Bottle of wine a night - need to stop

[flowers2024]

Hello, I’m drinking a bottle of wine a night, sometimes more, and really need to stop. I feel hungover much of the time with all that entails - tiredness, irritability, nausea, no energy, anxiety through the roof. The alcohol means I’m not looking after myself either - my sleep is disrupted (hence typing this at 4am), I eat junk food to counter the hangover, my skin is dry and sometimes I even fall into bed without brushing my teeth 😔 I’m spending a fortune that I can’t afford and whilst I enjoy my job and am getting by at work, my performance would no doubt be far better if I was 100% alert and clear-headed at all times. Most importantly, I’m a mum and want to be a better, more energetic parent.

I’ve been reading other posts on this forum and one thing others seem to emphasise is the importance of addressing why we drink. For me it’s self esteem - I have struggled with social and general anxiety since primary school, have never liked myself very much and have little confidence. I have had therapy to tackle this and have just restarted sertraline too, which has helped my anxiety in the past. But turning to alcohol has always been a quick and easy way to block out negative thoughts and escape, at least for a few hours.

Anyway, I didn’t drink yesterday (first time in ages) and am hoping to not drink today, or the next day, or the day after that. I can’t commit to any more at this stage, because whenever I’ve set myself a bigger target like a whole month off, it feels so daunting that I inevitably give in and am back on the wine.

Thanks for reading and here’s to day 2.

Well done op how are you today

I was going to start a thread on here but figured I'd read a few first and yours caught my eye.

One thing I'm going to say is, if you're over 1 bottle a night, think about going to see your GP. MN is very fond of the going "cold turkey" method. But I finally decided to address my drinking properly and went to my GP. I drink 1.5 bottles (around 13%) per night on average. The GP stressed I shouldn't go cold turkey and he referred me to a drug/alcohol service. I went today and the key worker I saw also stressed I shouldn't just stop. Both were adamant that it's dangerous and I trust them a lot more than people on the internet. You might be fine but if you're hitting 100+ units a week (dependant what strength wine you drink) then you're taking a risk by just stopping.

I'm not saying this to encourage you to drink. Simply that you need to add up your units and think about getting some proper support that doesn't put you at risk.

I think it is important that you prepare yourself properly when you plan to stop. As you have highlighted there can be withdrawals and some life threatening. I did reduce before stopping. I did still have some minor withdrawals but fine now. Agree a GP can be a good place if your not sure how to start as it has to be safe if your consumption is high

Here's what I've found. There is a huge difference between it being hard vs a struggle. It's hard because you're doing something new and your brain is rebelling (because our brains hate change). In fact it feeling hard shows that the process is WORKING ...

It's only a struggle when we add judgement to the picture - things like 'it shouldn't be this hard, why do I have to go through this, this should be easier...'

So what I say over and over is drop the shame, be prepared for it to feel hard sometimes and carry on taking action.

Hello @flowers2024 - how are you getting on?

Thanks for the concern, but for me personally, I honestly don’t feel that it’s physically dangerous for me to stop drinking cold turkey. I’ve done it numerous times and have never felt remotely that my life is in danger. What I have felt (every single time) is much, much better!

Anyway, I’m sadly not feeling that way now as have relapsed again and have been drinking every night since Thursday last week, bar one night off on Monday. I’m determined to have Sunday off and the next four days after that. I’ll keep checking in.

My husband is also a big drinker which doesn’t help.

The worst thing about all this is that my kids are now at the age where they’re aware that mum drinks wine. What sort of influence is that giving them?! I truly hate myself.

When my husband saw what drink was doing to me he stopped, immediately, hasn't drunk a drop since. He said he suddenly realised what a drug it was and how twisted it was. Not saying your husband should stop, but it certainly helped me.

My children noticed when I started to get bad. I'm not saying this to upset you, but I'm three years sober and they can still mention it when angry or when making a joke. Three years and they still remember...

Do the best you can. If you fall off the wagon don't beat yourself up, acknowledge it and move on. Every time, say yes I did that, but now I choose not to drink. Hour by hour, day by day.

Drink makes you think you need it to be happy, as a treat, to look forward to... I promise you, you don't. Live your best life, live and love a sober life.

I just don’t feel I can cope with “life” without it, even though I KNOW I’m calmer and probably happier when I’ve been sober for a few days. So why do I do it?

Because alcohol rewires your dopamine. It's really as simple as that. Alcohol changes the pathways in the brain so that dopamine is released with alcohol and suppressed otherwise. You are literally dependent on it. However, you can change the pathways back again, little by little, over time. Keep chipping away at it and it get easier and easier, until one day it clicks and you realise that you do not need it or want it anymore because it is pointless.

After another crap weekend of feeling depressed, exhausted and despising myself for drinking, I’m aiming for four days off from tomorrow. The bank holiday Monday will be hard, but I’m planning to stay at home and not go out, which should make it easier.

