Can an alcoholic switch to drinking moderately

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My parents are functioning alcoholics - not ever really acknowledged by them but they moved to France 15 years ago and the cheap wine and expat culture meant their already regular drinking just increased. DF was drinking around 3 bottles of red per day, and his hobby is brewing beer which he is constantly testing.

DM not as bad , maybe a bottle of white wine per day but more when socialising .

Anyway - they had a scare from their doctor re liver function etc and DM happily mentioned they have cut down to one glass per day but 'a few' at weekends. Initially I was relieved and now questioning the reality. Would it really be that easy to cut down? DM always glosses over things and puts a positive spin and has been known to hide uncomfortable truths.

I can't visit to check how they actually are atm but just wondering what people's experiences are with alcoholics deciding to drink moderately. I want to be reassured but just worried still.

Hi everyone from personal experience myself you have got to want to stop drinking in my younger day I would only drink at weekends when out , then it went to couple days a week , then I moved and hated it my family hated it that's when drink become a issue I was drinking daily and a hell of a lot more then anyone I no, how I functioned I'll never no this went on for a year and half I moved us back to r old area and got of the drink and it was hard , I thought I could just stop drinking well how wrong was I , with help with a online place I could go onto and chat daily they helped me get off completely, now I can take it or leave it think I've drank 2s a couple of archers each time having a bbq since then and that was a year half ago, u can't make anyone stop drinking they have to want to

No. Alcoholic in my family who also claimed to be able to drink moderately. They are back in hospital for a detox and I expect they'll drink themself to death sometime in the next few years.

It only takes one thing going wrong in their life and they are back drinking to excess.

I've been an AA member for two years, and the general consensus is that moderate drinking doesn't work for alcoholics. It's just not possible.

It's either total abstinence or total addict behaviour. There are only two directions.

I completely disagree, not everyone is the same .

I've been an AA member for two years, and the general consensus is that moderate drinking doesn't work for alcoholics. It's just not possible.It's either total abstinence or total addict behaviour. There are only two directions

but that’s not science. That’s belief

My mum is an alcoholic (although she is too unwell to drink now). Before her last admission she was adamant that she had cut down but actually she was just hiding it better.

I was drinking at least a bottle of wine a day about 15 years ago and could never imagine having a day without drinking. Some how I gradually cut down and now drink 1-2 times a week and can happily go for days without thinking about alcohol.
It really does depend on level of dependence and what else is going on in your life.

That's what I mean you have got to want to do it , but it's possible there is a lot of people who drink daily and for a long time , who come of it and can socially drink again , everyone is different , when people say no impossible ect that's coming from people who have seen family members not stop (because they don't want to or think it's impossible) or it's coming from someone who deep down doesn't want to and will find any excuse.anything is possible if u want to do it

Excessive alcohol intake alone doesn't make you an alcoholic. I did an online test using the scenario you described and it said at increased risk of complications from alcohol which is not necessarily an alcoholic.

I drank excessively as a late teen 20s socially predominantly. I now rarely drink mabey once a month and it is significantly lower quantities as I have become an absolute lightweight.

So to answer your question can an alcoholic lower their intake no probably not. Can someone who just drinks too much cut down yes. Where your parents lie no one on mumsnet can tell you

I did an online test using the scenario you described and it said at increased risk of complications from alcohol which is not necessarily an alcoholic.

Coffeeaddict - what do you think an alcoholic is?

A true alcoholic no, but a heavy drinker yes can reduce their drinking.

I'd also like to no what people call an alcoholic ? To a heavy drinker ? What do u see different

There is a distinction made between physical dependency rather than social/emotional dependency or habit. So there are physical withdrawal symptoms that are only alleviated by more alcohol.

I personally don't think the distinction is very meaningful.

Have you considered that they’re not alcoholics? People that drink too much aren’t necessarily.

This. They might not be alcoholics. You can be a very heavy drinker without actually having an addiction, so yes it sounds perfectly plausible to me that they could cut down.

I’ve wondered this too OP. My dad was an angry alcoholic/heavy drinker. He was functional in that he worked hard and put a roof over our heads etc. But, his mood swings, his unpredictability, his anger and cruel words, punching doors etc..He was often terrifying.

He didn’t drink on Sundays - it was presented by him as his proof he wasn’t an alcoholic. But he sulked all day on Sundays, and we stayed away from him anyway. I spent most of my life staying away from my father as much as I could.

I’m not sure there is much of a distinction between heavy drinker, binge drinker or alcoholic.

When my Dad reached his mid 60s he stopped drinking. Not completely, but mostly. He’d have an occasional glass or two of wine, or a beer, when my parents went out to dinner.

Oh interesting, I've not considered the difference between a heavy drinker or alcoholic before. Are there any distinct differences? I've just never known my DPs to not drink, and they drink to excess at social gatherings. Eg at a family wedding this year DM fell over on the dance floor and came away with horrific bruising. She complained to the venue about the slippery floor.

But they are not angry or depressed drunks really. DF has at times basically fallen asleep at the dinner table though. But no behaviour that is particularly problematic or awful to be around.

They are closed books emotionally so no idea if they are trying to numb any emotions. But I know DM misses us very much (she would never admit that though) and living abroad can be painful for her.

Not sure what the liver scare was - DM hates me worrying about her and rarely gives full or truthful details. Just said the doctor said they must cut down. She did say though that the doctor said DF will kill himself if he doesn't which was the motivator for cutting down.

Really useful to read all the replies - thank you.

