maybe?) Is he really wfh or just online? Are you certain sure there's no detail in his back story that he's not told you.

This could be a one off, but if it happens again then you know you have to have a conversation about boundaries/ expectations.

I don’t think one night of heavy drinking makes someone an alcoholic.

I’m an alcoholic and judging by that assumption everyone in my whole village would be an alcoholic based on the state of them after the school fundraiser on Saturday. It certainly sounds he is a binge drinker, who is probably letting his hair down a bit now that he is temporarily childfree.

Unless it becomes an ongoing issue and causes friction in your living situation, in my (vast!) personal experience with heavy drinking, I don’t think you have much to worry about.

See how it goes and watch if a pattern emerges that upsets/annoys you. At least he drank in full view so is not hiding it (unless he has a stash elsewhere in an innocent looking receptacle!).

However, the fact that he didn't offer to pour you a glass would drive me mad, even if I didn't want it at all. So bloody rude. That's what would annoy me more TBH - intensely.

I agree with @mindutopia. If he’s doing this every night, there could be cause for concern but if it’s one night of heavy drinking I don’t think you have too much to worry about.

I guess it’s the bigger picture - are his circumstances as he says they are? If he didn’t have to work today, it could be that he considered it a kind of weekend and let his hair down a bit.

Rude of him not to offer to share though!

Is he a lodger or a friend staying with you? There is a huge difference, I think. If he's lodging (ie paying rent and seeing his room as his home) then there's no reason why he should share his wine with his landlord, but if he's a houseguest then I'd say it is rude not to, particularly if you cooked and provided dinner.

If you object to his drinking and don't want it happening in your house, then you need to raise it sooner rather than later if you are going to be sharing time together. If he is renting a room for the duration, and just sharing communal space, then it's different, but even then you could ask him not to drink in front of you.

Doesn’t appear he emptied the second bottle . I actually drink very rarely now. But I can drink a bottle of wine with a meal and a bit more . You’d be hard pressed to call me an alkie or a heavy drinker.

there always seems to be a bit of hysteria on here about drinking. I don’t really understand why. If he was drinking daily like that sure, but that doesn’t appear to be the case, sometimes people just fancy a few glasses of wine.