Does my DH have an alcohol issue?

[Ivybank]

My husband and I have been together for 10 years and have two sons. He works offshore so is away for 2 weeks and home for 3.
The rig where he works is dry so he doesn't drink for two weeks. However, since Covid (and the loss of two close family members around this time), I am noticing he is drinking more and more.

He never has a night with a drink when he is home (claiming the two weeks he's at work is his break) even when I kindly suggest it would give him more energy etc.

Some nights it’s a couple of beers, but more often than not it's a few beers when cooking dinner, a couple of glasses of wine with dinner and then a few cocktails while watching TV. Last night our youngest son was pretty unsettled so I was upstairs most of the evening cluster feeding, when he came to bed he was drunk.

I've stopped buying alcohol in the weekly shop so he has to make a special trip to buy it or order it. I also try and focus on the positives of not drinking as he closes off at confrontations.

I've tried to talk to him about it but he doesn't think he has a problem and he doesn't seem to get hungover. Am I overreacting? Or how would you approach it?

No I wouldn't like that at all but it's very difficult to do anything about it if he's not interested in doing anything about it. Could you come at it from a point of being concerned that sometimes he's drinking x amount of units in a night between beers, wine and cocktails? Also why is he drinking so much? What is he trying to drink away? Is he really unhappy in his job for example? If so maybe it would be a good time to think about a new job.

I would assume if he works offshore, then when he's home, he's on 'holiday' as in he's not going in to work because he isn't working those weeks. If he has really intense working hours when he's offshore, it sounds like he is using alcohol to decompress and make his non-working days true 'days off'. That doesn't mean it's okay or healthy, but without other responsibilities day-in-day-out on those days, it sounds like it's a pattern he has gotten in to.

I don't think you can make him change unfortunately as the change has to come from him. But you could talk to him about how you are concerned and suggest you do Monday-Thursday alcohol free and see if he'll join you.

I think you've nailed it here.

No you aren’t over reacting as pp posters have said.

Any change will have to come from him however as a H and father he should take into consideration the fact he is leaving you alone for several weeks and then comes home and is leaving you to sort out your DC (he isn’t safe to that if he’s drinking so much). Does he think that is fair on you?