Some alcoholics don't have significant withdrawals, some don't even feel a hangover and some light drinkers get terrible after effects from drinking even a small amount. I've know of heavy daily drinkers for DECADES go cold turkey with no withdrawals and others drink heavily once and are sick for 3 days.

The distinction between a heavy drinker and alcoholic to me is when your life is falling apart because of drink but you can't stop and blame it on other things likeoh I justdidn't eat and you repeatedly get in bad situations because of alcohol yet you never manage to stop getting this drunk again no matter how long you abstain or promise yourself you repeatedly keep getting so drunk and with bad consequences from injury, arguments, reckless decisions. You also drink at times and quantities that are obviously a bad idea. You hide your drinking be in the toilet of a pub or train or in secret and hide bottles or play down how much you drank. You think about drinking a lot. You feel miserable and angry if someone or something stops you getting drunk.

Addiction is a nuanced disease the NHS defines it as

"If someone loses control over their drinking and has an excessive desire to drink, it's known as dependent drinking (alcoholism)"

If they just like wine and it got excessive it doesn't necessarily in itself equal addiction. The OP has not indicated or does not know if it is excessive desire to drink or if they have lost control or just got into poor habits ( as many do with food for example but being obese does not equal a food addiction it is more complicated). Addiction would be more likely if they are unable to stop after a health scare or of they are dependent on alcohol as an emotional crutch so need a drink of they have a stressful day for example.

If they have a health scare and they genuinely cut back to only having the odd glass then it would indicate they may not be alcoholics but rather just excessive drinkers. But as I said we or you don't have sufficient knowledge to know which they are.

It’s possible - example below

There are behavioural approaches to addiction as well as the AA abstinence approach

But it does take effort, and then will need some sort of lifestyle change (some activity so less time to drink) or as PPs say they’ll be back to where they were in 6 months.

www.telegraph.co.uk/health-fitness/body/want-party-without-hangover-drinktician-will-see-now/

Someone I know did, but his 'moderate' is relative to his previous heavy drinking. It's still well beyond recommended weekly limits, and he still has to drink almost every day (note has to). He just sticks to a set amount of beer (4 pint cans) now instead of drinking spirits too.
I would not call it a success story, and nor would he.

I think an alcoholic cannot ever be cured, but they can cut down or stop, if they want to, it can't be forced.

My advice to you would be the mantra 'you did not cause this, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it'. Offer advice and support by all means, but accept they may not take it. Protect yourself emotionally, it's very difficult watching someone you love hurt themselves.

Your mother may be able to limit her drinking to weekends - drinking one bottle a day is far more “normal “ than your father drinking 3 bottles a day.

It is likely he is the one the doctor has given a dire warning to and your mother has reacted by suggesting they both need to cut right back. This will be her way of trying to encourage your father and not feel shamed.

Your mother’s health will also benefit from cutting back. But I think he has the bigger problem.

Unfortunately, I'd say no. Is it technically possible? Yes. In theory. But it takes an awful lot of willpower and a constant focus on alcohol in your life - avoiding it, saying no to it, deciding when you'll drink it and when you won't and how much.

Most people who have gotten to the stage of having no control over their drinking obviously struggle with putting those boundaries in place - and this is not even considering the impact of a substance that is literally designed to get you dependent by changing the way your brain is wired. So sure, it's possible, but very few people can do it long term. It's why most people who have a drinking problem need to quit to get better.

I like the analogy of alcoholism as being a lift that only goes down. You can get off at any floor you like. But if you decide to get back on, it only continues going down and not back up.

years ago I had to do a research paper on alcoholism.

One of the things that I found surprised me.
Most alcoholics need to stop completely, total abstinence.

But there are a percentage, quite low (and there is no way of knowing really how many, as that would require all recovering alcoholics to start drinking to see if it worked for them if you see what I mean) anyway the researchers recognized that there was a significant minority that were able to switch to low level occasional drinking and sustain that.

But one key thing seemd to be that they recognised their addiction, stopped and got clean and healthy and often dealt with the root cause of the drinking and then later were able to be low level social drinkers.

I find alcoholics will often argue they are not alcoholics because.... <insert some reason>

I tend to look at DSM-5 alcohol use disorder - https://www.medscape.com/answers/285913-41535/what-are-the-dsm-5-criteria-for-%20alcohol-use-disorder you only need two of that list and you have a problem with alcohol. Who cares whether you think you're an alcoholic or not - the issue is you have a problem (not you personally OP - you = 'one' here). I have seen people who are arguably not alcoholics under some definitions completely destroy their lives due to alcohol - so they still have a problem whether they are an alcoholic or not - and a pretty major one.

I think it is really tricky to cut down and for most abstinence is easier and safer in the long term than cutting down. But it can only come from the person themselves. I suspect your parents are in denial still - and I suspect one glass I more and a few is many.

I didn't think I had a problem myself, I only drank at weekends & if ds was at his dad's. But if dp & I went out I would really cane the drink, it was nothing to go out on a Friday night & drink 20 double Malibu & cokes or stay in & down 3 bottles of wine, my tolerance was so high I was stone cold sober. While dp was drinking 15 cans over the space of a day & staying sober, if we went out & were drinking over a short period of time, I could drink him under the table, he was plastered & I was sober. He died in 2015 from cirrhosis & I carried on drinking to numb the pain of losing him, I only stopped on Boxing day 2017 & haven't had a drink since, there are so many alcohol free adult drinks that it isn't a hardship to not drink. I got told in 2011 that I had damaged my liver but went into denial, a year after stopping drinking my liver had repaired itself.