1-2 bottles of wine a day

[Rayn22]

My mother in law has drunk 1-3 bottles of wine a day for the last 14 years. She is 65. She has high blood pressure, swollen ankles and drinkers face and nose but is in denial that she has a problem.
She keeps feeling sick and has a problem with acid. How the hell do we convince her that her liver is probably been affected. She just keeps saying that it is not impacting on her life! She deliberately does not tell us any health issues as she is in complete denial! How bad is that amount of alcohol over 14 years? She is only 5.1 too so it affects her quickly.

I don't think there is anything you can do.

Alcoholics anonymous have a good helpline for how to talk to her about it - but ultimately she has to want to change. You only have control over what you do in response, unfortunately. Good luck, I hope she stops the denial and gets healthy.

It's so hard watching someone destroy themselves. Yeah I thought about phoning a helpline as we have tried so many times.

I was about to post a similar message. Fil drinks around 3-4 bottles of red wine a day, or his homemade beer which is pretty strong. Mil has about 1 bottle of white a day, sometimes 2. They are the same age as yours (mid sixties)and live in France where the wine is super cheap and the culture is very accepting of starting at lunchtime.

What are the health issues to look out for? Fil has the shakes/beer belly etc and Mil had high blood pressure and not sure what else but her mobility isn't great for a 65 year old. She can struggle with a staircase and is overweight.

Not sure whether to address it with them (we never have), or just let it continue. They def don't think they have a problem. DH thinks he will feel awful if he says nothing and they get ill but reading this board, it seems there is not much we can do?

I don't think there is anything you can do to stop it. I've observed my cousins trying to stop their stepmother from drinking and it just damaged the relationship. I think wine isn't as bad as spirits but I'm not saying it's in anyway a good idea to drink that much. I think depression and excess weight are recognisable effects of alcohol... You could try mentioning cancer but it will likely fall on deaf ears. Good luck and don't get your hopes up.

There is absolutely nothing you can do. Not a single thing. You could beg her until you lose your voice and it wouldn't matter. She's an alcoholic and she will probably die because of it. It's very, very sad, and you and your family are the other victims of this terrible disease.

My parents were the same but not with alcohol but eating until they were obese and smoking. Any suggestion of change, however gentle and well meaning was met with absolute denial and a bad atmosphere. The frequent retort was, 'I've to to die of something'. They had nursed my grandfather at home as he died of lung cancer. Dad had a heart attack, triple heart bypass and surgery which cured his lung cancer. Mum had many strokes. They still kept smoking until they killed themselves.

My experience is that nothing and nobody can stop someone unless they themselves decide to do something.

Adults have to make their own choices and decisions, even when they are not always wise!

How bad is 1-3 bottles of wine a day for over 14 years?

I think the NHS recommend 14 units of wine a week for a woman. 14 units is 1.5 bottles.

Sorry, they don't recommend you drink 14 units. They recommend you drink no more than 14 units.

I read somewhere (it was a reliable source and I'll try to find it) that if you drink a certain amount per day for 10 years that liver disease presents in 100% of cases. As others have said, you can't stop an alcoholic. They will eventually have severe symptoms (you don't normally get any until it's too late for the liver to regenerate) which might make them wake up but it would mean never drinking again.

Sorry, just realised you mention swollen ankles. That's not a good sign along with 'drinkers face'. Do you think she'd at least go for a liver function blood test?

She’s been drinking nearly double the weekly recommended amount of units every day, it’s alcoholism.

People do it for years then it suddenly catches up really quickly and it’s horrible. Watching it happen to a friend at the moment, he’s yellow, yellow eyes and is in agony.

Saying that a family member was a terrible alcoholic, one day checked into rehab after GP told him he will likely die if he carries on, treated as an in-patient at a psychiatric hospital (in the days when you could do this, think it would be at home treatment these days). Never touched a drop ever again - but it only happens when the person wants to and is determined to stop.