Im very new to this journey and just looking for people to share it with .
12 days ago my husband admitted ( and I actually faced up to ) the fact that he is an alcoholic. I have always known that he had a problem and over the past 2 years it’s got worse , it came to a head 13 days ago when he got very drunk and his behaviour was unacceptable , I ended our relationship and then he asked to talk to me and was very open and admitted he was an alcoholic and how much he had been dependant recently and how he didn’t want to lose me and also didn’t want to be this person. He said he no longer enjoys alcohol- the taste , the feeling of being drunk a but he craves it . He shakes and all he can think of is the next drink . He’s been drinking more and spending more than I knew . This is the last chance for our marriage - I cannot live like this anymore and if he ever drinks again I’m leaving , it’s as simple as that . I will support him but I can’t be around for relapses and going around in circles because it’s destroying my life. I love him and can’t imagine life without him but I genuinely think that if I carried on with him and he was drinking still I would lose him anyway - either he would drink himself to death , get blackout drunk and do something that resulted in him going to prison or - and I don’t say this lightly - he would kill me . That sounds like a massive jump , he’s never been violent to me in 12 years but he started to get to a point in drinking where nothing he said made sense it was like he was on another planet and the next day he had no recollection of the night before - so I think it was blackouts . The last straw ( although I’ve said he’s never been violent I mean up until this point ) was 13 days ago when , whilst in this state I shouted at him and he pushed me away by my throat . He has vague memories and thinks he strangeled me - which is the push that has put him into taking steps to stay sober - I haven’t talked it down and said he didn’t. Maybe that’s wrong but I think the state he was in he maybe could have been capable so I have let him believe what he believes because the fact is his hand went to my throat . It was over in seconds but he has never laid a hand on me before and I know that one time is too much . I will never be around him drunk again.
He went straight to an AA meeting that day and has been a few times since , all alcohol is removed from the house , he is in contact with the NHS and he is actively changing his lifestyle ( cut himself off from friends that drink , began a hobby etc ) . I have also stopped drinking - I don’t have any kind of dependence on alcohol and whilst I do enjoy a glass of wine, I don’t need it and can quite happily live without it so I have also committed to an alcohol free life in support but tbh I grew up with an alcoholic mother so I am more than happy to be free of it .
I love this man so much but it’s hard . Over time the drunk part of him has really hurt me - not physically aside from that one time - but he also cheated a year ago . We went through counselling and he has done everything I asked , aside from stopping drinking . I know it was drink that was the cause . I just feel like slowly over these past few years he has stripped away everything from me - my trust in him , my confidence in myself , my well being , it’s only when drinking - sober he is the best husband I could ask for and he makes me feel so loved but then these drunk times take that away and I’m at the point now that I’m teetering on the edge of giving up on him . I could never be with someone else , I love him completely - the sober him - but it’s like he is 2 different people the drunk one and the sober one and I hate the drunk one . I hate the drunk one more than I love the sober one and if he gives up I’ll love him for the rest of my life and be with him for it but if he drinks again I’m done .
I want this to work and our future depends on it but I kind of feel as though we’re at the beginning of the end because I know how hard it is to quit . My mom couldn’t do it for her children and the love for children should be stronger than any love and I think to myself if she couldn’t do that how can he do it for me ( although I have been clear with him that he can’t just be doing it for me it has to be for him ) . These past 12 days have been so good - although I know it’s hard he’s so determined and he’s been so open and we have been so close … I look at how determined he is and can’t imagine someone being that determined and then not going through with it but the fact is he is an alcoholic , and that pull to alcohol could control him so I feel like every nice moment is tinged with sadness because I just feel like the end of us is coming , his relapse is imminent and I don’t like feeling like that and doubting him but he has broken my trust before so I just can’t have the faith in him even though I desperately want to .
I guess I’m just looking for a place to rant and advise - has anyone been through this ? Is there hope ? How can I best support him or any tips for him , to give him the best chance ?