Any tips on giving up drinking if your partner drinks daily?

[Lilacdew]

Would love some advice on resisting alcohol when DH drinks daily (not a lot - never noticeably drunk but never misses a day except for Dry Jan or if he is very ill.)

I rarely drink a lot but I do drink every day. Most days one glass of wine. Sometimes two. But I recently started long term medication which strongly recommends avoiding alcohol. And I haven't given it up. I'm quite weak willed, and if my DH is pouring a glass of wine when I knock off work I join him. We both work from home, so it feels like that glass marks the end of the working day.

Please does anyone have tips for how to break this habit and not get tempted if he is drinking wine? No point in asking him to join me. He won't.

Have you tried any non alcoholic wines?

Can you go out of the house at that time?

I think replacement is probably your best option to start with - I would recommend non alcoholic beer or a martini vibrante and mixer. Make sure you you have a nice glass, plenty of ice and a slice of orange or pink grapefruit for the latter

I agree that you should do something different at that time and actually not be in the house. it's obviously important that you don't drink so either go for a shower when he opens the bottle or go out for a walk and stay out for an hour. That way you will get healthier and you can avoid alcohol. When you come back you'll be in a great frame of mind and won't need a drink.

Drink something else special to end the day. I have an AF beer pretty much every day around 6pm without fail.

And busy yourself at the usual drinking hour. Go take a class. Go for a walk/run. Go to the cinema. Listen to a podcast. Basically just fill that time with something other than drinking.

When you start to make the shift to a new way of being, you may also find other people around you shift in that direction too. I quit drinking. A year later, my MIL is now sober. And dh, who used to drink regularly when I did, went from binge drinking 4 nights a week, to maybe having a few drinks one night a week and switching to AF drinks the rest of the time. There's hardly ever alcohol in our house now. For now, focus on you. But you just may be the light for other people too.

Just stop. I don't understand why you would risk drinking alcohol with medication that says you shouldn't

Hi @Lilacdew

Sorry to hear about your health condition.

If you're "only" drinking a typical size glass, maximum two, per evening, then it's likely you've got into a sort of ritual habit. Your brain now associates your glass of wine with 'work over, relaxation time to begin'. It could as easily be a Mars Bar, a Big Mac, a hot chocolate, a bath, or a walk, but over time, you have trained your brain that the signal for 'work over' is wine, so it now craves it.

You need to retrain it. The most successful way to break a habit is by being motivated. Believe it or not, your sleep and your body are still affected by the amount you're drinking. Stopping for a significant period of time will make you feel much better. Having a think about why you're dependent on it will help.

Your DH might not want to stop with you - that's his choice. Your role is not to facilitate his drinking. If anything, if your medication strongly advises you to avoid alcohol, some might say that a caring partner would be supporting you to stop, which might include not drinking around you.

There are some good suggestions by posters on this thread. As they say, alcohol free wine and beer is now very good. Going for a walk, removing yourself from the situation, is also a good option.

Swapping out for a good few weeks whilst you see how you feel is a good start, along with some podcasts and reading to help you learn more.

Good luck - there are loads of threads on here for support if you fancy chatting.

No, though I like AF lager. That's a good suggestion

I could and should. I have good intentions to go for a walk every evening at that hour but then am so tired from work and want someone to chat to after a day alone at my desk, that I chat in the kitchen with DH and he opens a bottle...

I find more than anything I'm craving sugar, not necessarily alcohol. When I want to avoid alcohol I just stock up on fizzy drinks which really helps. Moretti do a half decent AF lager too.

That sounds gorgeous. Never heard of Martini vibrante so will look that up. Sadly also can't have citrus fruit on this medication, but get the idea. I could add mint or cucumber maybe?

I agree. I plan to do exactly that. I just need to find that push of willpower at the end of the day to do it instead of just thinking about doing it.

This is very good to hear. I'd like DH to drink less too. He has high blood pressure. But he insists we don't drink much, and we don't. We don't get drunk. A typical night is 125 ml of wine for me, or sometimes a second small glass if it's the weekend. For him it's 2 small glasses and occasionally a late night whisky. But he's very resistant to giving up or cutting down and he doesn't support me trying to drink less. I told him this morning i wanted to stop drinking. Tonight he asked if I wanted a glass of wine. I said I shouldn't. He replied, 'One won't hurt. It's the weekend.'

But if I switch to AF beer or nice soft drinks, he might too.

Well, I don't understand it either! But alcohol is habit forming and bad habits are hard to break. That's why I came to this alcohol support thread to ask for advice. Which everyone else has been kind enough to offer.

Thank you. This is a lovely, helpful post. DH is a good man but he has never ever given anything up in support of me. He buys chocolate and crisps when I'm trying to lose weight. He buys wine in vast quantities - it's always in the house.

But you are right, it's definitely become the 'treat after work' trigger, which I could replace with something healthier, starting with AF drinks.

I get a sweet tooth during Dry Jan. But I don't really like sweet-tasting drinks, except for diet coke. Sparkling water with a splash of cordial might be nice though.

@Lilacdew

You'll be in good company on this board - most of us have managed to train our brains that only wine is the answer, we seem to have been surprisingly good at it!

Of course it's not but it can be a hard habit to break, especially when all the surrounding triggers are still in place.

Happy news for you is that you are aware of it, and you have a good reason to stop, at least for a while to see how you feel.

It might also be a good opportunity to show your husband you have inner strength and can do things he can't 😗😉😉😉

I like Tonic and lime, that goes down quite nicely 😊

You need to get out of the mindset that you are 'resisting' it and think of it as a harmful poison which technically it is. Jason Vale's book on quitting drinking really helped a family member.

Also yes if you aren't having alcohol something sweet helps. Either a sweet drink or some tea and dark chocolate works for me.

This is what I need to do.

Anything that takes willpower feels easier when I plan in advance. So if I put a bottle of AF beer in the fridge now, right in my eyeline, I will choose it tonight.

It's good to be in the company of people who have overcome the habit. I know with me it is mental rather than physical dependence.

Thank you for the recommendation. I've never heard of him but will look that up. Years ago I read Alan Carr's book on giving up smoking and went from 20 a day to quitting before I was half way through. A good book can be very persuasive.

Hey @Lilacdew - I’m on day 41 (am amazed). One thing I’ve really enjoyed is trying out 0% alternatives. I’ve discovered Botivo - which is a really lovely thing to drink with ice and a slice - but it would be just a lovely with the ice only. I’ve also had a little dish of olives on the side. It’s been a nice little ritual to end the working day.
Good luck with it all. If it helps - I’ve not found it too tricky. I’ve been out with friends who are drinking and have just cracked on with a 0% beer or similar. I was expecting it to be far harder than it’s been so far.