Found this thread after searching. I've drank every night now for almost 3 weeks. It began to increase around October/November. I've drank more nights than I haven't. It's boredom, loneliness and stress.
A bottle of 9% wine a night but sometimes more on a weekend.
I'm here with you OP. Day 1 today. I have prepped a nice tea for later, going to shower, comfortable pyjamas and a hot chocolate with a film.
Aiming to keep off it until Saturday. I'm not the kind who can stop completely. That's daunting. I'm making it a weekly treat. Then a fortnightly, monthly...
I'm feeling very tired already. Expect there will be sleep problems along the way.

Hi @CoffeeLover90 , nice to ‘meet’ you! How did you get on yesterday? I managed not to drink and am hoping to do the same today.

Aiming to keep off it until Saturday. I'm not the kind who can stop completely. That's daunting. I'm making it a weekly treat. Then a fortnightly, monthly...

I really like your approach here - I feel exactly the same. For me it’s all about baby steps and one day at a time.

I’ve also just joined this thread on a previous poster’s recommendation - come and join us if you like: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?page=12&reply=135584569

Morning @flowers2024, @CoffeeLover90

Happy Tuesday to you both (Tuesday already - bank hols in England always throws me off!).

No booze for me over the weekend. Think I'm on Day 32 now.. it's a good sign that I'm not really counting days anymore.

@CoffeeLover90 my wine was also driven a lot from boredom. I got into the habit it marking 'work finished, jobs done, zonk time with phone and telly'.

It also led to crisps, bread and random snacks.

I'm much more vibrant now and even a bit slimmer.

Keep posting - I'm also on the thread @flowers2024 linked to - lots of support on there x

I’d really recommend some quit lit, OP. It really helps with the ‘why do I keep doing this, even though I know I’ll end up feeling like shit’. William Porter’s ‘Alcohol Explained’ is a great place to start as it explains the why do we drink from a neurological point of view, but in a very accessible way. I’d say that more than anything is the book that made me stop.
Clare Pooley’s ‘The Sober Diaries’ also good to read from the point of view of someone who felt very much the same as you, and her journey through it

I had trouble getting to sleep, despite feeling tired in the afternoon, but I didn't wake through the night.
I actually felt a bit shakey around 7pm, it kind of felt like hunger, but I'd eaten regularly. I wonder if it's because that's the time I'd usually pour a glass. Its just made me more determined to moderate.

I also have terrible habits when drinking - takeaways. So up to 4 a week. Its a waste of money and I'm piling weight on. I also chain smoke. Normally I go out to the garden and close the door. Instead I've been standing in the doorway. I can smell the smoke in the morning. It's probably on my sons coats.
He's been late for school a few times. I've not set everything up the night before or I've been sluggish in the mornings.
My performance at work could be better.
My face is Bloated.

I have to stick to this.

This was me though mine was a bit lesser in volume each day but same compulsion and disappointment cycle every day :(. I started on Ozempic to loose weight and it’s turned me off wine altogether. I still have a drink or two out at dinner but that’s it I can go for a week easily without even thinking about it. This is such a massive change for me I can’t describe. I don’t even care about the weight anymore I’m so pleased I’ve broken the habit. Worth talking to your dr as there are other options available to help you quit and I hope you can - it’s such a relief not waking up and wondering how much, what is done, said etc.

Those are all great reasons, @CoffeeLover90

I agree with @PosiePerkinPootleFlump's recommendations of Claire Pooley's book, The Sober Diairies. It's written as a story of a drinking mum who takes stock, but it's her true story.

Lots to identify with.

I also have terrible habits when drinking - takeaways. So up to 4 a week. Its a waste of money and I'm piling weight on.

I hear you on the takeaways - I’m up to 3 or 4 a week too. I tend to order junk food when I’m hungover in an attempt to feel better. Or when I’ve been drinking and feel I can’t be bothered to cook. It costs a fortune and I’ve put on half a stone. So by not drinking, not only will I save money on wine, but on food too.

After a long but enjoyable day I would be ready to unwind with a bottle but I'm determined to make this day 2.
I have some lindt hot chocolate, a blanket and I'm going to find a film to watch.

It's not made easy by the likes of uber eats making it possible to buy the wine without leaving the house.

Back to work tomorrow. That's when the real test begins

Excellent post, @CoffeeLover90

Those things sound lovely. Early nights. downing a pint of water or brushing your teeth are also good if you get the wobbles 💕

I'm feeling the wobbles. I'll try the water 😊 need to be more determined than wobbly.

Get that water down ya!

I glug a pint of tepid water as soon as I get home from work. I find it does the trick.

Do two pints and you'll have no chance of drinking anything else!

I've ended up bringing DS to bed with me. This only happens when he's poorly as he never asks otherwise. But tonight I've felt a need to have him with me. Got a glass of water. Now see if I can stay awake longer than him. I'm exhausted.

Well done @CoffeeLover90 and hope your DS is okay. I avoided the booze and am tucked up in bed.