Crazy partying? Need to stop before I self Sabotage

[Marieg97]

i don’t know where I am going with this post but I would really like some advice.
I am young, 27. Been drinking while partying since 16.
the last 4 years as I’m getting older I have changed a lot when it comes to how I behave when I’m drunk.
I party about once a month, where I’ll drink with no limits. Getting home at 4am and those last 4 hours of the night I barely remember
I become a loud annoying drunk where I don’t shut up and I’ll literally talk to anyone I see! About anything & everything. I could tell someone all my personal business, I could talk about someone else’s personal business. I will say things I shouldn’t say. I basically become someone who I am not. I literally have 0 filter when I am drunk. I hate it
when I am sober I’m a lovely calm women, I know what I do, I know what I say. I’m actually quiet! Soon as the alcohol hits then that’s it.
I have been with my partner 8 years and we
absolutely love the bones off
eachother. We don’t know life without eachother. But he is tired of my crazy drinking when I do, I feel like
the way I act when I’m drunk also disrespects him and I wouldn’t ever want anyone to think bad of us. As we are honestly the perfect couple!
yes I would say I want to stop drinking, but what fun is there without drink these days?! Everyone around us drinks, every event there is alcohol involved.
the days after my night out, I will have crippling aniexty of all the things I said and done that night. The night will replay in my head and i will want to cry for days. But the next month comes and I do it again!
I really feel like I need to stop before everyone actually thinks I’m annoying and does not want to be around me!

Could you try going to one event and not drink, just say you are on antibiotics.
See how that feels, I know seeing others plastered puts alcohol in a different perspective for me.
Do you drink only once a month or is it creeping up to a few times a week?

Only once a month roughly, at planned events or planned nights with a mate. During the week I would never drink for no reason. It is just soon as I’m out in the environment once I start I cannot stop. Which results in me totally embarrassing myself.

Go to therapy and try to find out why you persist in drinking until you have blackouts.

Yes, lots of people your age drink at social events but you drink more than them, and as you say, you cannot stop once you've started.

Why are you afraid not to drink?

Do you actually feel anxious in n social situations so you drink to make it easier?
If you've never practiced being sober and going to social situations then you'll never find out.

If you want things to change - you have to change something. You have to do something different on purpose.

The people around you will know what an annoying (possibly abusive and a liability) of a drunk you are. They will no doubt support your no drinking ways. If they don't - they get new friends and hobbies!

You are not responsible enough and do not conduct yourself well enough to be drinking like that. So simply don't drink.

And if you think I that 1 weekend a month is a struggle to give up because it's so fun (nothing sounds fun about being with drunk you..) then you have a more serious alcohol problem than you realise.

Your drinking is seriously problematic - you get anxiety, you're a liability (and annoying) to the general public and you're at risk of losing your long term relationship.

Get specialist help.

So you know you need to change. Only you can decide what that change will look like. You are obviously not happy with how alcohol makes feel or behave and don't seem to be able to moderate it once you start.
Don't want to alarm you but things can esculate quite quickly if left. I think it's really wise you are questioning your relationship with alcohol now before it takes a turn for the worse.

But he is tired of my crazy drinking when I do, I feel like
the way I act when I’m drunk also disrespects him and I wouldn’t ever want anyone to think bad of us. As we are honestly the perfect couple!

You are not the perfect couple. And no doubt anyone who knows how you behave when you are drunk probably thinks badly of you.
You need to stop drinking.

Hi. Thank you for taking the time to comment. Mostly the reason that I am
afraid to not drink is because everyone around me IS. My family, my partner family and both our friends group everyone drinks. Any event will involve ‘let’s have couple drinks’ ‘let’s go to this bar’ ‘let’s go to this party’. Which i wonder how I survive in these events without having drinks to keep me going. Of course after having a few drinks conversations, and dancing etc is all much easier. So I think that is the reason why I drink drink. i can have three/ four drinks and I am fine and controlling myself. But there is no in between ‘tipsy’ and ‘smashed up drunk/blackout’. So one more drink after the tipsy stage, I am out of control and cannot stop. It is very sad really and I know I need to stop drinking, it is just getting to that point I need to focus on how to get there now.

I totally understand. I used to drink like that when I was younger. I thought I was the life and soul of the party, but actually I was the incoherent sad girl being pitied by others at the end of the night. Looking like shit, and lucky if I got home still with my keys to get in.

Getting the texts 'great night last night you were enjoying yourself anyway 😉!' and not remembering how I got home or even going to that nightclub after...

I used to drink because it made me feel 'normal'. It made me feel like my better, more confident, more acceptable twin. The Me I wasn't ashamed of.

I was using drink to manage anxious feelings and to fit in. To try to get rid of the feeling of separateness from others.

A brave move would be towards yourself in terms of saying 'I'm having a few zeros first as my hangovers are brutal'. Then bring the zero beers with you to gatherings.

Somebody has to take a stand for the part of you that wants something different. You can't wait for others around you to change first.

Seek support. Go to a AA meeting or join one online. Read a book about someone else's journey.
Start considering that you can have a good life, enjoy yourself AND be accepted by others without drink.

Drink will never fix your inner feelings so look at other ways to do that, like counselling and alcohol support. Get to know your inner self more. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Thanks again for the message
is there online meetings I can join? I have no idea. I did buy a book about someone else’s story and currently reading it!

it is such a shame that I cannot control my limits because I’m certainly not addicted to alcohol. I will never drink if I don’t ‘need’ to. If I have work the next day for sure I will not drink, cannot bear to even leave my house if I’m hungover! It’s just roughly once a month when something is going on.

I suppose when I’m not drinking and I see other people drunk and enjoying themself I feel like I’m missing out on the fun. But then the next day when I can’t remember things, or I remember all the stupid things I said and done then it is no longer fun.

Start by getting curious about your fear to stop drinking because everyone around you IS. How is this thought keeping you stuck? How could it be AMAZING if you were always able decide what you would drink irrespective of what others were doing? Because, for the most part, this is going to be what you're doing in other areas of your life... you have a cup of tea when the others don't, they eat pudding but you don't when you're full. You just have different thoughts about alcohol and that's OK. What could you start by thinking instead?

Hi OP,

Welcome to the Alcohol boards - you're in good company!

You say you're not addicted to alcohol. Labels aren't generally that helpful to me, but you from your description, you are a problem drinker.

Blackouts aren't typical for 'typical' drinkers so you're very wise to consider your options.

You are also not alone in that most people in your life are drinkers. Many, many of us have that situation.

It's time to look at your life and what you want from it, what you want to be known for. There could be a whole new wonderful you on the other side of the bottle.

Read This naked mind by Annie Grace
Will open your mind up to the true nature of drinking and alcohol