Kicking myself… early sobriety

[ByLuckyReader]

I was doing so well, 2 weeks or so in. Stressful few days, drank whole bottle of wine earlier. Absolutely kicking myself for being so stupid and feel horrendous. As always talked to people drunk and now paranoid they realised I had been under influence. Just want to never drink again. Please tell me it’s easy to get back on the wagon after a mishap? I feel so, so depressed.

It’s as easy as you want it to be, op. Just start again.

I think almost all of us have a few false starts on the road to sobriety. Remember that you haven’t underdone the good- your body still has the benefit of all those days you didn’t drink. The important thing is to remember that one slip up doesn’t need to mean that you take days or weeks to start again. Start now.

You absolutely can do it. It's not a black or white thing. You're on your road to getting there. I'd think of this as a stepping stone: what did you learn from it that will help make everything easier for you going forward?

Just from your OP, I'm guessing you drank because you were stressed and then you realised that the drinking didn't take the stress away and now you're even more stressed (because you have the original stressful thing and worrying about everything related to having drank too). It sounds like what you learned is that the wine doesn't work to make the stress go away, it just makes it worse. What can you do next time that will help you deal with feeling stressed so that things will be better the next day?

Ah OP. I feel for you. Don't be disheartened. My counsellor described it as a bad friend. It needs you to need it. How many threads have you read on here off people being abused by partners and cf friends but find jt really Really Hard to leave? The difference is your body is conditioned as well as your mind. Take stock. Take a deep breath. You can do this. Best wishes to you and your journey. I have every faith in you.

OP, now you've given yourself the hard time, give yourself a pat on the back.

Of the last 14 odd days, you've had one day when you drank. Normally, how many of those days would you have drunk? How much would you have drunk?

And now you know that you can do without alcohol for days at a stretch! Well done! Now you've identified a triggerpoint of stress at which you currently automatically reach for the default coping mechanism - alcohol. Can you think of something to replace it with? I've found AF beers and a couple of palatable AF wines that I use, just with the same glasses, give me at least the ritual of having a drink, and that helps. A lot!

The only bad mistake is the one you don't learn from, and this is a bloody hard work in progress. As for people you may have talked to, well, you can't change that, so you just gotta live with it really! (And quite frankly most people are so wrapped up with what's going on in their own lives and heads, you'd have to do a strip dance reciting the karma sutra for them to register there was something a little bit odd going on, so there is that. . .)

Of course you can get back on the wagon. Come on up beside me! (I'm early on in my sobriety travels too. . .)

The next time you feel like having a drink, remember the feeling you had today and ask yourself is it worth it. You'll get there. Stick with it.

The next time you want to teach for the wine what will you do instead?

go for a walk, hoover the stairs, do an exercise video? Have a plan

All been there ...I've been drinking shit liafs of Barcardi since covid lived ever minute of it tbh ...then I thought damn my body my kids grandkids I need to give my head a wobble...after around 5years done dry January then I had a couple in March and thought wtf did I do that and started again so far so good ..dont beat yourself up just start again that's life good luck x

Relapse is part of recovery. It will probably happen again. But ultimately you want to stop drinking and you want to change, so get back on that horse and keep going. Every day sober is a win. I wish my late husband had had your courage.

Hi OP here's my biggest tip in this situation. Throw the wagon away.

Really, what if there were no wagon? No wagon to go on. No wagon to fall off. What if it were just you and your commitment to your goals. The successes along the way. The fails along the way. What then?

This changed things for me because I stopped clinging to trying to get a streak of days going (clinging to the wagon) and started to see that when I let that pressure go I was open to so much more learning about what was going on. And when I understood why I was drinking I was able to make the change.

And if you're still unconvinced, listen to episode 112 'why setbacks are a good thing' or episode 13 '100 fails' in my podcast ('90 Days Later')

You can do this! Practice believing it's possible!!

Hi all, just to give anyone who might be in early sobriety and in the same boat, it’s almost a year on now and after the above blip I haven’t touched a single drop of booze.
I love my new life.
wishing everyone who wants sobriety the same xx

That's amazing, what a fantastic update and we'll done to you! I'm almost at the end of month 3, having started on 1 Jan. Life is much better without the booze and I'm determined to carry on, so always inspiring to see these kind of updates!

Honestly you have no idea for how many years (literally) I used to trawl this site and others hoping for some kind of miracle post to finally be the thing that would do it for me. I didn’t really even have a big epiphany just a long stretch of awful moments where I lost all my dignity slowly.
i take everyday gently but yes I am proud of me, and I am proud of you too!! Cheering you on in your journey from afar! X

This is wonderful to read and so inspiring. I am trying to stay off the wine, but I have so many slip ups. So good to know it can be done!

Just to add - a massive well done!

Thanks for the encouragement 🙏

Yeah no real epiphany as such here either - rather just tired of year after year not making any lasting changes and feeling like I'm heading to my mid 40s still drinking far too much, and finally deciding I've had enough!

@ByLuckyReader - well done!!

Wow what a truly inspiring update thank you @ByLuckyReader
can you share your best tip for coping after a brief lapse like you did please ? X