How to drink sensibly at parties?

[whydididothatagain]

My drinking is normally limited to a bottle of beer at home a few nights a week and a few drinks at the pub maybe once a month. Well within the recommended max 14 units. The trouble I have is events - weddings, big birthdays, etc - I always without fail overdo it and spend the next week with crippling anxiety/shame about how much I was stumbling around, talking rubbish, dancing idiotically etc. Each time I promise myself I'll drink singles/halves and alternate with water - and each time my resolve crumbles after drink 3. Is there some kind of magic formula to being able to enjoy drinks but still stay in control? People around me seem to be able to do it but I'm too embarrassed to ask people in real life what their secret is and risk drawing attention to how awful I've been. Do I have to just not drink at big events? Since I've had kids I only have occasions like this a couple of times a year and really look forward to them, maybe that's partly why I overdo it ☹️

Just don’t drink.

ask for whatever soft drink you like in a fancy glass.

pick the non alcoholic options. They’re not terrible now.

Honestly it’s the only way to do this for a lot of people.

Other options include alternating your drinks. For every alcoholic drink you have 1-2 soft drinks.

leaving events early. You don’t have to stay until the end! I’m a fan of leaving parties in time for the last bus 🤣

It’s not something I could ever do. After one drink my resolve would be forgotten and that was it. I could either not drink at all or get carried away and drink far too much, there was no in between.

Start off with only soft drinks then intersperse but it looks like you're drinking
Example - tonic, then a gin & tonic, then top up with tonic so still a bit of gin flavour

Is it particular drinks you have problems with limiting? (Wine for me)

Put a reminder on your phone that pings at you every hour "Whydid - you need to sloooowww down!"

Ask a trusted friend to only get you low alcohol drinks on their round

Planning is key. Yes tactics like interspersing with water help but the most important thing is to be aware of what you're thinking.

I would make a list of all the objections that you'll face (either from other people or what you're thinking) then determine a strategy for each one.

Then when those obstacles appear you already feel prepared at how to act.

Don't expect to do this perfectly. You could start by deciding on one small thing that you'll do differently. And always evaluate after every event.

I love the 90 Days Later podcast by Anna Charles. She did a episode on celebrations - I think it's number 51 - that I've found to be very helpful.

Have kids. Nothing feeds your desire to avoid a hangover quite like the knowlege you will have to face a dirty nappy at 5am the next day

OP has said that she has DC.

If you can’t be confident in stopping after a few, it’s probably better not to drink alcohol at all at these events. Or to decide in advance on a number of drinks to have & see if you can stick to it.

I have history of binge drinking issues and still find this a challenge a few times a year. I often drive and don’t drink any alcohol, and still have plenty of fun if the company is good. I dislike people binge drinking around DC so will choose to drive when that will be going on.

Occasionally I still binge drink on nights out and almost always regret it.

I find the easiest way to limit the drinking is to talk to people, a lot. Be really outgoing and start conversations, get involved in others conversations. Warmly introduce yourself to strangers. All the adrenaline of chatting, meeting new people, catching up with old friends. It makes it easier to forget to have a top up. You end up drinking less as you're so occupied.

I agree @BobbyBiscuits
the main reason I drink too much at parties is nerves and being shy

@Thighdentitycrisis yeah, the old, oh god I know no one. I'll just sit in the corner, near the bar. Drinking. That will give me confidence right? Next thing you're too pissed to want to speak to anyone!
Be bold and brave from the very start. You've nothing to lose by chatting warmly to everyone.

I find it easier not to drink. It's nicer when you remember all the conversations and you fall into bed exhausted and have a properly good sleep.

I like drinking at home but don't like drinking socially at all these days. I think of all the times I ruined my weekend with a next day hangover.

I also promise myself a proper gin and tonic the next time I'm able to have one. I love a doubleTanqueray 10 with light fever tree.

No gin and tonic served in a bar is as good as the one I make for myself at home.

I find it helps if I wait to have my first alcoholic drink until everyone else has had one or two, I just wait an hour with a Diet Coke or similar, helps me keep some perspective that I don't want to hammered etc

I have a timer on my phone. I pace myself and drink for one hour and then have an hour off and just drink water. Then back on it again for an hour, then off again. For big nights there's usually singing and dancing by the end so I end up forgetting to get back on it as I'm too busy singing or dancing. 💃

The trick is to just drink normally during the in hours. Don't smash through the drinks to pre-load before the hour off.

I don't really have this problem but I do think that it can often be because that first drink, you're a bit nervous (and at weddings and events you're often also been standing around for ages so you're hungry/thirsty too) and you glug it back so quickly that you go from stone cold sober to a bit sozzled very quickly, and then things go pear shaped from there.

I usually get a soft drink or water first or alongisde that first drink. Or, if it's champagne after a wedding I'll try to move to a soft drink/water after the first one. Just gives me something to gulp, something in my stomach etc and I can then settle into my more normal drinking which is less sudden, giving me a chance to realise if I'm feeling a bit tipsy and need to dial it back.

Alternate the alcoholic drinks with non alcoholic ones, or even better a pint of water

Why on earth would you want to do.
When its been a good party you won’t be able to remember a single thing about it the next morning.
😉😁😁

I feel for you: I’m like this too. For me it’s better to not drink at all. Often I will drive to force myself to not drink.
Sometimes I give in and then can’t remember most of the conversations and have a terrible, wasted next day. And I am 57 now- I should know better!

The magic formula is no drinks at all

It's the first drink that does the damage

Thanks for all the advice. It's genuinely sad to think how many otherwise wonderful memories of lovely times are tainted by that guilt and embarrassment of going too far. It wasn't such a bad thing (in a way) in my 20s as everyone was equally bad- now I've hit my 30s there seems to a real divide between those who those who can handle their booze and those who can't. To be fair, years and years of too little sleep thanks to DC probably doesn't help my tolerance on the few occasions a year I get the chance to let my hair down. I'm torn between trying to give it one more try at the next event (I like the idea of phone reminders to slow down or an hour on/an hour off alcoholic drinks) and between thinking I'm just kidding myself and need to accept that I cannot drink at all on those occasions.

You’re not alone! Only you can know.

sleep deprivation makes it harder to be moderate & means booze hits harder.

I really disliked having hangovers with small DC, the guilt really fed the hangxiety.