Alcoholic husband seems like a stranger

[Autumnleavesfalling23]

Finally separated after last straw recently. 4 year history of ‘trying to stop’, drink driving, losing license, usual lying, deception, stealing/sneaking alcohol from family and friends. 2 older teen children.
It is so hard.
I’m sad about situation although I drove the separation after finally realising he isn’t stopping and it is impacting our family life too much.
He seems emotionless about it. Doesn’t seem to care how the kids or I am. I’m still worrying about him and he seems able to just cut away. Gets frustrated when I’m not impressed he’s ’making progress’ by allegedly not drinking for a week. ( was nicking friends spirits 2 weeks ago).
20 years come to this …

He’s an addict and you’re ever hopeful that he’ll change, but he won’t. Move forward into your new life, take your mind off it.

Of course you're sad about the situation, it is absolutely tragic! Don't expect not to be sad for quite some time ... but you have definitely made the right decision.

Meanwhile, I think you should confine your conversations or messaging to a "need to know" basis (eg. the practicalities of the separation, your children). You don't need to get sucked into conversations about how much he is or isn't drinking - that's his issue and his alone. You are having nothing to do with it - which is why you separated, remember?

Unfortuntaely, @DustyLee123 is right.

You are grieving for what you had and for what you wanted your DH to be, but he isn't going to change. Allow yourself to grieve and seek help if you can, but you then need to look forward, not back.

I hate this narrative around once someone is an addict that they'll 'never change'. It flies in the face of all the success and reclaimed lives of people who are sober and in recovery. Lots of people who have addictions absolutely do completely change their lives (I know lots of them, myself included).

But whether your dh will or won't, no one can tell you, and ultimately it's not your responsibility. The pattern it sounds like he's stuck in is very common. It's a shit place to be. And when you're in it, you feel like you'll never make it out. You can't see a way out, even when you want to get out. But that doesn't mean you need to stand around and let your life take a beating while he figures it out. You and your dc are the priority and you have to put yourselves first. What support do you have for you? Have you considered al-anon? You might also look into what support there is with Nacoa for your dc if they would engage?

Thank you all. I do believe people can change but he unfortunately isn’t even accessing all the services/support he could.
You’re right, I have detached further today, will restrict texts to necessary only.
He just seems so fine and impassive about it all.
Will look forward!