One of my best friends has a problem with alcohol and I want to know how best I can support her.
Over the years I have noticed her drinking more and more. I have mentioned this to her in the past and she just says she’s going to cut back on it. I try not to sound judgmental. I drink too, but I don’t get drunk as I have kids and I worry that they might need me during the night and I won’t be ok to tend to them.
She's a single adult and lives on her own. She works, but mostly from home. She has a good job and she’s highly respected in her company as she’s had a successful career in her field and due to her experience and commitment to her work, she often works late to help other members of her team. She doesn’t have many friends and spends a lot of time with me and my kids. They love her and she’s great with them.
A few times when she’s come to mine over the weekend and had a few drinks, she gets an Uber. Not a problem with that, but this has been happening more and more recently. Then a few months ago we were exchanging messages on a group chat first thing in the morning and her messages seemed out of character so I called her on my way to work and she sounded drunk. This was around 7.30 am. I mentioned this to her on the phone and she denied it, so I popped in to see her and she was. Although I couldn’t see what she had been drinking, I saw half her glass and could smell alcohol. I asked her to call in sick as was worried she was not in a fit state to work but she refused. We spoke about this afterwards and she was annoyed with me and said I was judging her.
Then a few days ago she asked if she can work from mine as the kids and I are on holiday at the moment. We have a quiet space in our house and I agreed and so we had arranged for her to come over. My mum was at mine too.
I had to take the kids for a haircut so I left her working and my mum was watching tv. Came back an hour later and my mum said Charlotte has fallen over. Me and kids rushed to her to check she was ok and I could tell straight away that she had been drinking. It was 2pm. I ushered the kids upstairs and was trying to make sense of what had happened. She was so drunk that she could barely work. I was asking her to log on to work so she can ask for half day but she was so out of it, that she couldn’t type or even tell me her password.
The kids didn't realise she was drunk and I didn’t want them to see her like that either. I kept her downstairs and them upstairs for a couple of hours and then dropped her home after she was able to walk to my car. I took her into her house, put her to bed and left. Her mum was due to be at hers that evening for dinner, so her mum was at home when I dropped her off.
I was so angry with her on the day, but also felt so sorry for her too. I went to see her the next day to tell her I was extremely worried about her and wanted her to get help. I have suggested she speak to her GP, look into rehab or counselling. She has refused. She’s just said she’s not going to drink anymore. I don’t think it’s that simple. When she was drunk, she was saying I’m an alcoholic. When she was sober she said she won’t buy any and won’t drink when we go out or she comes to mine. I think she’s gone way past that point, but I don’t know how to help her. There’s no way of me being with her 24/7, but I feel so bad that I don’t trust her to simply stop drinking.
What can I do to help? I'm worried about her mental and physical wellbeing