I am so scared to post this, I have been sitting on this for three days and here I am tearing up again, but here we go...
All the time I thought it was just HIS problem, but after listening to al-anon (US) introductory podcasts, I reluctantly can see that his abundance of drinking is MY problem too.
It is my problem, because he's said and done a few hurtful things over the years that sometimes still make me feel unloved and hurt when I think about it.
It is my problem, because his drinking causes me regularly to fret, get wound up, upset and angry for hours at end, and lack of sleep, when he's out and comes home much later again than the said he would. I am then tired and have no energy the next day.
It is my problem, because it hurts me so bad that he chooses spending his time holding a drink in his hand over spending time to invest in intimacy or connection in our relationship.
It is my problem, because the above take up SO much of MY mental headspace for feelings of being hurt, cross, upset, lonely and unloved. I feel stuck and unable to use my energy for myself.
This is not a LTB thread, I have not given him an ultimatum and am not in a position to do so for a variety of reasons.
Instead, does anyone recognise the impact of your partner's drinking on you whilst everything on the outside looks normal (professional job, happy family etc). Anybody else scared to face this as their own problem, or has done so and has some words of wisdom or support to share?
I am posting this as hopefully a first step for my own wellbeing, to remove the barrier to get my head out of the sand, because if it is my problem I can work on what is mine right? Even though it feels so incredibly unfair and scary...